I would like to take a moment To dedicate this collection Of poetry to a very near and dear friend Thank you

I would like to take a moment To dedicate this collection
Of poetry to a very near and dear friend Thank you,
You are the reason that I have chosen to put this coll ection together
You are the catalyst for my change.
Although our time together was short This is for you,
May your wishes and dreams come true, Harrison E.
I would also like to give Special Thanks To my friends and family.
Each of you have helped me in this process From encouragement to keeping me On task.
Thank you.
Without you I would still be lost.
I hope that your lives are full of the love that You have showed me.

pg. 2

pg. 3
Contents
BRIEF MESSAGE ______________________________________________________________________________ 10
TO THE READER_______________________________________________________________________________ 10
NEW FOUND RELATIONSHIPS ___________________________ ________________________________________ 12
REAL RELATIONSHIPS ___________________________________________________________________________ 13
THE CHARMING LIFE __________________________________________________ _________________________ 14
THE DEFINITION OF … _________________________________________________ _________________________ 15
FRIENDSHIP __________________________________________________________________________________ 15
WATCHING __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 16
IMPACTS FELT BY THE FEW __________________________________________________ _____________________ 17
PAST CONVERSATIONS __________________________________________________ ________________________ 18
REJECTION OF LIFE _____________________________________________________________________________ 18
UNSAID __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 19
LONGING ___________________________________________________________________________________ 20
THE FINAL MESSAGE __________________________________________________ _________________________ 22
UNDERSTANDING RELATIONSHIPS ___________________________________________________________________ 22
JUST BUT A SECOND __________________________________________________ _________________________ 23
YOUTHFUL INDISCRETION ________________________________________________________________________ 23
FINDING LOVE ________________________________________________________________________________ 24
FOUND LOVE___________________________________________________ ______________________________ 24
LONGING FOR A LOVER _________________________________________________________________________ 25
THE PERFECT PERSON ___________________________________________________________________________ 25
THE FIRST LOVE __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 26
IMPRISONMENT __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 27
EXISTING IN BALANCE ___________________________________________________________________________ 27
ENTANGLING LOVE _____________________________________________________________________________ 28
COMMITMENT __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 28
TWO STAND AS ONE ___________________________________________________________________________ 29
THE ECSTASY OF LOVE __________________________________________________________________________ 29
A WALK WITH ANOTHER __________________________________________________ ______________________ 30
THE BONDS OF TRUE LOVE _______________________________________________________________________ 30
LOST LOVE __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 31
A LOST LOVE _________________________________________________________________________________ 32
THE EMOTION OF LIFE __________________________________________________ ________________________ 32
WAITING __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 33
WISHED FOR RESPONSE _________________________________________________________________________ 34
SWEET LOVE _________________________________________________________________________________ 35
THE GRAND QUESTION __________________________________________________________________________ 36
LOST AND LONGING __________________________________________________ __________________________ 37
FACING THE TRUTH __________________________________________________ __________________________ 38
MEETING ___________________________________________________________________________________ 39
STOOD UP __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 39
READING __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 40
ALL BECAUSE . . . ______________________________________________________________________________ 40
IMPENDING DARKNESS ________________________________ ________________________________________ 41
NIGHT TIME THOUGHTS _________________________________________________________________________ 42

pg. 4
FAULTS ____________________________________________________________________________________ 42
LASTING ____________________________________________________________________________________ 43
WHISPERS __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 43
VIGOR _____________________________________________________________________________________ 44
BLEAK __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 44
GLIMPSES OF THE PAST _________________________________________________________________________ 45
WOUNDS ___________________________________________________________________________________ 45
WHAT IS LOSS ________________________________________________________________________________ 46
DREADED __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 46
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR ________________________________________________________________________ 47
THE WOES OF LIFE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 48
WOKEN TO THE TRUTH _________________________________________________________________________ 49
OBSESSION __________________________________________________________________________________ 50
NIGHTS OF DREAD _____________________________________________________________________________ 51
RAGE __________________________________________________ ____________________________________ 52
VISIONS __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 52
THE FINALITY OF . . . ___________________________________________________________________________ 53
SHADES OF EXISTENCE __________________________________________________ ________________________ 53
MY REST __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 54
SPINNING ___________________________________________________________________________________ 55
FEAR DANCING THROUGH THE MIND __________________________________________________ ______________ 56
DISTURBING TRUTH __________________________________________________ __________________________ 57
A PRAYER OF DELIVERANCE _______________________________________________________________________ 58
A FINAL THOUGHT __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 59
THE FEAR OF LOSS _____________________________________________________________________________ 60
THE BITTER END __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 60
TEARS _____________________________________________________________________________________ 61
THE “REAL WORLD” ___________________________________________________________________________ 62
NO ONE AROUND _____________________________________________________________________________ 62
CHANGE ____________________________________________________________________________________ 63
WISHES AND HOPES __________________________________________________ _________________________ 64
DEFINITION __________________________________________________________________________________ 65
REASON __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 66
I AM TRULY ALONE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 66
ADRIFT _____________________________________________________________________________________ 67
STANDING AND HOPING __________________________________________________ _______________________ 68
THE MIND UNKNOWN __________________________________________________ ________________________ 68
A PERIOD OF TRANSITION AND REFLECTION _______________________________________________________ 69
DAYS OF CHANGE __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 70
MARKS __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 71
THE FALSEHOOD OF LIFE _________________________________________________________________________ 71
PROLONGED FEAR __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 72
LEFT BEHIND _________________________________________________________________________________ 72
ALONE __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 73
A THOUGHT OF EXTREMES __________________________________________________ _____________________ 73
LOST TIME __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 74
WISHES AND REALITY ___________________________________________________________________________ 74
THE PAST NEVER LOST __________________________________________________ ________________________ 75

pg. 5
THE OLD SELF ________________________________________________________________________________ 76
AWARENESS __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 77
EVALUATION _________________________________________________________________________________ 77
OVERWHELMING __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 78
EMOTION THAT DROWNS __________________________________________________ ______________________ 78
REACTION ___________________________________________________________________________________ 79
MUST BE BROKEN __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 80
BROKEN ____________________________________________________________________________________ 81
SIGHT SO SWEET __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 82
I WISH _____________________________________________________________________________________ 83
HOPE ______________________________________________________________________________________ 84
ONE MORE STEP __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 85
A TIME OF THOUGHT ___________________________________________________________________________ 86
DECISIONS __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 86
FORGIVENESS ________________________________________________________________________________ 87
DIVERGENT PATHS LEADING . . . ____________________________________________________________________ 88
A PLEA __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 89
TWO WAYS __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 91
REFLECTIONS _________________________________________________________________________________ 92
STRIFE __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 92
EXPERIENCE __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 92
THE REALIZATION OF THE IMAGINED __________________________________________________ ______________ 93
THE SELF-AWARENESS __________________________________________________________________________ 94
ALL I HAVE __________________________________________________________________________________ 95
THE QUESTION OF LIFE __________________________________________________________________________ 96
THE BATTLE OF LIFE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 97
CHILDHOOD __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 98
VALUE _____________________________________________________________________________________ 98
A WISH __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 98
PATHS THAT GIVE WAY __________________________________________________ _______________________ 99
SOFT AND QUITE ______________________________________________________________________________ 99
A HOPE OF VICTORY __________________________________________________ ________________________ 100
A VICTOR IN ALL _____________________________________________________________________________ 101
THE VICTOR __________________________________________________ ______________________________ 102
JOYS RELEASED ______________________________________________________________________________ 103
A RESPONSE OF GRATITUDE __________________________________________________ ___________________ 103
CHANGE ___________________________________________________________________________________ 104
THE CALM TO COME __________________________________________________ ________________________ 105
NO MORE __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 106
SELF __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 107
IMPENDING DEPTH___________________________________________________ _________________________ 108
FEAR OF DEPTH ______________________________________________________________________________ 108
AT PEACE __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 109
THE FUTURE __________________________________________________ ______________________________ 109
A GLEEFUL QUESTION __________________________________________________ _______________________ 110
THE FINAL BATTLE ____________________________________________________________________________ 111
THE FIGHT OF LIFE ____________________________________________________________________________ 112
THE CLOSING LINES __________________________________________________ _________________________ 113

pg. 6
THE FINALITY OF THE CLOSING CHAPTER _________________________________________________________ 114
DEPRESSION __________________________________________________ ______________________________ 115
UNENDING _________________________________________________________________________________ 116
FREEDOM __________________________________________________________________________________ 117
ACCEPTANCE ________________________________________________________________________________ 118
HOPES FOR ANOTHER DAY __________________________________________________ ____________________ 118
STEPPING INTO A NEW YEAR _____________________________________________________________________ 118
A NEW OUTLOOK __________________________________________________ __________________________ 119
A WHOLE NEW LIFE ___________________________________________________________________________ 119
MADE ANEW __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 120
TOMORROW ________________________________________________________________________________ 120
MAINTAINING THE DISTANCE __________________________________________________ __________________ 121
TAKING FLIGHT ______________________________________________________________________________ 121
THE CLOSING __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 122
THOUGHTS _________________________________________________________________________________ 122
REFINEMENT ________________________________________________________________________________ 123
BALANCE __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 123
A NEW BALANCE _____________________________________________________________________________ 124
CHANGE OF LIFE __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 124
SHADOWS __________________________________________________ _______________________________ 124
THE IMPENDING STORM ________________________________________________________________________ 125
FACTS OF LIFE _______________________________________________________________________________ 127
THE BREATH OF LIFE __________________________________________________ ________________________ 128
FORGOTTEN ________________________________________________________________________________ 129
HOPE AND PLEADING __________________________________________________________________________ 129
FAITH _____________________________________________________________________________________ 130
RECLAIMED FAITH __________________________________________________ __________________________ 130
THE INNER SANCTUM __________________________________________________________________________ 131
THE FINE THIN LINE __________________________________________________ _________________________ 131
THE PROMISE __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 132
MEMORIES _________________________________________________________________________________ 133
PROMISE __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 133
I KNOW ___________________________________________________________________________________ 134
EXALTING THE WAY OF VICTORY __________________________________________________________________ 135
INDWELLING STRENGTH __________________________________________________ ______________________ 136
RIVER OF EMOTION ___________________________________________________________________________ 137
THE WHIMSICAL THOUGHTS ____________________________ _______________________________________ 138
TRUTH ____________________________________________________________________________________ 139
PAIN __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 140
MUSIC ____________________________________________________________________________________ 141
THE ALLURING CALL ___________________________________________________________________________ 142
THE LACK OF STRUCTURE __________________________________________________ _____________________ 143
ADVERSARIES __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 144
THE DIVIDED MIND ___________________________________________________________________________ 144
GROWTH OF AGE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 145
THE FLOW OF LIFE ____________________________________________________________________________ 146
THE CREATION OF WHAT IS __________________________________________________ ___________________ 146

pg. 7
SOUNDS ___________________________________________________________________________________ 147
WHIMS __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 147
WHO WANTS TO BE . . . ________________________________________________________________________ 148
ABOUNDING IN HUMANITY __________________________________________________ ____________________ 148
WARMTH __________________________________________________________________________________ 149
FIREWORKS _________________________________________________________________________________ 149
GLOWING __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 150
SMILES __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 150
BEAUTIFUL WORDS __________________________________________________ _________________________ 150
AGING ____________________________________________________________________________________ 151
HEIGHTS UNKNOWN __________________________________________________ ________________________ 151
LIFE OF A TEXT MESSAGE _______________________________________________________________________ 152
RIGHT AND WRONG __________________________________________________ ________________________ 153
GRATIFICATION ______________________________________________________________________________ 153
BANTER __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 153
THE IRRATIONAL MIND _________________________________________________________________________ 154
DREAM __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 154
SO IT IS SAID ________________________________________________________________________________ 154
ART __________________________________________________ ____________________________________ 155
MATTER ___________________________________________________________________________________ 155
ABSOLUTE POWER __________________________________________________ __________________________ 156
QUESTIONS _________________________________________________________________________________ 156
WHAT IS YOUR CHOICE? ________________________________________________________________________ 157
SPREADING JOY __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 157
MORE THAN A FEELING __________________________________________________ ______________________ 157
CAMP FIRE _________________________________________________________________________________ 158
ESSENCE OF E _______________________________________________________________________________ 158
A QUICK MESSAGE __________________________________________________ _________________________ 159
THE MUSHY MIND ____________________________________________________________________________ 159
THE SOUND THAT MOVES MOUNTAINS __________________________________________________ ___________ 159
WAITING __________________________________________________________________________________ 160
REASON ___________________________________________________________________________________ 160
THE COLLAPSING MIND __________________________________________________ ______________________ 160
THOUGHTS JUST FLEETING __________________________________________________ ____________________ 161
ACCUMULATION OF JUNK _______________________________________________________________________ 161
GRAVITY ___________________________________________________________________________________ 162
SNOWY DOWN __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 163
THE MANICURED TOPIARY __________________________________________________ ____________________ 163
FOUNDATIONAL ______________________________________________________________________________ 163
THE SONGS OF THE RESTAURANT __________________________________________________________________ 164
NAMES __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 165
ONWARD __________________________________________________________________________________ 165
RAIN THAT SURROUNDS __________________________________________________ ______________________ 165
THE TRUTH OF FINALITY ________________________________________________________________________ 166
THE WILL OF A CAT ___________________________________________________________________________ 166
ONE MONTH OF A WORD A DAY CALENDAR __________________________________________________________ 167
DANCE __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 168
HOPE OF FEELING __________________________________________________ __________________________ 168
THE SWEET LIFE’S VIEW ________________________________________________________________________ 169

pg. 8
THE SOCIAL IMPACT __________________________________________________________________________ 170
A LETTER __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 171
THE BASE OF MORALITY ________________________________________________________________________ 172
UNTRUE ___________________________________________________________________________________ 172
THE MODERN DAY ____________________________________________________________________________ 173
THE CITY __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 173
ONE __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ 174
NEEDS ____________________________________________________________________________________ 174
DIGITAL CONFUSION __________________________________________________ ________________________ 175
WINDOWS _________________________________________________________________________________ 176
INADEQUACY ________________________________________________________________________________ 176
WHO WILL RAGE _____________________________________________________________________________ 177
TWO FACED __________________________________________________ ______________________________ 177
RESISTANCE __________________________________________________ ______________________________ 178
FOUR GREAT CHORDS __________________________________________________ _______________________ 179
PATIENT IS A VIRTUE __________________________________________________________________________ 180
THE FORCE BEHIND PAIN __________________________________________________ _____________________ 181
THE STATE OF KNOWLEDGE __________________________________________________ ___________________ 181
THE EMPOWERED WOMAN ______________________________________________________________________ 182
THE RATIONAL LIFE __________________________________________________ _________________________ 183
WRONG WITH SOCIETY __________________________________________________ ______________________ 183
PERSPECTIVE ________________________________________________________________________________ 184
VACUOUS __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 184
THE WILL OF DESIRE __________________________________________________ ________________________ 185
ENTRANCE INTO A NEW WORLD __________________________________________________ ________________ 185
THE POINT OF QUESTING _______________________________________________________________________ 186
SIGNALS OF LOOMING __________________________________________________ _______________________ 186
BEACHES __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 187
TODAY’S WORLD _____________________________________________________________________________ 188
LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING __________________________________________________ ____________________ 188
A REFLECTION _______________________________________________________________________________ 189
BALANCE OF EXISTENCE __________________________________________________ ______________________ 190
WILL OF ACTION _____________________________________________________________________________ 190
THE MIGHTY ARBITRATOR _______________________________________________________________________ 191
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING _______________________________ ________________________________________ 192
EXPLORATION _______________________________________________________________________________ 193
COMMON GROUND ___________________________________________________________________________ 194
THE UNSEEN ________________________________________________________________________________ 195
THE EVOKING LIFE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 195
ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER ______________________________________________________________________ 196
FLAMES __________________________________________________ _________________________________ 196
THE TRIUNE HUMAN __________________________________________________ ________________________ 197
THE ELEMENTS OF LIFE _________________________________________________________________________ 198
BEING __________________________________________________ __________________________________ 198
A SOFT WALK IN THE WOODS ____________________________________________________________________ 199
THE FOUR ELEMENTS __________________________________________________ ________________________ 201
AN UNIVERSAL PLEA __________________________________________________ ________________________ 202

pg. 9
LIGHT AND DARKNESS _________________________________________________________________________ 203
IMBIBING POWER __________________________________________________ __________________________ 203
CONSCIOUSNESS _____________________________________________________________________________ 204
AT TRUE INNER PEACE _________________________________________________________________________ 204
PLACES OF PEACE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 205
QUESTIONS OF FAITH __________________________________________________________________________ 205
REALISM ___________________________________________ ________________________________________ 206
MIND ____________________________________________________________________________________ 207
THE NIGHT’S RULER ___________________________________________________________________________ 207
DAY AND NIGHT __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 208
THE STALKED __________________________________________________ _____________________________ 209
REALISM OF LIFE _____________________________________________________________________________ 210
TIMELESS __________________________________________________ ________________________________ 211
SLEEPING REST __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 211
THE CHOICE OF DIVISION _______________________________________________________________________ 212
NIGHT ____________________________________________________________________________________ 212
CYCLES ____________________________________________________________________________________ 213
NIGHT’S ALLURE __________________________________________________ ___________________________ 214
LILACS ____________________________________________________________________________________ 215
RAIN _____________________________________________________________________________________ 215
THE UNION _________________________________________________________________________________ 216
NIGHT TIME HOPE __________________________________________________ __________________________ 216
THE NIGHT DAWNS AND EMOTIONS FLOWS __________________________________________________ ________ 217
A QUESTION ________________________________________________________________________________ 218
PERSEVERANCE __________________________________________________ ____________________________ 218

pg. 10
Brief Message
Dear reader,
I would like to take the time to thank you, for choosing to read this collection of poetry. This
collection is not for everyone, you will either love these works or hate them. I don’t think that there will
be any middle ground. These poems represent a period o f change in my life. Each poem reflects that.
Poetry is a very old and time-honored form of expre ssion. Each poem is meant to evoke thought
and beauty in its own sense. Nevertheless, this collect ion is no different. I was going through, and in
some cases still going through a dark time in my life. I was faced with keeping the status quo or to face
my past and overcome it. I hope that I will make it to that final point.
Each of these pomes contain real and at time vivid emotion. Albeit, these raw emotions are felt
in each poem. To be honest the words flowed from my mind to my hand and the poem had its own
mind. Some may seem disjointed while others highly organized, of which neither was true when they
were written. The true beauty of poetry is that it a sks you, the reader, to interpret what the writer wa s
thinking or feeling. I hope that someday when someone is at the same point as I was when I started to
write these poems that they may be empowered to know that they can make it as I have. Life may
throw many curve balls at you, but the way to overc ome even the darkest points in life is to face them
head on. We are not defined by what has happened, bu t rather if and how we overcame what is in the
past. If you are at dark place in your life please see k help, no matter how bad it seems there are people
who care and are willing to help.
Sincerely,
Robert Loven
To The Reader

Often unspoken thoughts flash
Through the mind, creating a world of possibility.
Your own experiences shape understanding.
Untold meaning is found within the very words
That you read.
A journey of mind is embarked on.
One that changes thought
And induces emotion to unleash.
The words take on a life that only you are capable o f giving them.
Although I had a reason when they were scribbled do wn,
Only you can find and cherish those meanings.
I can only hope an impact is made,
Or that you find some value within my humble wor ds.
The art is not lost on you when
You are the reason that it exists.
The beauty is that the art is always and will always b e incumbent upon the dear reader.
May you find joy in and question my very words.
For that is the reason of poetry.
That is the reason of any expression.
Thank you, dear reader.

pg. 11

pg. 12
New Found Relationships
Life leads people down strange paths Meetings become standard place
People come and go just as the tied comes in and goe s out
Yet, what ensues can be interesting Those that stay enrich life
Bringing friendship, love, and other benefits At times trivial problems entangle
But great things come from knowing someone else Existing in an ebb and flow
As Life itself directs the very path that everyone mu st walk

pg. 13
Real Relationships
Family

Struggles ensue into events
Of epic proportions that cause
Drama of pointless need.
A network that comes is one
That is fostered in the foundations
Of love.
Sometimes such love is never shown
Or felt, the pain caused is debilitating.
Pain tears down, destroys, incapacitates.
Pain is physical and emotional, scars that will last fo rever.
Love and compassion the only way to overcome. Friends

A chosen connection that flows
Between strangers to inform
A link between living souls.
Strife entangles thought and connection
The overcoming force proves the true
Bond. A willingness to give and take as
Life provides its entertaining ups and depressing lows
Yet, A friend is one that experiences things with you
As you experience there walk of life Lovers

Oh, the countless joys
Oh, the countless pains
The one to share the darkest
moments in the past with
The one that weeps with another
The one that is committed to the
their lover. An intimate connection
that is deeper than any other relationship
A path of intertwined thought and emotion
A walk that seems like it will never end
Yet all love ends in pain
Holding of that faithful love is
Above else the reason for such a
Relationship, despite how it may
Have ended. Lovers hold true to what
The relationship was.

pg. 14
Acquaintances

Passing meetings
Oblivious encounters
Moments of closeness
Times of aloofness
Quick responses that mean almost nothing
Superficial conversations
An overwhelming lack of depth. Relationships stand
As a hallmark of existence Interaction is needed
To survive in the cold
World that we all know
No one can stand alone, With nothingness.

The Charming Life

A simple smile stretched across the face
A small twinkling in the eye.
A calming voice
A witty word in a time of need
A way of having the right statement.
Under each aesthetic there lies something
Sometimes it is a precious little quirk,
Other times a pain untold.
Nevertheless, there are things unseen.
Under any smile there is a motivation.
The need to connect requires one to
Dig deep. To know another, a gift untold.
To know both seen and unseen is more
Than one could imagine.

pg. 15
The Definition Of …

Changing functions, roles that are dynamic
Each person stands ready to switch
A play in action where the cast
Are just fluid emotions. They jump and dance
Producing the most beautiful exposition of the arts.
Staging remains the same, but the scenes quickly
Change; that set off the individual emotion.
Each a star in their own right.
Lighting and sound set the mood
Light and flashes of cold darkness enthrall the stage o f the mind.

Dysfunction arises when one takes hold and is unwilling to relent.
There is a whirlwind of commotion.
The battle ensues, an unscripted collision.
That forces the mind to become irrational, and the body to react in-kind.

Friendship

I don’t want to be your savior
I want to be a friend,
Not your lover, nothing more than a friend.
Hear I stand, raw emotions in hand
A mess, a real person
Weak and estranged
I want to be me;
Not entangled with my broken pieces.
I want me back
But friendship is what I need.
I want to be whole; but I am in pieces.
I don’t want to be a mat,
Just looking for a friend Truth be known;
I am like you broken
The only difference is the number of pieces that we a re broken into.

pg. 16
Watching

To watch someone from afar
A drifting thought of what was
To see what is coming in their
Life, brings so much heart break
The path must be walked, but
It will be one of pain and heartache,
Can it be watched, knowing what is coming?
Is it incumbent on the watcher to stop it?
Sadly, the answer must be no.
The thought too much to see,
The pain that will ensue too much to handle
So, how does the average onlooker retreat?
The answer is unknown in his mind, for he
Walked that same path, oh so long ago.

pg. 17
Impacts Felt By The Few
Hoping that the stone thrown
In the pond will ripple out ward
One impact felt by so many as though
The first domino resulting in the
Last one to fall.
A chain reaction that will make unknown
Outreach. Allowing the one to become
Mighty without much effort
A dream perchance, but one that embodies
The essence of true hope
A willingness to let go of painful desires
And a need to lift another up
Tender mercies that embolden life
Hope that entails so little, but means so much
The very base of any connection.
To touch another’s soul, to reach in and
Help. A divine action that has no limit
As to what it means. The ability to feel
Becomes the very essences of what
Humanity was meant to be.
A wish to put the self to death and
Awaken to the newness of life
Nothing could bring more joy
To another that needs that care
Who needs the harshness of this
World? Life is too real and riddled
With indescribable pain and suffering
So, what is it to show some compassion
For the lost, for those that cannot
Fight? The truth is it takes nothing
But time. Something that very few
Think that they have. But in reality
Time is not a precious commodity
But rather it is perceived as so
Because of the very concept of
Vanity and worldly lust.
A sad but true fact. Life is more
Than the needs of self-delusion
It is about personal connection.

pg. 18
Past Conversations

The joyous times that we shared
Lifted to heights never seen
The voice of many thunders
Soft and tender that could
Calm the savage within
No fight nor lingering fear
There was never a need to
Part ways or proclaim guilt
For those words became
A way of expressing true beauty

Life stood still in those joyous times
Feeling became fleeting as a dove
Landing in the down feather lined nest
Never a need to bicker
The understanding beyond belief
Rejection Of Life

Afraid of everything,
One must still exist in this world.
Often times feeling rejected
The reality is deceiving.
Rejection in some ways are
A construct of the mind.
To reject is to push away,
To be rejected is to push the self away.
The fear may never abate,
But that is life.
A finely choreographed dance.
Fear a guiding force that keeps the dance
In line with the beat,
With rejection providing the steps.

pg. 19
Unsaid

So many things to say
But unable to speak
The very words that
Need to be said. Words
And thoughts can be so
Complicated at times.
The flow so simply, and
Now they seem to be
So far away. Not knowing
Is so hard. The thoughts
Are so unknown. The
Very fear to push seems
Like the right thing. However
The rational side denies the
Urge. To push would destroy
Any hopes of what is now being
Formed. Nothing simple
Is worth the time. A slow and
Steady pace will bring forth
One of the greatest friendships.
One where two are there for the
Other. No matter the event
A friend is one who cares. One
That will offer the support
So, needed in those times of hell
One that trust is the norm.
An ability to know that neither is
Alone, when it feels like the world
Stand against them.

pg. 20
Longing

My heart pounds, My soul yearns for Passion of real depth, seeking tr ue love.
Night dawns as my heart pounds,
My soul screams for love,
For passion or for fear,
I do not know.
Yet, what is there?
Life escapes reason, as to pressure for some pointless vi ctory.
My heart pounds, longing,
My Soul searches for what I cannot know.
Darkness gives way to hope
Solitude brings forth strength and confidence.
Has the darkness truly abated?
My heart pounds,
My Soul sings for the joy that I seek.
Could my hope be realized?
Thought and Emotion build,
Is this real?
The pounding heart,
Gives way to true peace.
Life seems to make sense, truth abounds.
My soul finally knows what peace is.
A thumping, a pounding, a pain still lingers deep wit hin.
Could this be the returning darkness, brewing deep wi thin?
My heart pounds,
My soul calls for the peace, once more.
My soul sings for that love.
Yet, my heart still pounds,
The emotion so profound that it cannot be bridled.
When will this pounding end?
Yet, the question returns empty, like the darkness th at once held me.
The dark . . .
Where is the light?
Coldness embraces me.
My heart pounds,
. . . Oh Heart; where is that strength?
. . . Oh Heart; where is that Hope?
. . . Oh Heart; where is that peace?
. . . Oh Soul; Where are you?
My Heart Pounds
My Heart Beats

pg. 21
My Heart Breaks
My soul awakens as from a long slumber.
My soul calms the pain, that is oh so great.
My soul is left to heal this broken mind and body.
I awaken and wonder what it all means,
Out of breath,
A small pounding arises in my chest.
Was this all real?
Was that a glimpse of what is to come?
Softly as though a voice of desire,
My soul speaks,
A voice I had never heard before, saying
Be still and wait.
Be still and hope.
Be still and love.
Be still and let not your heart lead you astray.
Be still and . . . My heart still pounds,
Yet I will not leave that stillness. The pounding subsides.
Is it over?
Is it over?
. . . Live.

pg. 22
The Final Message

Words encapsulate thought,
And thought holds the being
Of mind. A state that can not
Be denied.
A message is brewing but,
How to phrase it is the
Problem. A lasting stich for
Hope that may not come.
Songs just play through the
Mind. Words that came so
Easily now seem to hide in
The deepest part of the mind.
The mind becomes tired and
Unable to cope. The lingering
Urge to relay that final message
Is unresolved.
Words cannot explain the feeling
That now comes, when one cannot
Say what must be said. All because
The words have gone silent.
Understanding Relationships

Don’t ask me.
I am not good with them.

pg. 23
Just But A Second

A soft fleeting look
A quick smile forms
Then the glance is gone
A chance moment of gleeful bliss
A moment where souls saw each other
That one point when eyes meet at that
Fateful point where each millisecond
Seemed like an eternity.
It becomes a moment that will
Never be forgotten
That point when time
Stood still
Youthful Indiscretion

There stood a young man
The youthful gaze of enthrallment
Sat upon his face
He yearned for aged desire
He wanted a depth that could not be
Met by those that knew him
His mind was concise, yet
It was unmolded. His body
Formed of needs, but unable to
Meet his own needs.
His life seemed as though there
Was nothing that could defeat him.
But unaware to the reality of a
Life that would cause pain
And losses that would cause confusion
His hopes outweighed the true
Reality of what is to be.
Although he was ready,
He had no idea of the road that lay ahead.

pg. 24
Finding Love

Love is; so strange, so foreign.
Yet, at hand so many choices.
Do I deprive myself or do I deprive him?
I feel so lost, so strange, so foreign.
Is this Me? It can’t be
Is this fear?
It can’t be
Is this lust?
It can’t be.
Is this infatuation?
It can’t be.
Only one option left, without much of a thought,
It must be love.
An emotion that I have never known.

Found Love

Love so astonishing, an emotion that evokes so much
A tear whimpers at the corner of the eye
As though a promise of pain to come
No such truth exists
As one single drop rolls down the face, love has off er
Its first calming touch of softness and vulnerability
The subtle eyes take in the new sight
Opening wide with the gleaming of new found hope an d existence
Becoming the inner peace, visible to both lovers and the whole world .
The corners of the mouth take a new and surprising po sition
Denoting the emotion that evokes so much
Warmth fills the inner heart, removing the cold fear s and sadness
A new pliability is found though out the mind and bo dy.
Clearness has pushed away the soft clouds of indifferenc e.
All that is left is the trueness of life, the beauty of Love, and the excitement of existence.

pg. 25
Longing For A Lover

As life passes
I stand alone
Thinking about everything.
The loss so great
That my fears linger.
I thirst for companionship,
But there is none
So close that it slips through my hands
In a weak and feeble motion
I try to draw anyone in.
To no avail
The time will come,
But I must wait.
The timing unknown.
The waiting just kills me so.
This time should be what prepares me.
However, waiting is the hard part.
The Perfect Person

Tender and soft are the eyes.
Windows untainted by life and pain.
Benevolent is the mind.
Caring and compassion is the essence of life.
Virile is the heart that clings so tight to life.
Driving the very function of existence.
Tightly woven muscles.
Strands that provide the elements of total strength.
A voice of tenderness.
Appealing and melodic tones that excite the ear.
A soul of depth and love.
Unseen but felt as a supernatural force.
A body with the magnitude of beauty.
The example of perfection in the imagination.

pg. 26
The First Love

My heart soars, My soul sings,
My Joy holds me.
A man of beauty stands before me
His smile is his shield
His intelligence is his tightly knit armor
His tongue, and His wit his sword.
He stands before me and melts the inner frost.
I am faced with truth
The truth of what I am not.
My throbbing soul is freed like never before.
He stands before me;
He is the one that will save me from who I am.
He holds the keys,
But truth must be revealed.
His heart reaches to mine,
But I . . .
Cannot hold him
My words are venom
My love poison
Is he here to change me?
He is so pure!
I am so undeserving!
His love is so amazing, he stands before me; my knight .
His armor so new, yet he carries the wounds of victory.
His sight pierces me to my core and I quake.
My pain cannot be his;
I must recoil,
I must bow.
He stands before me yearning for love
Yet, all I have to give is pain.
His sword rises; my heart throbs
He has thawed my frozen heart, my evil heart
My knight, my love
Stands with my life in hand.

pg. 27
Imprisonment

A chill dances down my back like an ice cube skating across the floor.
I welcome the thrill as if it were an old friend.
The relaxing feeling of comfort abides with-in.
Deadened sensations are a fountain of solitude
I look inward, missing the things of value.
The hell that is created constrains me;
A cracking and searing sound resounds through the ice.
Cold chips of crystal ice, clear as a flawless Dimond, start to fall.
The structure is no longer cloudy, light pierces my icy hell,
Warming the once frigid abode.
There is a quaking; a fear that cannot be denied.
To love and lost is always a possibility.
But the memory of love will always be there
Given that my hell was destroyed because of that love .

Existing In Balance

Value of beauty entices thoughts to points of Bliss
Tender life hangs in a precious balance
As every relationship needs that balance
One that is not founded upon looks, lies, lust, lackl uster desire
Rather a mix of the totality of all being and ex istence
A warmth that embraces both as they stand as one in t ruth and deep love
The everlasting balance and union exist
Everything else is fleeting
To find truth, faith, abiding joy, excitement, c loseness, patience, oneness, peace
And realistic trust is an enduring foundation for that sweet balance
Yet, temperance must exist in those points of turbule nce,
Not one that causes a total loss of self,
But one that contours, both into a compromise
Seeking balance and full union of totality

pg. 28
Entangling Love

Tender mercy is the foundation of love.
Soft and alluring the voice tantalizes the ear.
Fear grasps the heart.
The body responds:
The heart pounds
The hands search for that touch
The mind swoons for what is happening
The lungs fill with the sweet-scented aroma of love
The body tinges with the anticipation
The spirit flies to levels of new height.
The sweet dance of love ensues.
A courtship of the ages.
Each foot movement elegant.
Each bow made with grace.
Each lift executed flawlessly.
Each spin passionate.
Each embrace enticing.
Love is a precious relationship.
Companionship intertwines the bonds of love.
Two minds become of one accord.
Two bodies embrace as one.
Two souls fuse into one.
Two hearts echo as one.

Commitment

I am no one’s victor!
I am not lost!
But love reminds me;
To give
To cry
To sing.
I cannot breathe,
This emotion I cannot control,
My heart sings for what may be.
My heart cries for what will not last.
Yet, I stand resolute to give!

pg. 29
Two Stand As One

Love of another a gift of countless
Joys that are showered upon both
Two souls seek to become one
There are times that struggle happens
Other times pain comes
As does great amounts of Joy
Two walk as one and
Two become one soul
Two work to uplift the
Oneness of union and love
The self is not the desire but rather
the self is the expression of wholeness
Two flesh become one in desire
In every aspect of the extension of life
The drive of life to make such a connection
is the essence of totality and commitment

The Ecstasy Of Love

Physical attraction immensely pleasing to the mind.
The heart begins to beat harder.
Adrenaline flowing through the mind
Creating an even deeper yearning for the ensuing lov e.

A gentle kiss, the fleshy softness excites the beating hea rt
The tender caress tingles throughout the body like an earth quake.
Each hair Intune with the igniting passion to come.
Their hands locked in an endless search of undying aff ection.

With eyes locked the heart races, throbbing for the next moment of touch.
Two bodies become one heaving mass, two souls become loc ked as one.
Each moment lasting as though time meant nothing. Th e throbbing passion
Engorging mind, body, and spirit. Quaking over takes the huddled mass, reaching
The moment of true bliss. A fleeting moment that can seem to last forever.

The tender embrace escalating to a point of exotic ecstasy.
The moment now gone. A soft embrace ensues one of inf inite passion.
And a connection of warmth and true love.

pg. 30
A Walk With Another

Two seek to find another’s happiness
A need to support in times of need
Both independent, but able to see the
Other for what they are without any judgment.
Two find ways to bear the other’s burdens
Help when all seems hopeless
A kind word
A kind gesture is the truth behind action
Two walk with tightly clasped thoughts
A knowledge of inner hope
To know that one depends on another
When all stands to be false
Two share the totality of being
Not without some struggles
Not without glimpses of pain
But the reality of what true friendship is and will
Always be. A connection that transcends
This world and time itself.
The Bonds Of True Love

Seeking love in untold and dark places
May fill the moment, but never fills the lasting ide a of love
Tender closeness a dream that entangles emotion that
To points of desire that lead to points of elated bliss
Fragile hopes of connection tantalize the mind in ways
That embolden the sense of fullness and the poi nt of true
Existence lighting the embers of life as a union
Of two into one existent life and totality
Of human understanding
Love drives the will to create, to endure,
And find joy in one another.
The path may twist and turn, troubles
May arise, but the mark of true love
Is endurance and acceptance

pg. 31
Lost Love

An end has come
The final chime his rung.
Even though the hour has finished
The excitement is still in the air
It must end, this love has reached its apogee.
The end has come
Friendship is an impossibility
Too much truth has been told.
Truth should free the soul,
However, this truth seems like a cage
The truth is laced with pain.
The pain no one can fully grasp
Not a pain of broken bones or physical appearance.
The pain is the guilt of what was done.
It resides deep within . . .
The problem is . . .
No one can see it.
Yet, when it is shown, the one that you love must recoil.
Yes, it is messed up,
But the end has come.
No choice but to walk away, alone and sick.
The pain and scars deep with-in
Still reside.
Should I never tell, should I continue to hide?
Who can truly love me, when I repulse myself?
The ones I care about,
I push away.
The ones that hate me,
I pull in
Why?
The thought escapes me.
Truth be known,
I am scared . . .
To be alone,
To be loved,
To be seen a fraud,
To release the sorrow,
To feel,
To sing,
To exist as a real person . . .

pg. 32
A Lost Love

Distant thoughts come to the forefront,
A lover lost in time.
Every memory a thought of what is lost.
His words, his looks, his mind
They inspired the change of outlook.
It was him, that stilled my mind.
Being with him was as though time stood still.
The longing for what was,
Is no longer possible for either one.
The severed line can never be reunited.
Attraction ended by one, that caused the pain.
His mind unable to expect the searing blade
That was drawing towards him.
Regret untold. Fear crashing in.
Fear causing doubts of the future,
A dimly lit hope now extinguished and
There is no way to kindle it again.
The Emotion Of Life

I sit here worried,
Longing for your voice
Waiting for a definitive answer
I realize that you have touched me.
Hoping not for forgiveness,
But the conversation we once had
The understanding that we shared
We wander in winding paths
We seek love,
Sometimes just friendships
Sometimes the understanding brother
Sometimes for carnal desire.
Life is more than a mere illusion
It gives pain
It gives fear
But most of all it offers a chance of love.

pg. 33
Waiting

Will he, or won't he?
I still have feelings that I cannot explain.
I have scared my love.
My darling love,
I have pushed him away,
But truth be known,
Nowhere to hide,
I sit here and wonder
Not on what could have been,
But rather, did he love me?
His heart so new,
His mind so captivating,
His beauty so unsurpassed.
Was it a dream to meet the man that I fell for?
Was it a sick joke on me?
My fears resound
In the Echo chamber of my heart.
He is so new, and I am so ragged.
His life to explore and mine torn apart.
I sit here lonely, not knowing.
With each chime and ring, I hope.
Yet no resolve comes.
I have loved and lost, my heart yearns for that touch.
Not of his hand,
Not of his voice,
But rather of his whole being.
Oh, what have I done?
My fears now realized.
The man of my dreams just flaps in the wind.
My heart broken and throbbing in pain.
What have I done?
I just wish…
That I was the one for him and that we might come back together.
But, my heart is resigned to that all too re al pain.

pg. 34
Wished For Response

The unreturned message,
Often frustrating,
Drives the mind
To a point of
Concern and confusion.
Simple responses
Are wished for.
However, they
May never come.
Wish and thought
Can’t rush the response.
One can only
Wait on baited breath.
So sweet when the reply
Is swift and quick.
Yet, some will never be
Returned.

pg. 35
Sweet Love

Love so sweet, The seconds past, and I cannot see you.
The heart desires you,
And I cannot hold you.
My thoughts entangled with the visions of your soft f ace.
So neatly formed, oh so beautiful.
Love so sweet,
The seconds turn into minutes, still you are not ther e.
My thoughts are consumed by that demure smile.
I miss that look that resides in your eyes.
So simple the thought of just looking at you, and th en I am lost the minutes fly by,
As if time had no meaning.
Love so sweet,
Minutes compound into hours, and still there you are not.
I long for you, Your mind, your body, your spirit.
All intertwined into the perfect person for me.
My own thoughts begin to torture me. The thoughts o f what was and now is.
I am alone.
Love so sweet,
The hours turn to days, and no answer do I get from y ou.
My love is not winding down as it should.
I long for what is you, what we could have togeth er.
I must let go, but that is far too easy to say than d o.
I must wait, no matter how close I feel.
Love so sweet,
The days turn to the longest weeks of my life.
I try and try to forget, but the hold that you ha ve I cannot understand.
Why is the very thought of the past hold so fresh?
I cannot find one as you. Not that I haven’t tried .
The physical is not what I desire, that is just a gif t.
Love so sweet,
The long weeks turn cold and before long the months start to pass.
My loneliness is all too strange. A slight memory of your look.
Yet the knowledge of your mind still remains so fre sh.
I count the months as a painful reminder of what I l ost.
Not of your doing, but my own.
Love so sweet,
The months pass, and as I look back a vague memory app ears.
The thought of you comes rushing back.
Those words, those looks, those times when everything seemed right.
Now, I understand that it was a time that I will nev er lose.
It was you that taught me I could love, that I cou ld feel, that I could be better.
Somehow, I hope that you know that you were the most amazing thing that
could ever happen to me.
Love so sweet,
Love so sweet.

pg. 36
The Grand Question

I am sitting and waiting on baited breath.
The tension palpable,
The fear of rejection so tentative,
The passion still burning in my chest,
Yet still no response.
A word of rejection or acceptance so wanted.
To have an answer is so desired.
The ambivalence, so worrisome.

I cannot take it.
My patience waning. What shall I do?
What shall I do?
My heart in hand, my fear driving me,
To a point of sadness.
My mind running without pause.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I cannot take it,
All seems lost
To fight
To run.
I don't know what to do.
My heart tells me to give pause
My twisted mind tells me to give Chase with haste.
Yet,
What am I to do?

pg. 37
Lost And Longing

The physical so missed. The kiss of another
The warm embrace
The tender touches.
The knowledge of true love,
Taunts the one that stands alone.
The physical so desired.
The emotional so missed.
The kind words
The mix of two minds into one
The depth of love.
The knowledge of companionship,
Drives the one that has none.
The emotional so wanted.
The spiritual so missed.
The intimate thoughts
The oneness of true love
The willingness of relation.
The knowledge of the soul,
Jars the lost lover.
The spiritual so longed for.
The connection of three into one relationship,
So vivid and exciting.
Becoming more than what was ever dreamed of.

pg. 38
Facing The Truth

Resolution is lacking,
Although the end has come,
I feel that I am lost.
The feelings all so clear
Yet there is nothing to fill the void.
I was so wrong to tell,
But no longer could I hide.
Lack of Control, I feel so lost.
My life in pieces, My feelings so confused.
No control, my fear of loneliness now realized,
And nothing to fill that void.
No way to control myself I reach out for that resolution.
Rejection maybe,
Compassion hopefully,
Acceptance wished for.
What did I get, I still do not know.
Was it real or fake, love or hate, infatuation or i ndifference?
Whatever it was I will hold it for what it was,
Perchance an opportunity to learn.
Was I wrong, yes.
Was he wrong, yes.
Both messed up, No matter the reason
It happened.
I must walk until I find the joy again,
Even if I don’t know when it will happen.
The story may be as old as time, but it will still ca rry on.

pg. 39
Meeting

I don’t know where I will be
Next time we meet
I hope that it will be a happy
Meeting, but not knowing is scary
I know that it will be strange
Much unlike our first encounter
Just think of the odds that we even met
I don’t mean to sound full hearted
However, there had to be a reason then
And a reason that we have meet again
Chance is random, so what are the odds
However, appointments come in due time
It is not my march to dissuade you
I just hope that all is good for you
Perchance there may even be a hope to
Mend a bridge or two.
Now nothing is perfect, and we may not
Be able to have it the way it was
I just hope that we get the chance to
Meet on that finely appointed day.
Stood Up

The moment that everything is realized.
A sharp pain cutting into the fleshy parts of the hear t.
Vibrant emotion flowing through the mind.
Sadness gripping the body with intense thought.
The spark of infatuation now teetering on being exti nguished.
The awareness of the truth now flashing.
What could have been is lost and now is craved.
No longer is the heart lost in the freeing passion, so releasing.

pg. 40
Reading

The thoughts of another person,
Are so hard to understand.
Only able to see the outer shell.
Hoping for a glimpse of one precious thought.
Can any clue be shown in that veneer?
No look of fear,
No look of rejection,
No look of compassion,
No look of sadness,
Just a look with an indifferent smile.
Oh, it would be so simple if the thoughts of another were just seen.
No struggle would there be if those thoughts were jus t seen.
Rejection would be quick and painless if those thou ghts were just seen
No games would ensue if those thoughts were just see n.
No games would ensnare if those thoughts were just s een.
Nevertheless, no one can know the thoughts of another without them letting someone in.
The recoil of another’s thought is a defense,
That outer shell serves as the protection against what might come.
No matter how much the trouble is in the past,
Life would be so much easier if the thoughts of anot her were known.

All Because . . .

I felt his pain.
Even though I do not know him,
I felt it.
It was worn on his face,
Deep within.
Unknown and unable to be released.
It was there, and I saw it,
No, I felt it as well.
I don’t know where it came from.
I looked and there it was, no warning
Just there.
I could do nothing to help.
I just lingered in that look, in that pain,
And it wasn’t mine.
The compassion overwhelming
All because I felt his pain.

pg. 41
Impending Darkness

Clouds bringing dark emotions The impending storm of life
Is ready to unleash its fury
Pain, fear, horrors, and hate
Looms deep within the mind As though a wishful desire Day becomes night and
The clouds start to bring forth
The dreadful yearnings of the wicked mind

pg. 42
Night Time Thoughts

Night visions come as a thief in the night
They rifle through the inner recess of the mind.
Taking what toll it may, unaware that it is
Deciding the very foundation of memory
Stealing thoughts of joy, moments of bliss
And hiding moments of the unthinkable
Stealing the very understanding of the fullness of life.
Unaware that the perspectives that the visions
Put forth are quite possibly a lie, a deception of p erception
Such horror ensues when those visions come.

Faults

I have done so much
I have helped others
I have been a shoulder to cry on
I have done whatever it takes to defend others
I have obtained great things
I have fought a fight for the down traded
I have fought to become a victor over the past
I have tried to live my convictions
I have made it further than I thought
Yet, the sorrow whelms inside me
The doubt, the pain, the fear makes
Me feel as everything is for nothing
I feel as though nothing means anything
I feel hopeless and lost in a world of
Emotion that I cannot deny or control
The existence of all the emotion proves
That I am human, that I cannot do anything
Anything for myself that breaks me of
These painful thoughts.
Nothing to nothing held in the mind
Becomes nothingness
That nothingness dwells in me
It is as though it is my everlasting truth.

pg. 43
Lasting

Thoughts enslave the innocent mind.
Pensive desires strobe in vivid color.
Distraction the only hope to stop the onslaught,
Vestals of hope vanish into time forgotten.
The past emblazoned into the feeble psyche.
Forever existence will be tainted
With the regret of what was.
Empowered to dictate the future.
The reigning sorrow is as dismissive as a fly.
A sweeping crash of will shall dissuade.
A phantom shall remain, but not last.
A deviation is the wishful key.
Whispers

Whispers of thoughts plague the mind
Pain of doubt
Confusion of thought
Lost hopes
Dreadful wishes
Lost love
Exciting failures
Wants that never fill
Losses that cannot be described
Hopes not realized
Theories untested
Visions of what should be
Varied mediocre fancies
Loss of self
Love that will not come
Happiness that is almost nonexistent.
An experience that drives madness.

pg. 44
Vigor

Visions of fright and loathing
Vividly thrust through the mind.
Vacant thought no longer the norm.
Vicious memories no longer dormant.
Various emotions overtake the body.
Victims of the past shroud the mind.
Victors in their own right.
Visit the dreams of the aggressor
Vicariously taunting the tormented mind.
Valor a whisper of the past.
Vain attempts to end the suffering
Validate the evils that reside within.
Vandalizing the once quiet mind.
Vanished hopes replaced by
Villainess plots of destruction.
Vexation ensues the troubled mind causing
Verbal utterings of sorrow are
Void attempts to forget the visions of the past
Vowing never to repeat past transgressions
Vailing the old self into a
Vacillating dream
Vulgar to anyone who looks on.
Bleak

How can darkness exist in the day? The day is aloft with sunlight
Bringing forth light
That energizes everything
Prodding joy and happiness.
Yet, anguish resides inside the deep recess of the psyc he.
Intellect attempts to dismiss such feelings.
Yet the pain will not relent.
A dull feeling that holds the mind captive.
The dark attempts to hold tight, as does the light.
Darkness exists in the absence of true light.
The day brings forth light, but that light can only show that the darkness still exists.

pg. 45
Glimpses Of The Past

Sight induced visions thrust through the mind.
Memories once lost explode into the realm of today.
Emotion unleashed drives the physical response.
Wounds

The lashing thoughts cut through the flesh
Like small shards of glass tearing through paper.
The wounds created are jagged and oddly shaped.
Each mark never able to leave the flesh.
Once healed they stand as harsh reminders.
The only sad part is these marks are unseen
But they are there.
Tender the flesh may be, no touch can stop the pain.
No words can soothe what has been done.
The flesh tattered with marks unseen to the outsider.
They exist in a pattern that only its bearer can see,
And it repulses him.
The reflection is like a dream,
Vivid and full of symbols.
No one can know the marks as I do.
No matter how much they may think that they do.
Sorrow,
Pain,
Remorse,
Hate,
Disdain,
Loathing,
Guilt,
Turmoil,
Sadness,
Anger,
Each mark carries its own name,
And each name confers its own thought,
Then another cut is made.

pg. 46
What Is Loss

Thoughts fleeting as though they have no meaning.
Pleased with pain the mind rushes
To come to some sort of conclusion
Fast visions streak past the canvas of the mind.
Drawing the mind to create more thought
The endless cycle creating more
Havoc for the wary mind.
Feeble attempts to stop meet no such resolution.
The mind becomes more exhausted.
The body barely functioning.
The captivation must end, and soon
Before the hope of rest is lost.
The inner turmoil unwilling to give.
Resolution must be found.
Yet, there is none for the introverted.
Dreaded

Frustration looms inside me
Depression lies at the forefront of my mind
A thought that being alone will be my prison Dread of what is and may never change Illusions of hope bombard me
But they are never enough to overcome the thoughts
That reside in me push thought to wanted action Yet the action is void and then never comes to fruit ion

Light at times expose the inner fears
But that is never enough to break the bleakness of my life
As much as change is wanted it never comes The existent is no longer what should be
But rather what is inducing indescribable fear

pg. 47
Looking In The Mirror

A thin slice of crystal sand
A shiny image reflecting back at me
I see what others see
Or so I think
I see everything that repulses me
I can only hope others don’t see it as I do
People reject others on that vision of image
Hell, I have
Despite the fact of what I see
Is there any way to avoid such images?
Things that I hate
Things that stand out as repulsion
Why do I condemn the superficial when I stand as them?
The woe of what I see
Condemns my soul to points of constraint and a loss of that connection that makes me happy
My wants wash away to points utter
Rejection, all because I see
What I hope others
Don’t see
That mirror tells me more truth
Than I can handle it tells me
More truth than any other has
Thought to tell me no matter
Why they lie I see what I wish
Them not to see!

pg. 48
The Woes Of Life

Sadness grips the mind,
Tears start to whelm from within.
So much emotion is coming to the surface. The thoughts overwhelm the feeble mind.
Resistance is mounted against the sadness
To no avail.
The inner man tries to offer up momentary Flashes of happiness.
Yet the tears are ready to fall.
The sorrow, the loneliness, and utter rejection
Push the feeble mind to the verge of the precipice. Nothing can stop it now. No kind words,
No happy thoughts, No wishful smiles.
Nothing will stop the impending deluge. The fear is all encompassing. To be rejected, To be alone,
To be unknown by the ones that are loved. The sadness too much.
The thought too crippling.
The mind too feeble to come to terms with What the truth is.
Then the first drop falls,
Soft and gently, it navigates the face. One turns into two. And so on.
The storm of sorrow has started, With no end in sight.

pg. 49
Woken To The Truth

Sorrow breaks, releasing happiness.
Oh, the pain is relieved. To the left my dreams
To the right my truth.
Who am I?
Who am I, that I hurt?
Who am I, that I control?
No one knows, not even me.
Passion that knows no bounds.
I must remain at the impasse of life.
Broken I stand not to hurt someone again.
No not me.
I yearn, but what am I to do?
My soul aches for other’s pain.
Who am I to hurt?
I shudder when I look,
Am I no better than I was?

pg. 50
Obsession

Obsession drives my heart to bear,
The slumber of the night.
The night turns to day,
And still I'm driven.
Such force my soul to endure,
There lies the truth,
Tattered and broken.
Total depravity, I am made to see.
The self is dormant,
Tired and revolted I stand there.
Tremors overtake my body,
Timidly I retreat.
There is nothing but my obsession.
Still what remains of self?
Can it be revived?
Questions return void. I am only left with my obsession.
How to leave this dark drive.
The day fades and night breaks anew.
Yet I am still revolted by the self of long ago.
No tales to tell,
The darkness takes cease. My obsession has left.
Yet I am empty. What will drive me now?
Tired I may be, but
Time will not give,
Turmoil will drive me?
Too much my soul screams.
Testing my resolve.
Total victory will remain.
Tender warmth comes to mind.

pg. 51
Nights Of Dread

Perchance a time to rest,
The world seems unknown.
My problems seem as though a vivid joke.
Dreams of phantoms take chase.
Dreams so strange,
Dreams so dark,
Dreams so real,
Dreams so controlling.
The one place I did not fear, has now become my hell.

There is no rest, my mind never able to stop.
What fear, to face my rest.
My slumber all so uncertain.
My waking hours spent
Trying to understand.
Yes, they haunt me so.
Will they stop? Will they stop?
Just as life is so unrelenting, so are my dreams.
Dreams should conform,
Dreams should bring forth hope,
Dreams should bring clarity,
Dreams should bring resolution.
But not for me.
When will I be able to rest?
Is this hell real?
Is this my hand made prison?
Is this my rest, so deserved?
No answers in sight,
These dreams are mine and no others,
I must acquiesce, to those dreams of so long ago.
They are my punishment, they are my rest.

pg. 52
Rage

The dark hour of midnight
Looms in the hearts of men
Causing fevered emotions
In thought and action
The hour drives fear
The hour drives sorrow
The hour drives doubt
The hour drives pain
Nothing can calm the raging dark
That encases the dept of the void
A void that is impossible to fill
No matter how much one will try
Any joy is swallowed in that hour
The hour is just that one moment
Of the day that no man can resist
The urge to rage
Visions

Spinning visions confound the senses
Visions that draw so much doubt
They shroud the light of life
Hanging as a dense fog in the depths of the mind
Placate the very essence of being
Tenderly the visions abate to soft memories
The hope of what was no longer the truth
But the essence of those visions remains
The fear of return
Causes swift reaction
That pushes one to recoil
Yet the fear must be contained
If not, untold fury will
Explode with force that will damage
The weak mind
And wreak any
Hope of overcoming the visions of a tawdry past

pg. 53
The Finality Of . . .

The anguish of loss
Emotion real and vexing
Inner turmoil brewing with
Sadness and anger
Raging past a point of serenity.
Violent explosions of vivid color
And tones of darkness. Subsiding into
Murky grays washed with tinges of blue.
Light escaping from the desolate darkness.
In ways that confuse the simple mind.
Pushing void exchanges of excitement and gloom
Now wax old. Indifference overtakes the weary soul
Perplexing the mind.
The moment has come where there is no other answer
The loss is final. Nothing can return what is gone.
Nothing but a gaping hole exists, that will forever leave its mark.

Shades Of Existence

A laugh awkwardly shrouds my face.
Happiness in a time of sorrow.
It is a scary dark thought.
The laugh hides the pain.
Happiness is brought on by nothing out of nowhere.
Is it so:
Life is a flash of ups and downs.
Anger to fear,
Sadness to happiness,
Rage to excitement,
Loneliness to fulfillment
The emotions scale the wall and I know not who I am.
Self was known,
But now self is a wash of murky color.
No longer do I see vivid color.
Now just a shade of brown.
I wish for that color that I once saw so clear.

pg. 54
My Rest

My rage is a consuming fire,
My heart burns as the sun,
The heat my fuel
Unquenching sorrows overcome me.
The Pain ensnaring my thoughts.
I am lost,
I am adrift in a sea that tosses me to and fro.
No one can save me.
The Shame of my past can do no more harm than I have done to myself.
Sorrows too great to unburden from my soul.
Memories too vast to let go.
The darkness, the heart wrenching sadness,
No great joy to remember.
A short past that was a hell, that no one should endure .
Yet, I survived.
For reasons unknown.
Why Me?
Why should I make it when so many others have fallen?
I am not worthy.
I am nothing that I should stand here.
Look at my past and you tell me why?
No more to give, no more to take, no more do I h ave,
I am tired, I am wasted.
My soul so ragged from the internal hell.
Why should I remain.
It just won’t stop.
My life is for naught.
It is too much for one to handle.
I cannot make it stop. Life is too much.
Why?
However, it will not end my rage, my pain, my shame, my hell they all live in me.
I am unable to shake the cold darkness that holds me tight as I try to let go.
The rest that I so desire will not come,
I wish it so,
A sweet dream that lulls me o.f..f…t….o…..s……l……. e……..e………p

pg. 55
Spinning

Life spinning out of control.
Everything spins on a tight axis.
A rhythmic motion, that balances on two tight pin points.
The wobble throws things slightly off kilter.
Each breath and step that I take is an attempt to r egain some semblance of control.
My life enduring the centrifugal force.
I am pushed.
I am pulled to the outer extremes of possibilities .
Forces unknown keep acting upon me.
The spin ever increasing,
No end in sight.
The pressure so unbearable, so enthusing.
My vision becomes blurred.
Everything is flashing past.
There is a strange and eerie sound,
One that is unembodied, haunting, and cold.
The voice of nothingness is calling, as though it se eks my peace.
Everything is a tizzy.
No way to stop,
I feel as though I will just fly off, never to re turn to the balance that I once knew.
Spinning, nothing makes sense, my direction is distort ed,
No longer am I able to find my center.
My life spinning out of control.
No end in sight,
I must endure the swirling confusion.

pg. 56
Fear Dancing Through The Mind
Fervor springing forth from the depths,
E nsnaring complex thought
A rising from dark emotions
R aging through the body.
D angerous darkness
A bides in the recess of the world as
N ight overcomes day
C ausing fevered screams
I nducing the pain of
N eglect and
G ross thoughts
T he ensuing
H ate
R uns
O ff
G ripped with
H aste
T ethered to the
H eart without
E vading the
M ind’s vast control
I ntertwining dark thoughts and emotions
N ever ending
D epression takes control.

pg. 57
Disturbing Truth

What hope do I have?
I run the race but never reach the finish line.
No matter when something happens.
If I give up, do I have any hope of making it anywhere?
If I keep going can I ever finish?
The rejection
The Pain
The sickness
The Longing
The drive
The Fear
Never end.
It is sad that life is like this.
Look around, there are so many that are “happy,”
But why not me?
All just piles on and I just slow down.
It will not stop.
Resisting the urge to give up,
I still feel that all is hopeless for me.
It is a hard race,
But I don’t think I can run any further.
It is too much for one to handle.
Each step, takes amazing force.
Each breath labored.
I can’t make it.
So close and I feel the need to resign.

pg. 58
A Prayer Of Deliverance

Every time with hands raised,
I plead my case before God.
My pain untold.
My sin too heavy for me to carry.
My regret too much.
My sorrow overpowering.
Every time with hands raised,
I beg for forgiveness before God.
My fault laid bare before God.
My willingness to give myself over to Him.
The sorrow too much.
My need to change seen.
Every time with hands raised,
I ask for God to change me.
I wish to be removed from my ways.
I wish to have the guilt taken away.
I hate the old me.
I wish to embrace Him.
Every time with hands raised,
I lift up God’s name on high.
I glory in His holiness.
I honor His Judgments.
I see His mighty works.
I praise His majesty.
Every time with hands raised,
I find nothing.
I am not released from this hell.
My pain still remains.
I am not forgiven.
I am not found innocent.

pg. 59
A Final Thought
Is death the end?
Will the pain end?
No one can tell the answer.
People speculate, but no one knows for sure.
All that can be answered is that the pain as we know it will be done.
Is death the start of something new?
No one knows.
Not even I.
Once proud that I thought I knew for
sure.
But truth be known, I know nothing.
My thoughts are jumbled,
My wishes are unfulfilled, no matter how hard I t ry.
The void is never filled.
I fight and fight for what I think I want.
Without ever obtaining it.
It is a pointless struggle.
That never ends,
The cycle of ups and even
worse downs.
Just kills me on the inside.
I am already dead there,
Why not end the physical life?
It seems like nothing more than pointless obstacle s.
Lies that appear out of nowhere,
And I am the only one that knows the truth.
I hate myself,
I honestly don’t know why anyone
would choose to look at me.
So, will death end this world as I know it,
Yes, it will.
But is it just as pointless.
So, what is the point of running in circles?
As I once said;
I don’t know.
Don’t ever trust someone who tells you that
they know.
The cycle of life is strange.
To some it has meaning.
For me I just don’t see it any more.
It is nothing more than a chain of reactions.
Never ending,
In a way that makes no sense.
Day after day and year after year
The meaning is lost.
Yet the pain grows.
What is all this worth?

pg. 60
The Fear Of Loss

The loss of hope a feared thought.
My God, My faith the guiding light.
A sharp reminder of who I am not.
Faith so sweet has become bitter,
As wormwood in the mouth.
The need to reject so scary.
I fear what is to become of me.
No hope, No God, No faith.
The three pillars of who I am,
About to be loss. A pain I cannot
Fathom. One of regret and sorrow.
Perchance, a transformation is coming,
But my wary soul unable to endure.
The sound of rushing waters has been stilled
In my life. The joy removed, and replaced with
Nothingness.
A sound that I wish never to here again in this
Wretched life.
The Bitter End

A breath escapes
And the final plea for help has come.
Night has come
And the darkest hour is now here.
No one can hear
And no one cares about the pain they inflict.
Life has ended
And the thought so unbearable.
Faith has ended
And God has given up.
No there is nothing
To hold onto, to keep life worthwhile.

pg. 61
Tears

A tear rolls down my cheek
Sorrow holds within and
For some reason I can
Not release it
The flood of
Tears will not flow
That single tear speaks
More volumes than I
Could ever know
No matter why
I cannot cry
When it starts
It never lasts but a fleeting
Second it feels as though the
Emotion is fake
Causing that one tear to evaporate into nothingness
There is no sign of the sorrow
There is no release
It all seems as though a vivid and cruel
Joke that I cannot release this emotion
No matter how much I want to let
Go of that sorrow
It holds me
It makes me want
To hide
Yet the hiding
Has never worked
So, then what am I to do
When this sorrow
This self-doubt is
Never released in a real way
Those tears never come despite how
Much I wish them to come
That one tear releases but a small drop
When the pressure builds up
Why can’t it release all at once?
Why can’t I be released from that debilitating
Sorrow that I have learnt to dread?
Why must everything feel surreal?
When will these false emotions leave?
Nothing but that feeling in the throat
and that one tear exist inside of me.
What emptiness and sorrow drown
Me and not in my own tears.

pg. 62
The “Real World”

A trip to see the real world,
An enticement,
A taste of bitterness,
A sense of touch,
A sight of clarity,
A smell of strange newness,
A sound of harmony.
The temporal heightened senses become the draw,
One of escape from what normally seems real.
The promise of glimpses of existence on a new level,
So, alluring.
Yet that sweet moment is never enough, or so it seems
The augmentation of what is,
Become the estranged normative.
A divide that somehow cannot be filled.
Pulling further down a path that is shrouded wit h emotion that is unseen.
A compounding of a false reality that leads to p laces that can be darker
Than ever imagined, an imprisoned hell that exi sts solely in
The deep region of the mind.

No One Around

The impending loneliness grips tightly
A yearning to hear someone, anyone
Lingers in the mind. A wish to see
A friend, just someone who cares.

Yet, nothing comes, doubt clouds the mind
Is there anyone who truly cares?
The sorrow overwhelming, the fear too much
To understand. The walls are crashing in and
Nothing can stop it.
The realized nothingness impresses the utter
Doom that seems to be coming. There exists
Nothing to distract. Everything seems as though
There is no meaning. Uncomforting urges wash
Over the body, pushing towards dread.
The kind voice of another piercing the void.
The darkness starts to abate, but the lingering
Loneliness never leaves.

pg. 63
Change

The wind pushes the sails of life.
Winds of change drive the emotions.
Emotions that cloud judgment.
Once thought that a person could control judgment,
Now the realization is that there is no such concept of control.
It is a vague illusion of life.
Battered, the mind learns to roll with each wave of indecision.
The body becomes weathered and wary, showing the mar ks of disaster.
The spirit remains the stable compass, But is unable to change the course.
Mind meets the worse fate.
Enduring what is pushed for only so long,
Emotion grips the mind.
Becoming a richly painted work of disdain.

pg. 64
Wishes And Hopes

A dream that cultivates the inner desire
Becoming wanted outcomes excite the mind
Tonal thoughts that make life exciting
However, the sheer existence of such baffles me
What is wanted becomes a fleeting need
I walk in a place that feels lonely
Is it my choice?
I do not know, but what I want is not what I have
The question becomes more problematic
Desire seems to drive me,
But they are never met
Sadness taunts me to points of self-loathing
The wash of such doubt grip me
I feel as though I deserve better
But the deep recesses of the mind tell me I don’t
Why is this internal struggle so condemning?
It seems as though what I want will not come,
But I hope that it will
The time may not be right
However, my wants make me cry
They exist so far from me
They taunt me
Yet the pain must wash away
I am being made anew
Light dwells somewhere inside
What if I can never find it?
What if it is never meant for me?
I hope that I make it.
But that is just another thing that I do not k now

Wishes and hopes should make life move forward,
But for me they are a reminder of what I do not
Have and may never have. I guess that is the woe
That I fear the most. To be left by myself and with
Myself, a scary thought at the very least.

pg. 65
Definition

No one can tell me what I am.
Life is too short, and I cannot bear your scorn.
I am the one who sees myself in the mirror.
I am the one that can know me better than any ot her.
My darkness is so profound.
My sadness is dreadful.
My happiness is unknown.
My joy is unfounded.
My pain is real, to the point that I dread day and night.
I am the one who decides.
My scorn,
My hate,
My disunity,
Is mine alone.
You may think it strange, that I see what you don’t,
I see that I am something you cannot name.
I see something that scares me.
I see the true me.
I see the pain that I have caused.
I see the old paths that haunt me.
I see the destruction that I have left in my wake.
I see that I can forgive, but not myself.
I see what good I can do.
I see that there may be some good deep within.
So, I ask you, why do you think that you can tell m e what I am?

pg. 66
Reason

Empty thoughts,
Nothingness shrouds the mind.
Glazing images come and go,
Still no reason.
A loose collection
Irrelevant thought.
Nothing of value.
Still no reason
Words flowing in a string
Of collective misgiven with
A mix of nothings.
Still no reason.
A pointless exercise of
Resolve. Mixing into nothing
More than empty thoughts.
Still no reason.
I Am Truly Alone
I exist in
A world of
M eaningless interaction
T hat causes
R ampant times of fear
U nrelenting, because of a
L ack of connection leaving a
Y earning for
A bsolute knowledge of another and
L ove that endures not
O nly existent in mind
N or in the ideas of what romance should be, but where
E verything allows each person to grow together.

pg. 67
Adrift

What I feel is palpable
I want to cry,
But I cannot.
I feel lost,
Yet I know where I stand.
It is so strange not to know yourself.
It is dreaded fear that makes me feel
So distant, fear that pushes me to withdraw
Fear that holds me tight.
The thought so near to my mind.
I feel as though no one is there
Yes, people surround me, but
No one is there to hold me.
The fear tells me that it will always be this way.
The hurt indescribable
The dread so frustrating
The sadness is overpowering
I hate it all, there is no resolution
My mind is bombarded from all this emotion and nothing
Will end it. I am lost amongst a world that is
Enthralled with happiness and joy,
But there is none for me.
I am truly alone, lost, and afraid

pg. 68
Standing And Hoping

Distant thoughts draw the mind to points of braking
A hope of what was lost now screeching in the mind
A hope that was with in grasp now nowhere
A drive that once was is now gone and has left the wary self
An existence that has become nothing
A desire now a dread that has come to be
Nothing to retard what is bearing down
Nothing to stop the falling walls
Nothing to support the weight of the soon to fal l roof
It is crashing, it will destroy
No one is there to hold
No one to protect
I just stand there alone
I just stand there waiting
I just stand there with no will to run
I just stand there hoping that it will happ en quickly
I just stand there wishing it not to hurt
The Mind Unknown

Ravenous thoughts devour the mind
Pushing the desires of objectification
An overwhelming push of existence
No longer controlling the need to
Temper such primal urges
A wanting for what is out of reach
Entices the body and controls every
Weak and misguiding emotion
With a slight teetering on the edge
Of insanity
The will unable to bridle what lays
In that depraved mind.

pg. 69
A Period Of Transition And
Reflection

The normative of life is that everything is always i n flux
No way to overcome the pains and misfortune without so me thought
Introspection becomes the way to change The wish to become new
Is the very drive that life has instilled in each and every person
It is incumbent to heed that intuition

pg. 70

Days Of Change

I sit here alone,
With my own fear,
My own hate,
My own thoughts,
My own pain,
My own demons.
They stand before me haunting me,
I weep not for tomorrow
But, I weep for what I have done. My pain caused me to lash out.
My self-hate has crushed me.
My self-loathing has hurt others.
I see myself for what I was,
A sad little child lashing out.
No excuse did I have. . .
Only pieces to put together.
I was worthless.
The only hope that there is . . .
Always tomorrow.
A day of renewal.
A day of new possibilities.
A day that I won't be alone.
A day that the demons are no more.
A day that I will be whole.
That day seems so far off. Yet it's promise holds true. With work it will come.
With time they will fade away.
No more am I that disgusting beast.
Now, I stand triumphant.
The days of the past are part of me,
But they will not rule me,
Nor will I rule over others.
Never again will I be that person.
The light of that day break seems so sweet.
I yearn for that day, I will seek that day, I will grasp that day.
Oh, what sweet love and peace will I know that day.

pg. 71
Marks

A loss felt forever
A sadness extends out
Pain cuts fresh.
The wound never goes away
It heals after time,
But the mark is forever.
Onward the march
Passes without realization
That the pain will go away.
Day after Day
Week after week
The horrible waxes old.
The existence is worth
More than one could know
The enduring love is what heals.
The Falsehood Of Life

Time floats through the elusive concept of existence
A vivid realization of such a falsehood seeks to
Destroy the concept of totality and life itself
Thoughts that invoke a reality that is untrue
Because time has moved on, then progress is made
But just because time has marched onward there
Is no promise that things are any better off.
Often the woes of life have increased,
So much that was meant to improve life has
Undermined the concept of connections that
Are based not on the beauty of human existence,
but rather on the superficial concept of desire.
Life is contingent on reality. However, reality
Is self-made as is the concept of time and progress are
So then, what is the reason that we hold to
Such invalid concepts that lead us so far astray?

pg. 72
Prolonged Fear

Lasting fears lingers in the hearts of men
They cripple the mind
Forcing the body to recoil
No way to stop the onslaught
Of rolling emotions
The mind offers only enforcement
Of rejection that causes a detestable
Cycle.
Unable to be broken with simple
Thought the mind must be aware
Of impending change and embrace
That it was not meant to be.
Left Behind

Drops collide with the harsh reality.
A smile meets its demise.
Sadness has come back as though it never left.
Just one thing lost.
A chance encounter now a vision of the past.
Overwhelming thought as a distraction ties
The events of lost; now a machete
That cuts deep into the heart and mind.
Pain unseen and thoughts unknown.
No choice but to accept
What is now lost
The longing will last
Time will cause the soul to groan
But this too will be left behind.

pg. 73
Alone

As life passes
I stand alone thinking about everything,
The loss so great,
My fears linger.
I thirst for companionship,
But there is none.
So close that it slips through my hands.
In a weak and feeble motion
I try to draw anyone in,
But to no avail.
The thoughts crush inward.
The collapsing invigorates fears.
They push inward, cutting their way
To my heart.
And Life still passes on despite my temporal brake.

A Thought Of Extremes

Standing alone wishing for more
The fight that endures for those
That want a connection
The fear pushes people beyond
Points of reason that confound
The mind and toy with emotions
A dismissive thought of fear grips
The soul and causes doubt untold
Clearing all that was once true
The sad inclination is that some
Experience this day by day without
End and to the extreme.

pg. 74
Lost Time

The lost years are those that
We struggle for, full of wonderment
A time that we were in search for
Who we are. What happens when
They never existed? A time that was
Meant to define a person.
They are gone and they never happened
The years just piled in the things that
Should have been are lost.
Now vacant holes abound in the past.
What fear is now here when you
Do not know who you are nor
How to be with another.
Fear and doubt just dance around.
Embers of hope just lost.
And now standing bewildered on
How to live.
No advice exists to help the hopeless
Woes of confusion.
Wishes And Reality

Sorrows abound, but joy resounds.
The dark destroys, but happiness illuminates
The pain is cold, but the light embraces.
The hate is temporal, but the love is everlasting.
The night is tiring, but the day is warming.
The control is fleeting, but the freedom is peaceful.
I must choose,
One side my dreams,
The other my reality
How can this be?
One haunts,
The other uplifts.
Why can’t I have the side of my dreams?
One dark and painful,
The other a release of everything.
Why can’t I shed this dark reality?
Why can’t this pain release?
Why can’t I relent?
What strange power does the dark have to reign ove r me?

pg. 75
The Past Never Lost

Today is not yesterday,
The pain once more removed.
One more day and today will cease to exist,
In some strange alluring way,
Yesterday seems so much more peaceful. No questions did I have,
No realization of the past did I have.
But we only have today, Never able to go back,
Never able to change what was,
Never able to forget.
But we only have today.
Although yesterday happened, I will not forget
For it is what drives today.
At some point today will end and start tomorrow,
However, it will still be today,
With the hope of tomorrow.
The fiery past will always remain in yesterday,
It will try to come into today, But the fight must be won.
The victory of today must be had.
No choice but to fight, No matter what the timid mind must insist.
Today is the day of victory, for that is all we are g uaranteed.

pg. 76
The Old Self

An impetuous little child sits in the middle of A room.
Alone he surveys it.
With no one in sight he begins to move
Looking for something
To bring joy untold.
His prison cold and despondent.
Emptiness throughout the room.
The silence deafening.
The darkness imposing upon that child’s inner soul.
The still of the room disturbing.
The child has realized that he is alone.
With nothing there to still the worries.
The tears begin to fall down his soft face. The fear encroaching even deeper, He is without love, he cannot even muster love of se lf.
Now, the response comes ringing throughout the empty room.
The echo of the crying, heart wrenching.
Screeching pains flow out of the child like the cr ies of a banshee.
The room’s response is only to create a chorus of ho rrific harmonies.
Nothing to stop the impending tantrum to come.
Without warning the child starts to swing his hands thr ough the air.
Sadness has now been replaced by violent anger.
The air starts to taunt him.
Each swing misses its intended target.
Without realized accomplishment he changes the target of his anger.
Now laying and resolute that no one will save him, he begins striking the unforgiving floor.
With haste the child strikes with all the might tha t he can muster.
Yet, there is no victory, each strike just as pointl ess as the last.
The battle rages on with no end in sight.
The child defeated, alone, and tired resigns him self to the sad truth.
His defeat somehow is his own personal victory.
The room begins to quiet to that cold stillness.
Sadness is the only lingering feeling.
Despondent the child has become.
Indifferent to the rage and pain that so consumed him.
Left broken and alone the child must regain himself.
He is at a point that decision must be made.
Only he can open the door,
A door that will allow the pain to end and someon e in.
The door that was always there.
The only question that stands in the way is;
Will anyone enter to remove him from his prison?

pg. 77
Awareness

The lack of self is a loss of understanding.
The world seems without reason.
Beings just doomed to walk around,
With no indwelling hope.
The aimless just wander to and fro.
Thought is stifled in this cloud of confusion and indifference.
The willingness to obtain greatness. . .
Is lost.
Choice or chance in the loss of self is unknown,
there needs to be confrontation.
The resolve must return; the self must be known.
Identity is the foundation of relationships.
The foundation of any interaction.

Evaluation

A concept often overlooked.
Self-evaluation, the foundation of
Identification, as though an evil thought
The possibility of lying to the inner person
Is often thought as an impossibility
Deceiving lies cloud judgment.
Lies intercede against self-evaluation
They twist introspection.
The self is unaware of the distortion.
Thus, the evaluation produces invalid truths.
Perception drives life.
It provides the inner answers
Pounding thoughts attempt to dissuade
Evaluation, but such intrusions
Only stop the unwilling.

pg. 78
Overwhelming

Sadness and fear over take me.
I somehow feel adrift in a sea of confusion,
One that causes me to doubt.
Crippling it may be, I must resist the
Urge to fall back. I feel alone even though
So many stand around me. Transition
Is the matter at hand. Death is impending,
A death of the old and rebirth of the new.
Fear still holds tight. Nothing can remove
It. An everlasting battle seems to linger on
Ward.
Emotion That Drowns

Doubt is the most crippling emotion Pushing the mind to points where things Seem hopeless.

Doubts linger in the recesses of the mind waiting, for that explicit moment when it knows how to mislead its unexpected victim.

Dashing dreams and hopes.
Crushing the excitement that once existed.
Visions of inconsistency dance through the mind. What could be the reason?
Was it me that caused this?
Was it all a game?
Have I been played? No answers come.
The doubt still lingers as a dark gray cloud hangs in the sky
Waiting to unleash the impending storm.
Nothing can be done to stop it.

pg. 79
Reaction

A rushing feeling over takes the body.
The feeling palpable and pushing the
Mind to a state of higher awareness.
Each sound causing a reaction. Each
Sense vibrating throughout the soul.
The mind grasps for explanation and
And calm. Yet the body is demanding
Reaction. The heart racing with raging
Force. The eyes wide open expecting
To see what is coming next. A sound
That is soft breaks the stilled silence.
A voice of tenderness and rich with
Knowledge begins to speak. Words
That tingle the ears, words enchant
The mind. The soul rejoices in the
Calm that is brought. The words are
Simple, but profound. With a quick
Jerk the body turns to see what is
Not there. Yet those soft words are
Burnt into the mind. The cadence
And tone never forgotten, and the
Peace left with a raging strength
To face anything. The abating
Feeling that was once known is now
Replaced with . . .

pg. 80
Must Be Broken

The pain so real,
The last attempt
Has been made
I am lost with no
Answer. Wishes
Are just lofty
Thoughts that
That never come
True. They flap in
The wind. I am lost
I cannot cope.
It is all worthless
And I know it. The
Pain is so imposing
The self-loathing
Too much to bear.
I just don’t know
How anything works
I feel as though I cannot
Do anything right no
Matter how hard I
Try. But this can not
Be my final stop. I
Must move forward
No matter how much
I want to pity myself.
The cycle must be
Broken. I must not
Continue to hurt
Myself. I deserve
Better and only I
Can stop all of this.
To remain a victim of
My own actions is
Not the way I want
To be. I have choices
And it is a fight that
Seems to never end,
But it must someday.
That day I will be a
Victor of my life.

pg. 81
Broken

Why can't I love?
Because I am broke.
Why can't I feel?
Because I am broke.
Why can't I fix me?
Because I am broke.
Why am I broken?
Because I am dead.
Why am I dead?
Because I am broke.
The pain flashes through my veins.
The pain causes convulsions.
The pain won't stop.
And why?
Because I am broke.
I lay here panting for breath,
Like my dying breath is still to come.
Fix myself.
The mere thought, shakes these cold and tired bones.
Is it possible for life to return to me?
Because I am broke.
Yet with each calming touch, I realize life has never left me.
Yet I am broken.
But I live,
The pain real
The hate real
The loss real.
The brokenness real.
It is all too real.
Who am I? No one, some one?
Do I decide, or has it been chosen for me?
The brokenness; seems so dark.
Light seems fleeting.
Yet, hope must be my resolve.

pg. 82

Sight So Sweet

The eyes of a child,
So innocent and so full of wonder.
Unharmed by the hate in the world.
Then at that one point…
The eyes are closed,
Never to remember the wonder,
Never again to be innocent.
That wonder stolen, that hate digs in.
The days of pain just start,
And there is no way to stop.
No, it shouldn't be this way.
But it happens to every child.
No one pain greater, no one pain worse.
No one person to blame,
We all will see the pain.
A child's eyes cannot remain open forever,
That's the sad fact of this life.
No matter who we are we can never run from this fact.
That is so sad, so painful, so depraved, so real.
Wonder may seem to return, now jaded,
But the innocence remains lost,
We all play a part,
To what degree is our choice.
No matter the reason it is true, it is a part of li fe

pg. 83
I Wish

I wish for so much
To be happy again
To be in love again
To hold another
To sing with joy
To be whole and not broken
To make love
To experience the fullness of life
To find who I am
To live to the fullness of my potential
So little of my wishes do I experience
I feel sorrow
I feel pain
I see failure
I see destruction
I feel alone
I know depression
I feel broken
The need for becoming me is overwhelming
I need acceptance . . .
Not from another
But from myself
I just do not know how to do that
To know me as a real human, able to feel and grow

pg. 84
Hope

Memories come flashing through my mind.
No end in sight.
Few and far are those that bring happiness.
Yet, they still bombard the mind, visions of pain and darkness.
I feel numb to the pain,
Sad that I no longer feel.
To cry, what is it worth?
It was so long ago but it feels like it just happened.
No longer can I hide, no longer can I lie.
Today, Tomorrow that’s all I have.
The past shaped me,
In ways unknown to me.
No longer can I reject myself.
No longer can I create pain,
No longer can I be alone.
I want love, but I have
None to give myself.
All that I have is for everyone else.
I am afraid,
Of what may or may not be.
How I will be on the other side of my life.
The help I need is found within.
Yet I don’t know how to fix myself.
Not that I don’t have the answers.
The unwielded mind is sad,
Even sadder, is the mind that holds darkness.
Can there ever be hope?
The mere thought just as scary as the past.
How can hope exist in me when all I have known is d arkness?
How can I walk the path when I cannot see it?
My mind has blinded me,
Yet I still stumble as a drunk staggering out of a bar .
My mind is frozen in the past.

pg. 85

One More Step

Each day I take a step,
Not knowing what will come next.
My fears and remorse slow me down.
They grip me so tight as a mother should hold her child.
They hold me, they stifle me,
They cloud my judgment.
Yet, all I can do is take one more step.
The path unknown and sorrowful.
The fear of being alone, is all too real.
One step, no matter how large it is,
Is still making me move forward.
The past can only be seen through the lense s of today.
The past seems so close, but it will always be behind me.
Another day,
Another step.
The path seems unrelenting,
At least it leads somewhere.
The unknown becomes the expected,
Where control and fate meet, I do not know.
I must relinquish the fear and
Step once more.
Another step another day.
With the past behind me,
One more day one more step.

pg. 86
A Time Of Thought

The old adage
“God never gives you more than you can handle”
Stands as a joke
When there is no God.
Perchance there is nothing.
We stand as pointless masses
Holding onto what semblance of hope that may be.
Not knowing, but hoping
The thought faint and troubling.
Not to know is to know that all is for naught. The struggle stands as a monument to nothing.
Nothing is nothing; that is the problem.
So why?
Stuff seems to hold on so tight
The demons of the past urging for us to fall.
The fight as though it is done.
If there is nothing, then why do we keep going?
For a few seconds of bliss.
What is that in the grand scheme of things?
But the convers could be said.
One says that problems are insurmountable
Others say that they can be overcome.
Who is right? No one knows.

Decisions

Too many thoughts,
Too many avenues,
Too many fears,
Too many choices,
Too many friends,
Too many joys,
Too many options,
Too many sorrows,
Too many thoughts of the past
There is only now and one choice that matters.
The life once seemed full, but now empty.

pg. 87
Forgiveness

How can I forgive myself?
My heart is now bare, able to feel once again.
The days pass by, and the remorse still remains.
The events,
Feel fresh; the visions just as vivid
Whether or not the solitude remains,
No one but me knows
Those around me,
They can’t know the demons as well as I do.
They taunt me so,
They laugh, as they rejoice in my pain.
I run but,
Hiding is no longer possible
As I stand in a dimly lit room,
With only a reflection
Looking back at me
A shadow of my horrid past.
The shame washes over me.
There is no one to forgive
As the past stands resolute against me.
I yearn to forgive myself.
I can no longer cry,
I can no longer hide
I can no longer run
I can no longer . . .
Feel bad for what caused it.
I can only see what I did and
The pain I inflicted.
The pain I carry is real, it cuts as a dull knife.
Ripping and tearing my tender flesh.
No one knows the torment that I fear
No matter how much I tell.
How can anyone forgive me?
How can I forgive myself?
As the time passes the darkness fades
The room fills with light.
Now I see,
The demons still remain
The reflection clear
I stand destroyed, weak, and troubled.
The light starts to blind me,
But I still feel.
The demons hold tight,
They will not relent.
My tears are dry,
No longer . . .

pg. 88
The pain, the feeling, the visions will not relent they pull me
With the winds of emotion but,
No longer can I cry
The darkness still has its hold,
And the light will not release me.
But,
How can I forgive myself?

Divergent Paths Leading . . .

Joy so astonishing,
To know that there is a next step.
Things are not a matter of where one was.
There is always another move to make.
Although, things have been it doesn’t mean that t hings will remain that way.
Time continues and hopes lost.
A perilous journey of next steps.
Unfolding before our eyes.
A decision arises and pain to follow.
The steps may be light.
But the real impact forever left unknown.
A step; perchance a dream.
No matter the step it must be taken
Heavy hearted the walk must go on.
It becomes the march of sorrows for some.
And for others the way to freedom.

pg. 89
A Plea

Oh, Dear God,
My heart burns from my hell.
It consumes me,
My fear will not let go
My pain will not stop.
You are the master of all,
You are the only one who can
Free my immortal soul.
Yet my pain . . .
Shall remain.
The tears rush like mighty rivers
They contort my face . . .
I grimace as to release everything.
You oh mighty God,
Are the only one that can save me from this hell.
No matter if it is self-imposed.
You are the mighty savior,
Who will fight for me.
I am weak, you are powerful,
I am a sinner,
I have hurt others and myself.
No one can remove that gilt.
I stand before you,
Ashamed,
Scared,
In pain . . .
You are the only one I can rely on.
You are He, and I am worthless. My struggle is real
All too real.
Please, Oh Mighty Lord,
Give me rest,
Give me rest.
Depression is so crushing,
My mind runs me tired.
I cannot breathe
I cannot stop crying.
The pain is so hard to bear.
My heart beats as a raging river
Whose perils are unknown.
I feel as though the darkness will never end.
My tears are running dry.
The pressure never allows me to rest.
Every waking moment I am consumed.
Every resting moment I am haunted by my past.
How Could I?
I knew better,

pg. 90
I knew the same pain,
I knew the cost to my soul.
No matter the calming words,
My rest is not near.
My journey not ended.
Although I am tired and wary,
I must endure, without the sweet rest.
I must travel until I have reached the final destination,
All the depression and pain are a distortion from t he past.
Then when I reach you, Oh Lord,
You will give me rest.
You will be my rest.
Yes, Oh Lord . . .
See my soul through to that day, and I will rejoice in you;
Oh, Mighty God!

pg. 91
Two Ways

A day of choices.
Only two stand before me
One to deny self
The other to deny truth.
I stand at the crossroads
Unsure which to take.
The choice not simple.
Both are divergent
But something is lost.
Oh, what woe. No
One can make the choice
To walk one is to be untrue
To self. To walk the other
Is to deny the foundation
Of my past. The choice must
Be made, just not right now.
Oh, what woe will I have
That day. A day that will be
Broken. Why can’t there be
A simple answer. Answers are
Never simplistic. One path that
Holds hope, while the other
Holds happiness. There is
No middle ground.
Both sides alluring.
Yet the answer eludes me.
A decision that I envy not.

pg. 92
Reflections

To face the past,
To stand before who I was.
Rejected I felt.
I stand here
Do I like it?
No.
Will it control me, that is a choice that only I can make.
The future is all I have.
The hopes of long ago,
Make their grand exit.
What of the hope of tomorrow,
They have not been chosen yet.
The world lays ahead.
The answers to come tomorrow
Strife

The internal struggle that causes strife
Causes thoughts unbearable
To walk a path that is new or one old.
Both places with overburden.
Neither hold a guaranteed result
Both have their allure.
Divergence so great.
Each promise death.
But, both are still calling.
Which to choose?

Experience

Vents of the mind expose the reality of thought
Existence provides a tapestry that is so visionary
Emotion interprets such a world, but chaos rules it
The body experiences the fullness of life, but pain i s a guarantee
The soul envisions the hopes and connections, but some are dashed
Anyway that life moves
The self responds to the reality of life

pg. 93
The Realization Of The Imagined

Existence of achievement what
Is thought as the foundation
For life.
Is existence more than this?
To set what is obtainable has meaning.
To accept the mediocrity becomes the static.
Varied experiences shape understanding.
Yet understanding is not the goal of true existence.

A wary contradiction forms,
One where drive and intellect collide.
Drive the essence of realization
And intellect the essence of understanding.
Drive propels, and Intellect calls for paused thought.
Drive causes achievement.
Intellect bears knowledge.
Which stands superior?
Equality never a true expression where dualism does not exist.
Both seek the inner dominance or inner balance.

pg. 94
The Self-Awareness

To see myself for what I am.
Is scary at the least.
I am desperate, a frail human
That is like everyone else, alone,
Afraid, able to love, able to hate,
Able to be happy, Able to hurt, and able to be hurt, I am like everyone else.
Falsely I held to what I was not.
I played the roles that I thought I should,
And the roles that others placed on me.
Now, I stand rejected.
From myself, from others,
And from my past.
Perception is reality?
Ha, it is all a joke.
The concept of reality is nothing more than a want ed dream.
It is as vivid as we want it to be;
Or as docile as we want it.
Yes, I am a human, but so are you.
We may think that it is real that we do not feel pain or live like others,
But we do.
The reality is that everyone is weak and frail,
It is not that we don’t try to reject it and pe rsonify what others perceive,
The truth is that everyone is broken in this wor ld.
No matter how much we say it is not so.

pg. 95
All I Have

All I have is my words
Sometimes they are squishy
Other times they are destructive
They can be loving and tender
They can become abundant and ambitious
My words are the only thing that
Has brought me to this point.
Vacant they can be at times
They envision the best of me
They can delude me from myself
Yet the words also complete me
In dark times the words flow as a river
In enlightened times the words give pause to thought
In the bright points in life they bring joy and hum or

Words are often misunderstood
They evoke every emotion known to the delicate min d
Words can dash even the highest hopes
Words can excite the fervent thirst for knowledge
Yet words have so much power
They exist in the totality of being
They exist in the existential drive of humanity
They exist in every walk of the human world
They drive and shape the way that we see and underst and

So, all I have is my words, I hope that they mean som ething to you
In the same way all you have is your words,
Use them wisely.

pg. 96
The Question Of Life

The darkness that lives in us
Feeds on us.
That darkness causes pain,
Inadequate thoughts and fears,
The loss of the rational mind,
Insecurities,
The feeling of unease,
And above all else it pushes us to act out.
The thought of control is impulsive.
Once thought as mastered,
It will rear up in a new way.
The darkness so crippling and destructive. The light that shines out of the darkness, Is not the end of dark moments,
But rather the tempering of darkness.
Darkness is the absence of light,
And light is the absence of the dark. Both are dependent on the other In one way or another.
No darkness, then there can be no light.
Such words become irrelevant without its antithesis.
Yet the emotions are real, the feelings that never en d
In this corporeal world.
They Push and pull as the though we are nothing more than a rag doll.
With cruel intent, these feelings cause confusion on the wary mind.
Although there are emotions that bring forth good. Some people are driven by the “good.”
Is it still good when someone does it for self-gratific ation?
To make the self, happy, To bring forth self-love,
To encourage enlightenment.
No matter what the dark still pushes the self to over come.

What use is the Battle between
Light and Dark, Good and Bad emotions.
The existence Is true,
But there Must be More Than
This.

pg. 97
The Battle Of Life

What darkness have I yet to face?
What holds me down?
What is the foreign yet calming sense?
Is it the foreboding darkness that wants me to submit?
No, no, no . . . I must resist. . .
No, no, no . . . I must stand . . .
No, no, no . . . I must not be stilled. . .
No, no, no . . . I must fight . . .

I stand at the dividing line of light and dark, lif e and disaster.
No matter which I choose there is pain.
One girded by love.
One girded by fear.
Which do I choose?
The gray feels so calming, yet a choice must be made.
Both sides calling for my soul.
Is this real?

No longer my eyes can remain shut.
The calls are louder, my heart pounds, my body shakes, my soul screams for peace.
But there seems to be none, not for me.
Out of the light there is a hope. A hope that the pain will only be temporal.
The darkness offers no such promise. Shall I rage against the darkness or embrace it?
It is who I was, but hope must win.
Not knowing I take one step.

pg. 98

Childhood

A playful thought swings through the air
Dancing like dreams through the mind
Toying with the fascination of youth.
The end unfolding before its time
Still the images of excitement a thing
Of envisioned happiness
Despite the willful fear a need to
Play remains to give the promise
Of what is still to come
Value

What am I worth?
The sum total of my past,
Every bad thing
Every good thing
Every indifferent thing
No this cannot be so.
If this is so . . .
Then I am nothing that can be good.
So, then what?
It must be what I will do!
The lives I touch in a positive way!
A Wish

What is wished for,
Peace of self and mind.

pg. 99
Paths That Give Way

A path that requires thought stands Before me; a path that is full of questions
A perplexing choice draws my mind To places of confusing enlightenment
A vigilant expectation pushes me onward
In a way that is inexplicable
A feeling of remorse still lingers despite Depth within the mind causing
A wanting that can only be described In ways that no one can fathom
A battle between what is to be and
What was ensnares the mind past
A point of wariness that is dreadful
Peace can only be found in the continued progress
A walk of faith of the inner self is what
Causes me to give pause and reflect on what was
A journey that is not just one of thought alone
Although the first step was taken because of thought
A joyous moment exists when the last step is made
Time exists to mark some sense progress. Yet
A walk on a path should never be measured in such a wa y

Soft And Quite

Standing in a place where hopes
Meet reality is confounding to say
The least. What does it all mean?
Well truth be known only one
Knows. The self must be relied on.
The answer can only come from
Within. The small voice that yearns
For peace. That voice so soft that
Many miss it. Yet the soothing
Voice has a place. To dissuade
One from doing what is wrong.
It is an amazing thing and saves
So much pain if the advice of that
Voice were heeded.

pg. 100
A Hope Of Victory

Vulgar thoughts cascade through the mind
Past transgressions hold tight, flashes of so long ago
The mind entangled with untold fear and pain
Of what was and now is
Ruins lay in the wake of the past,
A past of personal creation.
But now a time to face
What was and
A time to become made anew.
The instruments lay in hand,
But no knowledge of how to move forward.
All that is seen is that devastation of the past.
A period of transition takes hold with a sweet promise
The future brings forth inspiration
Hopes to cause impact on the ones that are loved
A freedom that will lift this wary soul.
A hope for life to return
Exquisite light fills the mind.
Life becomes clear, and the past but a memory
Of what was, that fade into but a small
Chapter of life.
To become free, to become aware of value, to become made anew,
To become what dwell within, a fulfilment of life t hat was always
Promised. That day will become the day that the pas t no longer

Holds tight to the fragile psyche
The mind focused no longer on the past, but now on w hat will be.
No longer shall the reigning darkness consume, the li fe that now is.

pg. 101
A Victor In All

The one to overcome
Full of so much inner strength
Incapsulated by strife, caused by unbearable pain.
Things that no one should bear. So, sad to see what had happened.
Yet, the victory is within reach
Doubt may stand in the way
Fears may seem as a barricade
Sorrows may imply failure
The past a reminder of the darkness
Victory a change of prospective
An urge to endure until the bitter end
An ability to rise above
A desire to overcome any thing
No matter what has happened
The past
The sorrows
The fear
The doubt
Life is full of events
Events that cause a choice
To rise or to fall
To be a victor or victim
To stand or run
To fight or give in.
Each event must have a victor or victim
No one can make that choice without the inner will of strength
Or the feeble weakness of dreadful hate of self.
The choice is now decided.

pg. 102
The Victor

No one fully knows my pain.
Even though they think that they have walked the same path.
No one cares about the sorrows that I hold.
Or at least that’s the way that I see it.
I do not mean to say that you cannot sympathize,
But I don’t think that you know what I do.
It is hard to walk the path that I do.
Yes, it is nice that you want to help me.
Yes, it is great that you think that you can carry my burden.

But the truth is,
What I hold is mine to hold.
Sadly, that is what I must do.
Walking the path has its points of happiness.
I still keep going, the past weighs on me.
It is not yours to carry for me.
I know that you don’t care, or at least it fe els that way.
Look, it means a lot that you want to help.
However, there are things that I must
Do on my own.
This is all to say that my victory is mine to achieve,
It will be pointless if you do it for me.

pg. 103
Joys Released

Hopes of the past spring alive,
Hopes that I thought were dead.
How could I ever be happy?
My life neat chaos.
As I watch I become pensive,
The reflection of was and now is dancing through my brain.
Truth and lie are separated, and I am scared.
The chaos has ripped me asunder.
Up is down and
Down is up and
Right is left and
Left is right.
Yes, I want the simplistic, but the chaos reigns over i ts Dominion.
I have fear, I have dreams, I have wants.
Yet, the whirlwind never ends.
No longer do I know the simple,
Life is a wash of complexity that the ch aos has created.
Its force so destructive, yet so beautiful.
Now I stand in a new world, one so foreign
But so calming.

A Response Of Gratitude

Thank you,
I know that I am despised.
Not just by you,
But by myself.
I have divulged the truth.
Not one that I am proud of, but the truth sheds ligh t into darkness.
My life is in tattered shards of glass, yet I cannot c ry.
My tears are not for myself.
They are for others; my pain is nothing compared to those of others.
These tears are for another.
I am not worth them,
No matter how much I want to shed them for myself.
I must be freed, the fresh wound so old but so tender t o the touch.
My life lay ahead,
But these tears are meant for another . . .
And not for me.

pg. 104
Change

Confusion is indictive of the coming winds of change.
The old is ready to be torn away like worn shingles o n a roof.
Tidal forces are brewing deep within.
The new is yearning to emerge.
An impending battle ready to ensnare the inner self.
Depth of emotion untold.
Sorrow and fear abound, while happiness and love wai t the impending change.
A profound sense of light and dark loom on the horiz on.
The winds now crisp and the air tinged with a sweet sm ell.
The lead up slow but intense.
Force unseen, shaking the soul to its core.
The time is now!
The temptation to resist, strong and deceiving.
Total submission will allow the winds to reshape and r emake the old.
Yet, the impending change is fearful, but well deserv ed.
The winds brush aside the weakest part of the veneer .
The façade tattered, the inner cracks show.
The strength to withstand falling away as the change continues.
Nowhere to hide and no way to stop what is coming.
Joy should accompany the change, but all that is fel t is pain.
The pain and remorse drive through the heart as a kni fe though a piece of paper.
Each gust twisting the knife deeper.
No. Is this what change should feel like?
As time pounds on and the wind bombard the old outer shell,
as the wind takes away the rough outer edges of a ston e to make a new soft form.
The new begins to emerge.

pg. 105
The Calm To Come

Frustration pushing and pulling various desires.
Vacant thoughts probe the darkness within.
The old insecurities drawing new images of what may be.
The thoughts search for answers untold.
Doubts linger as though a thick fog.
Clouding judgment and forcing reaction.
The stillness unknown nor seen.
The devastation that may wreak havoc waiting to be r eleased.
The overwhelming urge takes hold as a drug.
Pushing towards a tipping point of violent eruption .
Out of nowhere a soft voice comes.
Calling for an end to the madness at hand.
Loving words that soothe the savage within.
Feeding the need to relax the voice becomes intoxica ting.
The vibrations penetrate into the depths of the soul.
The overarching desires ebb as the retreating tide.
The voice of love entangles the mind to cause a sti llness.
The fog lifts by the burning light of love.
The retreat signaling the end may be in sight. The stillness welling deep within.
A balance must be found.
As the night is balanced by the day. Where each has a role to play; One that supplies rest,
One that supplies vibrancy.
The inner soul is fostered to grow by such balance. Tender grace envelops the whole person. Allowing the person to be whole, Multi-faceted as a Dimond
Reflecting the full range of humanity.

pg. 106
No More

Tears dried, leaving only salty trails.
The sting so bitter.
The taste so cold.
Nothing washes the salt away.
A painful reminder that nothing has changed except the ability to cry
Is gone.
No more can I handle
No more can I feel
No more can I be
No more can life continue
The salt has destroyed it all.
The living waters siphoned away,
The hope tinged with the bitter salt.
The fear of life only remains.
The pain too great
The welcome of death so near to this feeble mind
The emotions rush
And nothing stops it.
Nothing!
Flashes of rage and sadness
Intermingle.
Worthless stuff swill in darkness
Muddy gray color mixes and thoughts So real fly by.

pg. 107
Self

The final state of holding true to
Self is often disregarded.
People tend to sway with the winds
Of change and their personal
Ideals lost. To hold on to what you believe and
Not live it is hypocrisy.
It is a false hood,
That causes,
Delusion and
Self-denial.
Which drives the greatest
Wedge into one’s life.
But, Most unaware.
Or just do not care.

But the way back,
To being true To self is
To live what
You believe,
Not just in
Action,
But also
In thought.
The acceptance
Of total truth is the internal concept
Of true integrity and the outward
Projection of reality.

pg. 108
Impending Depth

The engine of desire churns the weary soul.
The heart pounding uplifts the immortal drift of love.
Each stroke of the mighty lungs supplies the fuel of li fe.
Twitching muscles provide momentum for what is about t o ensue.
The mind contorts the senses in a way that will lead t o what is so longed for.

No longer is the will to be alone existent.
What will come of this new-found emotion?
Per chance a new love is found,
A new passion for life,
A new excitement burning deep within.
A call for calm and patience empowers the exacerbate d soul.
Yet the urge to explode with the new emotion is so o verwhelming.
Each flash of light and glimpse of dark are vivid and awe inspiring.
The soul is reignited with a passion that once was unim aginable.
Although there is a faint aroma of fear, the engine continues to push onward.

Indiscriminately this deep-seated desire becomes natu ral.
The soul is ready for the chase that will come.
A chase for the final victory of love,
For the passion of life,
And for true happiness.

Fear Of Depth

Fear untold,
Tomorrow holds the keys to the rest of my life.
The fear so strong, although I think I am calm.
Yet the uncertainty, holds me tight.
Dirty I feel, encased with so much pain.
Not just what has been but may be.
Will my past hurt me anymore?
Or, will I be allowed to be free of what was?
Whichever the case I must hold still.
The thought of tomorrow too much to bear.
As I sit here I think on the past, questioning every moment.
Every thought invokes visions that I once held onto a s fun.
Now I realize that it was filthy,
So vivid, so revolting.
What have I done?
Will it be, will I find my fear to be my truth?
The moments of fear are laced with the reality that I may be a plague on the world.

pg. 109
At Peace

Visions of the past flash through the mind.
Crisp and clear they flow together to form a story.
One of woe,
Of pain unknown,
Of secret desire,
Of pain uncontrolled,
Of enthralling excitement,
Of fear unimagined,
Of sorrow unspoken,
Of broken love,
Of depravity unencumbered.
The story that enriches the inner being,
Is inside each person.
The mind so vast and willing to experience life draws
The illustrations that make up the sorted story of e xistence.
Such visions drive the soul onward down the path of existence,
To the crowning point of life.
That explicit point where mind, body, and spir it are one.
The moment of sweet oneness is possible for all, But experienced by few.

The Future

Violence an action of malice,
That causes pain at such depth.
A revolting explosion of anger,
Force that impacts deeper than the flesh
That digs deep into the mind and soul.
Not only imposed by the hand.
Words cause the same wounds
That imprison the mind.
Each impact stronger than the last.
Pain streaking through the body and mind.
Oh, the damage.
The unintended results everlasting.
Healing takes time,
And will happen.
Just remember that the past does not dictate the fut ure.

pg. 110

A Gleeful Question

I seek answers that never come
Unknown to me those answers
Have no simple explanation as
To how things will come to be The thoughts of running back to
What I know all too well is comforting
Yet to go back is to admit defeat
Something that I don’t think I
Can ever do because I am a victor

Vulnerability has opened a new sight
In my life but such is full of definitive
Pain and sorrow that causes dread
A wanting of what isn’t yet
Has become a problem some
Form of doubt that is destructive
A wishful dread has overcome
My soul to sorrowful points

The answers may lay ahead of me
But I do not know how to interpret
The finely detailed information
That I cannot read, but who will do it

pg. 111
The Final Battle

Cold wind, cutting into the depths of the soul,
Infringe upon the senses of the inner man.
He shivers attempting to gain any heat that his body can muster.
The harsh air dances around him.
His face feels the bite of winter.
He holds the marks of the frost.
Red faced, the man faces the darkest moment of h is life.
On the doorstep of death, he takes a step.
The quaking body urges him on, but it’s for naught.
The cold is taking its toll upon the poor man.
His face rugged, yet frozen, showing that he is not long for the fight.
Once again, he takes a step,
The cold stealing every ounce of life in his breath .
Each breath, as though his last, collide with the ai r and become dense clouds of ice.
Each piece of ice acts to create the man’s tomb.
Once again, he takes a step.
The pressure too much to bear, his body begins to conv ulse.
His footing unsteady, the wind pushing him to his de mise.
With such force the man resists, but it is to no ava il.
Now, he lays on the ground.
He is defeated with no other choice but to surrende r.
Yet something in him wills the man to fight until t he bitter end.
With no victory in sight the man struggles to stan d.
The winter will have its victory.
Without notice the snow starts to fall, calming yet h iding the true intent of winter’s plan.
Chilled, and beaten the man realizes that he has l ost.
The winter has taken its victim.
The cold has inflicted its bitter pain once more.
Yet that pain so natural, it comes but once a year.
The inner soul must resist the urge that winter brings,
Or we may be like the old man,
Beaten, destroyed, and dismayed.
Not looking to the hope of what is to come in lif e.

pg. 112
The Fight Of Life

Life is a struggle at times
On that provides: highs and lows
Joy and pain
Excitement and sorrow
Desire and hate Sometimes the choice is made before any explicit mom ent
At other points a willing choice is made undenounced to the mind

The struggle exists to become aware of what and who i s around
Loneliness is always feared, but acceptance is preferred

The existential must be put aside The inner will must be heeded
The conquering force and strength Is incumbent on the truth of Existence drawing to
Points of understanding
And depths of knowledge Traversing time and Space as well As humanity Can fathom

pg. 113
The Closing Lines

This Chapter must I close,
Only I have the final sentence.
A new chapter must I start,
Only I have the ability to write that first line.
My story is not finished,
Although I don’t know where it will end.
The story will impact someone;
Someone who needs help,
Someone in pain,
Someone who is broken.
My story I am not proud of,
But it is in the past. I cannot change it.
It is a shameful pile of events.
I thought I had control,
But, truth be known . . .
I was reacting to my pain. . .
I was not in control then.
Do I deserve the consequences?
Yes, even though I could not control it.
Yes, even though I was acting out.
That consequence I will always have, to know that I was the embodiment of evil.
However, you see me
Know that I will no longer be that person.

pg. 114
The Finality Of The Closing
Chapter

To change is the wonder of life
Made in a new image
With a new perspective
No matter what is in the past
The change causing acceptance
Vigilance is the foundation of ensuring that the change is completed

pg. 115
Depression

Of the darkest hour
Pain and frustration set in
A looming sense of dread breaks through
The mind shakes, striving to meet the need for stability.
A level of emotions flow
The need for rest is never fulfilled
Nothing ever meets a positive resolve
Everything seems pointless
Dread becomes the standard
Despite the sorrow
An end will come
Life will regain meaning
The mind will become balanced
Hope will return.

pg. 116
Unending

The longing for resolution
Is often what we search for.
The reason for why often escapes us.
Yet we still look.
The answer so clear, that it cannot be found.
To find resolution is to become the ruler.
However, that is not for us.
Things left unsaid.
Things left undone.
This all comes and goes. Yet resolution is not found.
Even when we think that things are followed to the end,
The final resolution is not yet found.
To think that anything could be fully resolved is a j oke.
Is such a search pointless?
Of course not,
The endeavor is worth so much.
Such drives us, changes us, develops our own sense of ev olution.
Unknown to us we grow,
We learn to make the most of what we have.
The thought, albeit, fleeting
But it is for us to dig for.

pg. 117
Freedom

The freed soul
I have been running
And hiding so much.
My past will remain dark.
However, I will no longer be that person.
There is no need to hide,
No need to lie,
I was scary, that will always be there.
No matter why I acted
I did
Every excuse could be offered,
But they would return void and vacant.
I was, but now I am.
I could not see the real me,
Despite my lies and hiding.
I hurt others along the way aloof to why.
I stand as a person,
Yes, a real person!
No longer a lie nor the butt of a joke.
No longer a farce.
My Shell was broken by one that I hurt,
And that can never be undone.
His pain my egregious fault.
Not that he didn’t have a choice, but only words guided him to that pain.
Can I forgive myself, I hope someday?
However, the truth is now laid bear
I am now free of the past
With only the future to look to.
Yes, I will look back and always feel the pain.
But it can no longer be my master.
I was, But now I am
Once controlled by heart coercing darkness,
but now to be the person I was meant to be, free of fear and the pain, it shall be washed away.
I can and will be made anew!

pg. 118
Acceptance

The hell once known is no longer my prison.
The knowledge of a name means the ability for control.
Sickness is what placed the bars
Emotion became the cinderblock walls
Mind became the floor and ceiling
Fear became the fuel of life.
Love became the elusive freedom
Sorrow became the true punishment
Anger became a way of survival
Hate became the overall punishment.
Freedom is now possible.

Hopes For Another Day

What is this joy that I see?
I see . . .
A day of acceptance,
A day that I stand tall,
A day that I can love,
A day that I will see a whole person in the mirror.

I don’t know how far off that is:
But it will come.
Today there may be pain,
But tomorrow holds promise.
I have value that I cannot see
Can I describe what it feels like
When I find it?

Stepping Into A New Year

Another year older, another year wiser
The changing of the grad comes with a precious momen t
Where some things seem to line up in a way that is am azing
A point that creates a hope of what is to come
Yet the wisdom is there to temper the overzealous amb itions
So as each year flies by wisdom grows
To produce a person that knows how to apply the th oughts of yester year.

pg. 119
A New Outlook

Desolate desires swarm the mind
The thoughts of what is and has been
The hopes that will lead to destruction
The visions of what was
Night time happiness
The only way to overcome is to
Walk a path that is winding
Where penitence is the way of life
That leads to understanding
As well as way of survival
Where one will make it to the end victorious
Requiring a change
Of mind and a new outlook on life.
A Whole New Life

Thunder and lightning crashing as waves against the be ach
Yet the energy never dissipates.
Reviving the soul, quaking the foundation of life.
The cool refreshing air softly touches my cheek with t he embodiment of love.
Another flash lights the sky foreshowing what is to come .
The crack of thunder warns the wary wayfarer what p erils are pending.
Yet I stand there fixed, mesmerized, and anticipatin g the winds of change.
Embracing what is to come; what joy awaits in the ne w landscape.
With each breath my soul awakens, yearning for the ne w possibilities.
Impending change brings the promise of stability.
A peace like no other is found with-in the storm.
The falling rain washes away the past.
The flashes and cracks are faster and stronger now.
No longer offering warning,
But stern instructions preparing me for what is to com e.
As the storm subsides the salty air once again gives th e soft touch of love.
The landscape is forever changed,
But it still offers the comfort that I once knew.

pg. 120
Made Anew

That moment of reflection
A fright manifested, a fear that has caused so much pain in the past.
The real me exposed and vulnerable
As I stand before you.
My heart is filled with so much emotion, questions ab ound.
A sense of rejection overwhelms me, yet I stand before you.
My soul exposed to your love or rejection
Silence creates an awkward sense;
There I stand looking out a hazy window;
Not knowing, which emotion is coming.
The eerie silence is broken
With a fevered fury your voice cuts me to the core!
Passion fills my heart and my soul rejoices.
Your love lights my darkest fears; I know that you are what I longed for.
One question nags at me . . .
Is this real?
Yet somehow, I still remain before you,
Fearing that point where you might depart.
The only thing that I can be assured of is that sound o f passion
What has been, has shaped me.
But as I stand before you;
I feel that I have been made new.

Tomorrow

Delightful dreams dress desires
Promises of tomorrow becomes
The thoughts and hopes of now
Painting the world that is unseen
Fear washes away as if it was never
There. As the new day breaks existence
Becomes anew.
With the hope of leaving dread behind.
Each corner brings a foreboding sense
Meeting no realization.
A step by step approach is the way
To reach the promises of yesterday
Each new break brings another hope.
Before long the old has become new.
Full of vivid colors and every emotion.

pg. 121
Maintaining The Distance

Walking down a path alone,
May seem scary. But life is not
Always what we see. The walk
Is often calming. Just not always
In the way that you may think.
One step closer is the most important
Part. The air cools the body. The light
Lifts the mind, allowing contemplation.
The movement of walking forces the body
To leave what is stagnant. It is a change that
Few are ready to take. It is a matter to choose
To go out. The weather may not always be as
Welcoming, but to take the walk is to find energy
That calms the soul. Each day the walk becomes longer.
But the more we move the more we are able to find so mething.
The new is seen each time, although that was not the original intent.
To walk is to change, to change is to become whole. No longer able to remain still.
The walk is what life is about. We just take one step a t a time. The pace may be different
At times, but the thought still the same. One more ste p at a time. Before long we will realize
That we made it further than we ever thought that w e would. Day after day and step after step, life has
Become what we never thought we were looking for. N o longer is the fear there, now just distant. Goals
are reached, and the walk has completed.

Taking Flight

The sky is blue
With striations of light
The bird takes flight
The sky remains blue
Unencumbered by darkness
The bird soars in the skies’ vastness
The sky holds its hue
As to calm the soul with a beautiful refrain
The Bird spreads its wings as the king of its domain
As the sun sets the sky turns shades of Red, purples, and blue
Yet the light must come to a crest
And the Bird takes rest
The sky unveils what is true
The light remains in a thin strip as a promise of its impending return
The Bird will endure until the light’s return.

pg. 122
The Closing

Blue light gives way
The darkness waning.
All seems so clear.
Oh, what amazement as the dark washes away.
No more pain, No more fear
The feeling so strange,
Aloft in thoughts that control every waking moment.
Could this be real?
Perhaps a dream,
Or worse yet. . .
A cruel and horrible nightmare.
Oh, why is this feeling so strange?
Can emotion be resisted?
Love, but what kind?
The wind softly caressing my cheek, the light now env eloped me and with its warmth cradles me.
Yet, one thing feels so strange,
Is this for me?

Thoughts

Day dreams a hope of
What may be
Visions of sweetness
Laced with a reality
That is altered and
Envisioned in thoughts
And action, polite
Thoughts and whimsical
Settings. That just pass
The day away, in a world
Of imagination.

pg. 123
Refinement

Fine grains of crystalline sand
Lay as though a tapestry of
Fine linens. Treated by the hottest
Fire, burning off the greatest of
Impurities. Impressive colors of
Vibrance. Beauty of imagined
Details held within. Once great and
Mighty stones now ground into
Fine pieces of nothingness. Yet,
The beauty within cannot be
Denied. Marbling and the very essences
Of clarity is brought to fruition by
The fine artist. Crystal from stone,
A thought that couldn’t be, but it is.
Only made possible by the fires of
Refinement. Not a period of creation,
But rather a period of transformation.
Where the old is removed and what
Is left is the purity of beauty its self.
Those pure structures stand as a
Monument to the destructive force
Of fire and the refreshment that is
Provided.
Balance

When light fills life sorrows wane away.
When dark fills life pain engorges suffering.
These two facts of life are unchanging.
They become fixed sign posts that offer no direction,
But rather offer warning.
One may not be aware of which they choose.
However, a choice is always made.
The key is often balance.
Light brings softness that will not confront.
Dark brings a harshness of fight.
Some may think such is unattainable.
But the day is divided into light and dark.
Each with its own influence.
Life itself is incumbent on this balance.

pg. 124
A New Balance

As balance comes to the once ragged mind
Tender hopes start to grow. A new found
Image emerges. One of enthusiasm and
A future of bright horizons. Yet the cost
May seem insignificant, but a payment
Must be made. To let go of what was or
To let go of what now is. Both have something
Of value. Although, indecision has led to this
Point. A choice to be made new the only option.
Yet it is so bittersweet.
Change Of Life

Envisioned thoughts place
Future plans in the forefront
Encouraging a new-found drive
Pushing the wayward life
There is no other choice but to
Rage against the onslaught of doubt
Cation is thrown to the wind
Causing chaos in the wake
No one knows the reason
Yet life has been forever changed
A new passion exists found deep
With-in the newly made man.
Shadows

Figures of shadows plaster
The wall of creation
Faint but still visible
They stand fixed on
The future that
Never existed for them
Each image looking for hope
The fear is looming
Shadows have no power
They only mark the past
Showing the time that
Is no more

pg. 125
The Impending Storm

Winds roaring past,
The tempest begins turning up the seas.
The heavy gray clouds, drawing closer.
My soul starts to draw in the sight,
As the brewing tempest takes shape
I know that I should run and take cover,
Yet the indwelling soul,
Resists the primal urge
To take cover.
What is coming?
The fear invokes illusions of devastation.
The force of the wind draws up the dark and cold sea.
The trees start swaying to and fro as an elaborate dan ce,
Perfectly timed.
Waves crash, leaves fly, and the weak succumb.
Yet there my soul forces me to stand.
The wind whipping with such force.
Rain slowly starts to caress my face,
Each drop cooler than the last

The impending doom nearing,
Yet there I remain,
My flesh stands quaking,
Yet, there I remain.
Cemented in place,
My body unwilling to join the dance of the trees.
Rain pounds the shore
Yet there I remain.
Thunder rolls through the air,
The earth trembles at the grandeur to come.
Blue bolts strike the sea as a swords smith pounds his blade true.
Yet there I remain
Frozen in time,
Unable to move.
Lightning flashes, lighting the black skies,
Glimpses of the drowning rain push closer as a forebodi ng message to run, over taking me.
Yet there I stand.
My soul rejoices in the impending doom.
As the storm releases it full fury Crashing waves,
Howling wind,
Earth quaking thunder,
Flying debris,
Trees being uplifted and tossed
Taring asunder the dance they once knew so well.

pg. 126
Yet there I stand.
No end in sight
The fury still being unleashed
As though some great battle between land, sea, and air.
Lightning strikes bombarding the land
Yet the land can only offer what it held in its fer tile soil.
There seems to be no hope,
Yet there I stand.
The raging winds begin to calm. The darkness still rem ains,
A still starts to overtake the land.
The rain that was once so harsh begins to ebb.
Is this the end?
Without notice the violent battle starts to rage aga in.
One of life and death
Yet there I stand.
My flesh still quaking,
But my soul begging for more. More excitement,
More devastation,
More pain.
All because my soul makes me there stand.
My mind has no reason to understand.
Yet there I stand
The land being ripped bear,
Although I fear,
My soul welcomes the destruction, as if it wants to me et its own demise.
Yet there I stand.
The untold fury of the tempest draws softer.
The storm so soft now,
The darkness lifting,
The light returning
Everything is left in ruins,
Yet there I stand ragged and tired
But,
There I stood.

pg. 127
Facts Of Life

Why is it so easy to destroy yourself?
Too much power is given to those that reject
Too much power is given to the circumstances
Too much power is given to fear
Too little power is seen within yourself
The value of life is often overlooked
The value of self is rejected
Things happen
It is a fact of life
Why is it that you choose to . . .
Accept the pain as your fault
Think of it all as your fault
See that rejection proves that you are not worth it

The truth is you do not deserve it
No matter how you see yourself
Humanity, no matter the events, deserve respect
That means you do as well
The world is messed up,
Things happen
And
Are out of your control
A fact of life is that life is a strange balance
That everyone has a problem finding that
Balance at some point or another.
Welcome to being human and living,
It is a fun journey despite the ups and downs.

pg. 128
The Breath Of Life

The deepest breath holds
The essence of life that
Entangles mind and soul.
Vibrant emotions flash
Throughout the mind and
The spirit sings with joy.
The existence vibrates
Colors of rich hues and
Tones of emotions.
The mind envisions new
Possibilities with tinted
Aspirations that gladden the
Thoughts of tomorrow.
Although, a wash of understanding
That breath brings forth doubt.
Not one of existence, but a
Lingering thought that this is
Only for a short time.
Then the breath must escape
Once again, the deep breath
Is inhaled, the heart imbibes
The freshness of life.
Each new breath a new essence
Is instilled into the inner being.

pg. 129
Forgotten

Who would think that work,
Would be what keeps the calm.
The rush makes the heart pound.
Each project a step away from the past.
Each event a moment that things are forgotten.
Each time something completed,
One more second forgot.
The time passes and somehow,
All forgotten, for the moment.
Yet, the free time
Is controlled by those things that are wished to be forgotten.
A horrible cycle ensues.
One of longing and forgetting.
Neither, become a victor.
The intent of the loss of self for the moment is waste d.
Each moment one of confusion
As the day marches on.
Yet there is a return to what was supposed to be for gotten.
The mind only able to forget for that brief tempo ral moment.
The pain returns
The thought a mix of emotions.
Yet, that moment so longed for,
Has done its job.
Hope And Pleading
G oals of life seem so far off
O bliteration feels as though all is
D oomed to collapse into nothingness
H ellish thoughts
E nthrall the deepest levels of the psyche
L eaving no hope for the days of tomorrow
P ushing to points of desperation
M emories start to wax old and
E very thought seems to lift, as the removing of a yolk

pg. 130
Faith

Joy so sweet
Life so loving
Peace untold
Wishing and watching
The universe holds tight
To wake and worry
A thing of the past,
The walk so thrilling
Causing exuberance
Oh, to have inner faith
Reclaimed Faith

The darkest hour is here,
Faith seems so far away,
Life so close to a close.
Yet faith is what has fostered this moment.
The pleading for a swift end has come to its apogee .
Everything is a lined in a way so bittersweet.
All is written in the sand.
Faith has brought forth the moment of enlightenment .
Although, not ended,
Enduring faith has made that possible.
What other reason may there be.
The solution is within reach.
Faith will have its crowning achievement.
The end of what has caused this.
The realization that life will endure.
The name of what ails the wary soul.
The enduring truth that it is possible to survive.

Faith so sweet, faith so precious it has brought this al l to the finish needed

pg. 131
The Inner Sanctum

Lively light lingers within the
Walls of the sanctuary
Dancing with alluring movements
Shadows wash away
The burning illumination brings hopes
Darkness is removed, the past remains
But a soft image, is nothing more than
A vague outline, almost non-existent
Remaining as a reminder, yet that all
Powerful light has removed the sting.
The Fine Thin Line

The light onto my path
The once dark and tedious path
Has vanished into the real that is now
A shadow of what was
There the line stood as a blockade
One that broke will and desire
Interludes of bliss came and went
But that line never broken
Now that fine line tattered, standing
As a trusted affirmation of
What was, and now the past a
Gray hue of depth, but not substance
For now, is the concept of the next phase of life.
Existence that has become a image of hope
Hope that springs out of the inner depths of self
That has never been seen or felt

pg. 132
The Promise

Every time I wonder what could be I feel vacant.
Pain still abounds in me for what I have done
I acted out
I acted out
I acted out!
Am I responsible for my actions?
Yes!
Am I the sum of my past aggressions?
No!
I look through a haze,
A cloud per se
Yet the promise of clarity is there.
Knowing me is strange;
Yet it is worth it.
I may be weak, But I can Love
I can see
I can feel
My life was; but now is not so. . .
I see the day
That I Rise!
I will persevere
I will survive
And I will be whole,
Despite the scorn I Feel
The loneliness
The evil will be no more.
One scar, one gashing wound
All because I chose to be the creep.
Your hate is ok,
But I will no longer be that person.

pg. 133
Memories

Tender thoughts of so long ago,
The timing conspicuous, that exact moment
When it is so needed.
The mind or the divine has brought it to bear.
Thoughts of peace, so tranquil and beautiful
The times that were once lost,
Have now returned.
The sadness was washed as white as snow.
The love; the joy, has come home.
What a feeling to remember such a time from so
Long ago.
Promise

Hiding the inner self
Is a form of protection.
The masks that we wear
May change, but they are
Always there. It is an outward
Expression that we hope
Someone will find attractive.
The only problem is when we get
Close, some will never remove that
Mask. To these people the mask is truly
Who they are. Regardless of how untrue
It is. The false becomes the reality for some.
This does not have to be true for you.
Once removed the complexity of self is revealed.
A thing of beauty, and someone will see it so; one
Day.
Remember, that looks can be deceiving.

pg. 134
I Know
I know every word that I have written
I know every feeling that I have dispensed
Now my soul has been unburdened
My shame, my sorrows now released
I walk as though care free, ever word I have
Exposed to the world, a world that once seemed so cold
But now I am accepted
The woes that I carried, cleansed from me
The emotion of darkness no longer my master
The words have become the way to freedom
These words have become the avenue of rebirth
So yes, I know every word. They were always there in me, just jumbled.

It’s funny my hatred, became my way of healing.
To throw out words, but in the past they caused
Arduous troubles causing distress beyond belief
The words are my expression of self
I know every word that lays here, no longer jumbled
I know the emotions have abated and no longer contr ol
Life has regained hope, excitement
The words my new-found way of life.

pg. 135
Exalting The Way Of Victory

Pushing through times of life where all seems
Hopeless Is the mark of becoming the victor.
The victor is the one who chooses not to wallow in
The events of the past where there was no control.
Life always exalts the one that becomes the master of the
Past that has led them to the point where they stand now.

Vibrance fills the darkness of night despite
The want to recoil from such sorrow of life.
Light is the incoming change that ensues when one make s
The decision to stand against the woes that they are facing.

The whole battle is incumbent on the
Will of the inner being known as self.

pg. 136
Indwelling Strength

Strength is not the force that allows one to overcome,
But rather it is the existence of enduring fortitude that strives for victory.

Power that comes is an everlasting monument to human will,
That imbues one to partake in the final testament o f existence.

The fight may become overwhelming at times but,
Trust in the overarching truth that victory is withi n reach.

To endure to the bitter end is the sweetest taste that could be imagined.
Light is the guidance, and that light will dismantl e any darkness.

The indwelling of such power resides in all of life.
A choice is made when the fight comes with or witho ut warning.

A choice that will encase the final result that is had .
As the pendulum swings life tries to find the balance of strength and dominance.

The contorting reality is a matter of vision and pe rspective.
One must change, to take advantage of that strength that resides deep within.

Time has held the key as to who with and when these ba ttles will occur.
But time has no control over what resides within.
Meekness is not the lack of strength,
But the inability to wield such an amazing sword.
Fear is not the antithesis of strength,
But rather the temperance of that deeply indwelli ng fortitude.

To run takes strength, to hide takes strength.
To fight takes strength, to endure takes strength.
No matter the case strength
Is important to all of life as we know it.
Strength is not brute force,
Nor is it brutish action.
Rather brutish movements stand
Against the truth of precious strength.
Seek it and it will be found,
Trust in it and it will never leave,
Rely on it and it will never fail. Strength is just that.

pg. 137
River Of Emotion

Variant stipes of emotion flow quickly
Through the imagination as each possible
Outcome thought out forcing a falsity that
Is distant and sometimes guided by the wrong desire
The willingness to choose is incumbent on
A lingering wish that should never be despite
The thought of desire the choice is still made
Often to the fault that causes a cascade of
Problems drawing away the hope of existence
A dread overwhelms the feeble as opposed
To the strong that stand and fight
The choice must be made with the mind
Of existent contentment

To be true to self and fight for what is right
Or to fall victim to the weak choices of desire
The is no way to tell one which to choose
Nevertheless, which is chosen be prepared to fight

pg. 138
The Whimsical Thoughts

At times thoughts imbue the feeble Mind with musings that will
Become a small spark that can Ignite the essence of thought
And the beginning of imagination A life with such is worthless and Even the sorrows of existence

pg. 139
Truth

Truth is so confusing,
It is something that seems to be relative.
Yet, we hold it to be a defining thought.
What is truth; The lack of a lie?
The reality of a reason?
The foundation of right?
The presence of reality?
The right answer in the correct time?
The real answers?
The wrong answers in the right time?
The fact of life that is so fragile?

No matter how we see it,
Truth is sometimes false.
So, can truth be real?
However we think to define it,
It is still fleeting for all of us.
Truth is an ideal,
That cuts us.
That lifts us up.
That frees us.
That breaks us.
That torments us.
That scares us.
That we can't live without.
Regardless of how we think.
Truth is what chases us.
Even when we live in a world of lies.

pg. 140
Pain

Pain is a word that is inadequate for what it is used to convey.
A word often misused
Takes its sting away.
So, a thought, a feeling is described by a four-let ter word.
So deep and indwelling.

A short-lived response to a stimulus that causes recoil .
A monumental feeling that signals a wound.
A feeling that one has lost.
An understanding that one has caused harm to another .
An overwhelming thought that all is hopeless.
A thought of despair that no one is there to fix.
The work that one must do.
A slight feeling that pushes one to feel uncomforta ble.
A thought of one that bothers another.
Mental distress.
A physical implication.
A feeling of impending doom.
A trouble that may not end.
Yet the four-letter word carries such depth.
Pain masks the cause.
The screams that are invoked, no matter the reason
Chill one to their core.
Pain is a word that no one should understand the depth s of.
Somehow, we all know it all too well.
The sorrow, and thought that it carries is too much for some
And not enough for others.
Some thrive on pain whether theirs or others’.
While others run from pain.
It is a fact that this word will touch each of us in some way.
Its cold fragile touch drawing us to new places.
Some welcome this depraved touch,
As for myself I don’t want it anymore!
That word is full of gruesome and dark meaning,
It is a fearful word,
That has taken hold in so many . . .
Sometimes the pain, no matter how hard we try, w ill remain in us.
Pain is not the hope of what is to be,
But rather the hope of what should not be.

pg. 141
Music

Rhythmic sound vibrating throughout
The unentangled air.
The beat soothing and vibrant.
Pleasing to the ear.
Calming to the soul.
Tones balanced and harmonies unmatched
Enthrall the mind.
Pitches that evoke visions of serenity
That soothe the savage deep with-in.
Chords that make the heart leap
With joy never known.
The music of life is for every person,
Its beauty unmatched.
Albeit, not heard by all,
When one awakes from their
Slumber the music fills them.
It embraces them like a warm tight hug.
No matter the pain that may come,
Always search for the music of life.
Once found love will abound deep within.

pg. 142
The Alluring Call

Waves crashing against the beach.
The sound of the sea calling with a song That captivates the adventurous mind. The allure all to welcoming. A hope of excitement,
A wanting of exploration.
Yet, the rich dreams are dashed
By the cry of a forbidding sense. Outweighing the alluring sound Visions of destruction dance
Denoting demonic danger disclosed To the hopeless explorer.
Still the alluring sea has not given
Up on offering illusions that entice The troubled soul.
The salty sea offers its sweet taste.
The salt brings a new freshness to the air. The smells enthralling to the soul.
Yet the danger still exists.
The choices may be simple.
But the decision is not made on a whim. To stay in the safety of the solid land,
Or to throw caution to the wind and face perils unto ld.
To be tossed by the waves of change.

pg. 143
The Lack Of Structure

Words carelessly strewn across a page
With no rhyme nor reason.
The mind throws out random thoughts as fast as possible.
Slight images appear
Constructs of the comp lex mind seek to make
Sense of what is there. Still the random Thoughts rush
Without end. The complexity so unthinkable. Words with meaning Words with feeling
Words with thought
They exist in a world
That is strewn across a page.
The Words exist in a realm of
Pure imagination.
Words
Are
Constrained
By the mind.
Even though words lay across the page
A story is not
A guarantee
Nor, does a poem exist.
The words are the
Avenue and the
Lanes is the need for structure.
Words are not the
Existence of thought,
But
Rather
The essence of
Thought.

pg. 144
Adversaries
Two stand at odds.

The will of thought so compelling.
The will of self so introverted.

Each striving to master the world.
A world of diverse complexity,
Full of illusions and mysteries.

One will seek understanding,
The other seeks relation,
Two ways, yet only one can be the true victor.
Mind and spirit twist and contort in the battle of ma stery.

A battle not of brute strength.
It exists and draws the physical to extremes untold.
Thought complies action,
The spirit woos the feeble flesh.
Ensnaring the flesh to a point of indifference and a mbivalence.

The Divided Mind

Crushing pressure with untold intent fills the mind.
A divide forms
Splitting reason and emotion.
Vibrant flashes, as lighting, storm through the once p eaceful mind.
Imagination takes flight to fanciful illusions.
Emotion strikes with force, creating convulsions in the body.
Tears flow as mighty rivers, Rumbling overtakes the voice.
Pain causes the body to retreat.
Anger forces the muscles to contract.
Reason attempts to calm the raging mind.
Offering answers so desired.
Calling the body to relax.
Chasing away the fear of emotion.
Soothing the mind by offering peace.
Yet the division still exists.
At times a gaping chasm and at other points a small c rack.

pg. 145
Growth Of Age

Youth so unique. A time of Joy.
A time of exploration.
A time of learning.
A time of exuberance.
A time of love.
A time of fare.
A time of newness.
A time of fascination.
A time of excitement.

Adult hood so strange. A time of alienation.
A time of endurance.
A time of discontentment.
A time of disillusion.
A time of profound thought.
A time of seeking.
A time of reaction.
A time of action.
A time of anticipation.
A time of introspection.
A time of expectation.

The end days so feared.
A time of dread.
A time of acceptance.
A time of restful peace.
A time of retrospection.
A time of reverence.
A time of self.
No matter where one is in life there is something new.
Each stage builds on the last.
But each new stage sheds what is no longer true.

pg. 146
The Flow Of Life

Day slowly eases into night.
The night flows into day.
The cycle continues without fail.
A cycle that is reflected in human existence.
An ebb and flow of light and dark, joy and fear.
Points unknown of heights and lows.
But, the cycle must endure, no matter the cost.
It is what defines life.
It is what empowers existence.
Day and night flow together as one marking of time
As does light and dark and is the marking of true existence.

The Creation Of What Is1

Hues of color lay across a canvas
Vibrant tones create emotion
Images form to tell a story
Brush strokes show intent
A work of art that cannot be rivaled
Has been formed for all to see.
Yet, the physical form is a construct of the mind, aided by the eye
Created for the eyes of humanity to behold
A creation of beauty that no one else could see
Marks that show direction
Pictures in time revealing a tale
Vivid pigments invoke feeling
Shades of tint flow over a once blank medium

1 This Poem can be read from top to bottom or from b ottom to top.

pg. 147
Sounds

Tenacious tones tempt traversing traveler’s tempers.
Causing calculated cascades crashing carelessly
Against aging areas abounding aggregate
Shores. Shining shallows shyly shape
Daunting dangers drawing deadly doom
To the traversing traveler.
Whims

A dancing whim causes distraction
As a shiny thing may draw the oblivious person
Away from an uninformed conversation.
Whims are cute,
Well they are entertaining. The embers of life bounce kindling
Warmth and love, the components of happiness.

The triggered mind just switching track
As though nothing else mattered at that moment.

Happiness guides the progress of life.
The onward march that causes conformity.
Brings hopes of new thought
A whirlwind that can change any train of thought.

Becoming just like the grand collection of humanity .
The concept of being part of the flock guided by j ust one other.

Even causing an action that can change everything.
Pushing one into doing rather strange things.

A psychological disorder,
Just to go with the flow and never resist the rushin g tide.

Often times something rather impulsive,
And as enjoyable as it may be at the moment, trouble often ensues.

Going to the beach can be fun,
It’s just the other people that are the problem.
But then again, whims
Are probably more annoying than cute.

pg. 148
Who Wants To Be . . .

To be the first,
Can be over rated.
Truly, who wants to be the
First to get hurt in a new way?
Or even better yet,
Who wants to be the first
To be rejected by someone?
Nevertheless, there are things
That we push to be first at.
The thrill of winning is amazing.
The thrill of being the first to graduate college.
The thrill to be the first to overcome.
Being the first can be exciting.
However, such drive can
Lead to places that are
Filled with self-delusion.
Selfishness
Temperance and poise is the guidance
That will temper such.
Value sometimes is placed in the wrong places
It is not a matter that you were,
But that you achieved.

Abounding In Humanity

Mercy abounds in ways that captivate
Forgiveness is the testament of true humanity
The loathing released, the pain pardoned
Welcoming new beginnings
Trust is grounded in mercy.
Life is full of disappointments and bouts of
Disgrace, but forgiveness is the cure.
Pain seeks to control whereas forgiveness seeks
To release. Mercy oh so tender, is the abounding
Gift that allows one to forgive.

pg. 149
Warmth

Sun beams down warmth upon the old and weary earth.
Light is the source of life. It coddles the plants and energizes
Animals.
Rays of golden love tenderly caress the outer shell.
Humanity has been softly awoken.
Vibrancy has lofted to every sense.
Heat warms the inner soul as an embrace from the divi ne
Light dances off everything creating a cascade of bea uty
The air’s excitement carries wafts of delicate enchan tment,
That tantalize the mind.
Quickly forgotten humanity begins to rage on.
Strife is an embedding mark on humanity.
However, the sun still provides its nourishment.
Even during the darkest moments of night, the light i s still
Reflected as though a watchful caretaker.
The source of everything that fosters life
The sun will endure and continue to bring its tender touch.

Fireworks

Explosions sound through the quiet night sky
Bright colors cut the dark night
Burning embers falling towards the quiet earth
Shapes so strange grow and softly dim Rapid flashes
Shimmering sparks
Quick pops of color
Loud cracks
Vibrant smells
Quaking whistles
Crackling reports
Massive concussive force
Bombard the night sky
In rapid succession.
Awe inspired visions of amusement
Then stillness is returned with only
The whispers of smoke hanging in the air

pg. 150
Glowing

Night lights casting glows of harmony
Soft shadows dance through the room
Fear driven away, warmth encapsulating
Life so soothing as to calm the restless soul
Visual illusions of peace draws to a close

Smiles

A smile that warms the heart
A grin that evokes happiness
A smirk that produces joy
A smile that suggests a coy demeanor
Any way it is put,
The exuberance of a
smile uplifts the wary soul
Beautiful Words

Altruistic beauty
Controls deep
Emotions fragilely
Grasping happiness,
Intoxicating joy
Known lovingly
Magnificently never
Overly proud,
Quiet, resistant,
Stifling, true
Unquenching value
Washes ‘xpectation
Yonder zeniths.

pg. 151
Aging

Clicks and pops echo
The aged body yearns
For the youth of long
Ago. The body now
Broken in ways unknown
Pain is the normative.
The bones ache, the mind
Becomes feeble, the flesh
Sore and bruised
Yearning for a sweet Release.
Heights Unknown

Elation of moment sinks through the air
Releasing euphoric emotions
Veiled with a smile.
The light so sweet, the joy so empowering
No other point could bring this Excitement.
Coy intent becomes the foundation of happiness
Tantalizing sensations tempt the inner man to
Points of serenity. Entangling thoughts are recalled.
Hope and kindness drive him forth to embody excellen ce

Awe, love, and contentment live within every person.
Just waiting for that one moment to inspire them to
Reach for that point of exaltation, veiled with a s mile.

pg. 152
Life Of A Text Message

A small conversation
Quick quips
One-word answers
Long waits
Abbreviations abound.
Confusion arises.
Words jumbled
Understanding mixed
Nothing to give meaning
Just words that
Nothing can
Be read into.
Just quick thoughts
But what do they mean
Just electronic
Exchange with no force
But small images
That can somehow
Explain words.
But still confusion
Remains.
No clues to explain.
Sometimes longer
Messages are needed
But, still ambiguity
Exists.
The sometimes short
Times between
Responses
Fall of to the point
Where nothing comes

At all.
The waiting just goes
Cold.
And still nothing
Is there.

pg. 153
Right And Wrong

Looking for the right thing in the wrong place
The unabated life is a cycle of wishes and wants
Driving the very essence of self, causing conformity
Sleep is replaced by an exuberance of the mind
Leading to a cycle that spirals out of control
Nothing but urges exists to fill what is missing
To seek the next thrill is what is chased
What is cherished is not the achievement, but
Rather what is gained.
The will of life is not what is gained
Rather it is what is done to affect the world as a whole.

Gratification

Waiting for a response
Looking for approval
Wishing for a gesture
All are ways to fill a void
Searching for the meaning
Life has to be more than
An endless search.
Depth is incumbent on
The value of self.

Banter

Spreading thought overtakes the quiet of the room.
Conversation quickly rings through the once quiet spac e.
A hectic rush, bustling masses conjoins their voices int o
A cacophony of execrated noise. Silence is no longer possible.
Rushing words echo across the room causing a loud reverb eration
That create a commotion. The still mind is bombarded with random
Jumbles that will not end anytime soon.

pg. 154
The Irrational Mind

Staggering thoughts wash over
Never ending cascades
Pounding the weary mind
Of points of loss
Unfolding in the unseen
Only captive to thought
Disjointed connection abounding
No shortness of fear
Balance a phantom
Logic lost.

Dream

Sweet hints cross the tongue
Aroma wafts the nose
Smiles contort the face
Perchance a taste of what is
But a dream and will end
Somewhere and sometime.
So, It Is Said

Attitude drives the man
Or so they say
Thought drives the mind
Or so they say
Faith drives the spirit
Or so they say
What drives life?

pg. 155
Art

A blank canvas stands on an easel
Nothing to adorn it
Paint blisters on a palette
Hues of untold richness
Battered brushes hold the splashes
Of the tattered past
An image hides within the mind
One unseen and unknown to any one
An impending collision of
Thought, motion, and beauty
Vivid streaks, thoughtful dabs,
Controlled knife cuts
In rapid succession a work
Of thought provoking imagery is created.
Matter

Small pieces of matter collide
At fervent speed.
Sending ripples through space.
Untold creation formed
On the micro level
No one will ever know
That such events happen
Every day.
Photons, electrons they all
Bash anything in their path
And no one cares.

pg. 156
Absolute Power

Overwhelming power seems
To fill life as no other wish
But truth be known it
Is just a false sense of security
Driving false perceptions of
The inner identity that so
Many use to describe themselves
Power is not strength but a drive
That pushes people to extremes
That can cause people to act against
Themselves and others
The destruction to follow proves
That overwhelming power is a
Weakness.
Questions

Why can’t things go the way planned?
There is enough in life that causes problems
Going with the flow seems like the simple
Answer, but the flow travels the landscape
Of life in strange ways causing so much
Distraction. The torrent causes untold
Bumps and bruises from bouncing against
The rocks and dragging against the shore.
So, what is the way to go?

pg. 157
What Is Your Choice?

The excitement of life
Strange and awe inspiring
The will to achieve
Causes thrill in ways that seems
To stifle the drive of desire
The contradiction is created
Where only one can remain
Reality becomes divided
Yet only one can remain
Which force is the victor?
That is choice is only made by
The one who is ready
Both pull and push, but the choice must be made
Spreading Joy

Contagious laughing overtakes
The once quiet mind, a joy that
Is often missed. Night has turned
Into day and is emblazing the hopes
Of a new way of life. One that there
Is no longer fear and loathing and
Hiding. It is no longer time to be
Ashamed. The true way of life has
Brought joy and that wonderful
Sense to know what laughing really
Unleashes.
More Than A Feeling

Boredom is more than a simple
Emotion. It is not a lack of something
To do. Rather such an emotion is a
responsive rejection of loneliness.
Boredom is an uneasy feeling that
Pushes the impulsive nature of life.
It should be embraced as in a warm
Hug. For it can drive fear or drive introspection

pg. 158
Camp Fire

Glowing embers flash alive
Igniting sparks of fire
That crackle and kindle
The essence of being
Popping and exploding
Sounds fill the night air
The emerging light softens
The cooling chill of night
Stark shadows fill the area
As the flames of life dance
The wind tantalizing the
Flame and wafting the sweet
Scent of wood throughout
The still forest
Hues of orange and red and
White spark the imagination
As the tender slumber of rest
ensues
Essence Of E

Excitement
Enthralls
Every
Emotion
Eternal
Essence
Expounds
Everything
Enthralling
Epilogues
Excite
Everlasting
Eclipses
Evading
Entailing
Evisceration

pg. 159
A Quick Message

Thoughts roll through the mind
How to say what has to be said
There exists a thread of hope
But there is no expectation on how to cope
The wishing for a chance of being friends
May never have amends
But a chance is that a possibility still exists
Hopes and wish still persists
The Mushy Mind

Words jostle and jumble all around
Numbers enumerate, multiply, and accumulate with no reason
Thoughts cascade and mix as a cup of cream being whipp ed
Confusions mixes with wishful thought
Pockets of free air cause forgetfulness
A daze, a cloud per se, exists that shrouds reason
Thought induced perception becomes skewed
The only thing that can cause resolve to end is . . . . . . well I just don’t remember Oh, that’s right . . .
. . . nope it is gone again
Well it must not be important.
The time spent awash of disunity
Where did my pen go . . .
. . . that’s right, right there in my hand.
Now, where was I?
Oh that’s it, rest is the answer.
The Sound That Moves Mountains

The voice of rushing waters
Thunder throughout the crisp
Air. The echoes of create a symphony
Of amazing cords. Low rumblings
Shake the inner most parts.
A harmony of mind, body, and sprit
Form creating a peace never known.
Clarity becomes the normative.
True acceptance in known for the
First time ever.
All found when speaking to a soul mate.

pg. 160
Waiting

The thoughts anticipation is evasive
A desire to get a prompt answer is overwhelming
The urge to let go is nonexistent
A looming fear exists deep within that no answer
Will ever come. It drives the mind to madness
The shared thought too hard to handle.
The lasting doubt overcomes the feeble mind.
Should a response come the joy will be overwhelming
Yet it may never come.
The longing too great. . .
Reason

There is a reason for everything
Each insignificant event has meaning
Each little creature serves a purpose
Every second of the day produces
A need for reason.
The Collapsing Mind

Logic ends at some point.
Emotion ends at another point.
The two stuck in a battle for control
The linear becomes broken and disjointed
As emotion makes quick blows.
Emotion is shoved into a neat box
To satisfy the logical mind.
Yet, both become dependent on the other,
As though a contrast of light and dark.
The strongest emotion of disillusionment
Becomes real, the mind unable to handle
Either side, becomes wary unable to make
Any judgment. The logical becomes questioned
And the gut reaction is found of no avail.
The existence in division is enough to destroy the
Foundation of humanity. A struggle that entails so
Much of life, but there is never an end that can
Suffice. Balance a possibility that would exist if t he
Two were not contending for the same mind, the same so ul, the same body.

pg. 161
Thoughts Just Fleeting

A thought lost,
Never to be regained,
Just lost.
No clue as to what it was.
Must not have been important.
Or was it?
The haze has absorbed it
And now it is lost to time itself.
Oh well.
Accumulation Of Junk

It just sits there
There is no reason for it
Piles of just random stuff
That is there to remind
One that it is just there
One item after another and
Well it just builds to crazy amounts
No meaning, no value
It just sits there.
Why, a reminder of what?
Nothing maybe, it’s just pointless junk
No worth nor value.

pg. 162
Gravity

Pulling downward
A force that seems
To hold everything
In place, at times
It is easily broken
Other times too
Much to overcome
It’s there even though
It remains unseen.
Holding things to the
Very ground with
Effortless control.
Yet all will succumb
To that tugging force

pg. 163
Snowy Down

Chilling and frosted crystals gripping tightly
Slowly with the freezing cold drops of water
Expanding into diamonds of beauty that the
Eye will never see. Shapes of various sizes
Each crystal unique and never to be seen again
A sea of frosted glass as growth expounds.
Each crystal the base of another becomes
The foundation of a quite fortress of frozen peace
A soft down blanket covers the frozen earth
Yet the iced chill lulls every creature to a
Time of rest, with a hope of warmth.
The Manicured Topiary

Shapes that hold meaning
Visual works of art
Hued into the master’s vision
Monuments to worthlessness
Random reasons but none exist
A shape from nothing returns to such
Twigs of various newness torn asunder
Encasement of vanity that serves for nothing
Foundational

Sight unseen promises made
Hopes of what is, Hopes that
Push the soul onward, that is
A wish of tomorrow. Existing
In an excitement of beautiful
Expression of an inner identity
And a reality that drives soul
Mind, body to the fullness of
True existence. Instilling the
Values that will becomes the
Foundation of purpose and
The renewed life

pg. 164
The Songs Of The Restaurant

The Service Bar Plea

Not much is asked
Just do it
Stab your fucking tickets The Servers Plea

I know that the dining room is full
But the ticket I just put in
Push it out now,
My tip depends on it! The Cooks Plea

Woe are we who make the food,
For we are the bitches of the restaurant
And it’s really not that hard.
Just ring the ticket right and we will make it right
Well some of the times,
But it is still your fault.
Oh, please read the ticket before you fuck
Up another order. The Dishwashers Plea

Come on
Stop throwing the silverware away
That is my Job,
Stop breaking the plates
That is also my Job
Is it really hard scrape your
Fucking dishes off.
The Owners Plea

Stop, Stop, Just Fucking Stop
Pre-bus the tables
Exalt us for we are the ones
That sign your check
Do your job
We can replace you
Stop, Stop, Just Stop Your Bitching
No, you cannot go home early, Stop Crying.

pg. 165
Names

Names provide the foundation
Of outer existence and what
Is not the outer expression of
The life that dwells deep within
Names seek to identify but they
Cannot give fullness to that identity
Names can control as far as they
Are allowed to in a world that is
Filled with indifference and waste
Power is derived from knowing
A name and it allows one to understand
What is wrong, but a name is more
Then a wishful existence filled with
The superficial nature of identity
Names can produce beautiful
Concepts that reside in all of existence.
Onward

Images take on meaning that is far beyond the intended.
Words take on a life of their own.
Elusive thoughts cause favored action.
Exalted emotions bring forth entangled obsession.
Expression entails hopeful desires.
Action provokes tiny splashes of pain.
No matter what is done a reaction takes place.
There is always a result.
Action drives existence in an onward march.

Rain That Surrounds

The cold impressing rain
Sometimes comes in quick and passing periods
Other times the rain lingers through great expanses
It brings forth a sense of exclusion
Never tender, always harsh
As it pounds against everything that stands in the way
The drenching water, enough to put out the raging f ires of life
That wind draws past an indwelling coolness
As the thunder rolls quaking the soul all feels hopele ss
The quick flashes only illuminate the dark rain that makes the chilling shivers
The wish is to leave, but that rain is a prison of solit ude
One that seems like there is no escape from
No freeing place to run to because the rain will not relent

pg. 166
The Truth Of Finality

Finality seems as though a crippling concept
Yet, such a compromise leads to completion
A finish of what was and a hope of what is
To come in ways that can be both creative and destructive
It is a choice that must be made through meek e ndurance
A passion can be found from within when
Finality comes to that breaking moment
Closure exists to create on ward movement, dri ving
And looking for new possibilities. Rebirth
Comes at any point of transition bringing
Forth metamorphosis where the old is washed
Away. Pain may ensue, but that is
Normal finality doesn’t seek to destroy,
But rather foster freshness and new outlo oks
As an artist creates to inspire new
Visions that confront conformality
The resulting new creation fostered b y
Finality imbues one with strength
And perseverance when the right
Choice is made. But in the
Choice of woe all becomes bleak
And meaningless no matter
The reason finality has come
Always choose wisely
One leads to enlightenment and rebirth
While the other leads to brutal destruction and dar kness

The choice may seem simple
Until you are the one that has to make it
The Will Of A Cat

She sits there with a look of concern
Waiting with that temperamental desire
The ears perked, her calm position shows
That she wants the touch of another
When that touch is felt a soft
Sound that entices even the inner savage
The rolling sound shows the contentment of life
Her eyes close welcoming that warm touch
Yet when she is ready all will end
Her control and her time the deciding factor
Her softness can change in an instant

pg. 167
One Month Of A Word A Day Calendar2

1 Croesus (A Rich Man)
2 Woolgathering ( That Day Dreamed)
3 Jocose ( Was Given to Joking)
4 Utilized ( That used)
5 Obtuse (Dull-Witted)
6 Uncupative (Orally Conveyed)
7 Discussions (Conversations)
9 Loquaciously ( In A Talkative Manner)
10 Apropos (With Regard)
11 Stultify (To Cause Others to Look Stupid)
12 Instigating (Causing)
13 Otiose (Futile)
14 Agon (Conflict)
15 Euphony ( That Sounded Pleasing to The Ear)
16 Endeavoring (Striving For)
17 Ineluctable (Unavoidable)
18 Vituperate (Sever Criticisms)
19 Anent (Concerning)
20 Rancorous (Vicious)
21 Anathemas (Curses)
22 Lugubrious ( To The Mournful)
23 Nebbish ( And Meek Persons)
24 Induced (Persuaded By)
25 Bloviated (Verbose Written)
26 Proclamations (Statements)
27 Nascent ( That Came Into Existence)
28 Descry ( But Are Found Out)
29 Erroneous ( To Be False)
29 Initiating (Producing)
30 Logomachy (Disagreements About Words)
31 Abortive (To No Avail)

2 Definitions are found in parenthesis with bold and Italicized words added to make fluid statements.

pg. 168
Dance
Sound fills the mind.
The mind starts to feel a rhythm
One of fluctuation evoking the body to
Express the movement felt deep within.
The very core expressing the beauty of life
And what is heard with vibrance, mood, and emotion flowing.
Through the essence a story unfolds into
An undying and finely choregraphed expression
Of sound and motion. The complex becomes
Freeing and simplistic. Grace displayed
As the moving body floats across
The floor effortlessly. The shear
Awe, inspires and uplifts the onlookers
Their eyes and minds fixed as the dance excites
The air. The exuberant light is produced in
Not only the onlooking crowd, but in the
Whole world, sparking so much power.
Tender beauty in motion has just graced the
World because dance filled a single mind.
Hope Of Feeling

Compassion driven from a sense of
Love that knows no bounds
A closeness that is more than the
Wavering thoughts of a cold world
The hope that someone can see the
True inner being not entangled with
The mere ugly complexity of the physical
A warming hug, a soft touch, the right words
The power that resides in comforting another
What there resides
The promise of hope, the awareness that
Someone cares. The total lack of the superficial
And the indwelling of what is the better hope.

pg. 169
The Sweet Life’s View

The way of life shimmers
Providing glimpses of
Hope
Reality
Sadness
Pain
Sorrow
Joy
Love
All that is seen provided
In the small gleaming waters
That flow quickly as life marches
Onward. Yet the short moments
Seen in that shimmering water
Is enough to make one grow and learn
Never lose sight of that majestic water
Raging at times and placed at other
Points. Yet, when sight is loss all
Of life becomes nonexistent and
Worthless. A pointless existence
Therein lies.
Keep sight of that river, without
It there is no hope of return.

pg. 170
The Social Impact
Life is not impacted By self alone.
Connections become
The fabric of interaction Felt as a whole
Yet impacting the one

pg. 171
A Letter

To the wayward traveler,
These words are not meant to dismay you,
They are meant to help you.
The path that you walk will twist and turn.
There will be times that you may see that you have been in that place before.
But, don’t let what you see delude you.
There are many points that choices must be made.
Each choice may be your path to happiness.
But realize that some lead to doom.
Others are there to distract you.
And still others are there to make you grow.
Some will look too bleak to walk.
Sometimes these are the best to take.
Others will look gleeful and alluring.
But oh, wise and wary traveler be careful which you choose.
Sometimes you might see another on your path,
Remember, to take notice of each step you take .
Unfortunately, dear brother, there is no going back.
The road becomes crushed and destroyed once you tak e another step.
Disappearing from the world of life to the world of memories.
The path will always remain fresh,
But the sights may seem to be the same.
The days may be long, and the nights even l onger.
Those times that you wish to retreat,
Remember to take one more step.
The past will fade away, as does the night fade into day.
Pain will come, but it will be worth it .
Sadness will come, but don’t let it stop you.
Joy will come, let it motivate you.
Love will come, let it wash over you and refresh your wary soul.
Take this as simple advice.
The walk will be worth it when y ou reach your rest.
This is true, you may walk alon e,
But your path is yours to wa lk.
No other can do it for you,
Don’t lose sight of what your goal is.
To walk the path.
At times your soul will sing;
Still your soul may scream.
Then you may see what seems to be,
However, looks can be deceiving.
This journey is well worth it.
To be your own victor.
There is no better ending that one can wish for.
The wayward traveler,
You are unique, and

pg. 172
You will endure.
No matter where the path may lead,
As it twists and turns.
Sincerely,
Your fellow wayward traveler.
The Base of Morality

The vulgar of life entices the primal urge
The need to express humor or revolting
Tickling spite eviscerates the moral mind
Paint of explosive emotion detonates
Rage or joy caused by quick flashes
That seem irrational or welcome indignation
Either way the reaction is enclosed in the
Mind of past revelation
Morality as defined by what?
The things of the past?
The setting of the whole?
The divine?
The self?
Can it ever be truly answered?
Untrue

A world of lies and deceit
Enigmatic decisions made for stupid reasons
The joke is on the one that falls for it
A slight pain ensues causing pause
The lies so enthralling that the liar starts
To hold it as the truth. Yet the truth cuts
Both ways. The false reality is the very
Essence of denial of the true. A world of
Indecision, false perception, of wickedness
All to push one to points uninhibited by
The true reality in which they live.

pg. 173
The Modern Day

Lavish invention becomes the way of the modern world
The thought to make something adverse to want verses need now gone
Necessity has been called the mother of invention
That is not the full case for the modern inventor
The existence is more often than not on the proclaime d wants
That is why there is such a need for narcistic devices
All created for want
The desires of today
Incumbent on how
Personal impact is
Seen. An existence
Based on nothingness
Elevation of personal
Need is a foolish
Thought. The need
Perceived self is relegated
To how another viewed them.
In essence the issue of self
Becomes an external concept
A problem of internal strife
The world driven by want to illicit self
Is at the very least a matter of dysfunction

The City

Strobing lights adorn the walls of the city
Bright flashes of countless tones
Drawing attention from every direction
The vibrant and lively city gives an alluring call
The hustle and bustle act as the very essence
Of the city.
Conversations and loud noises ricochet against
The cold forbidding walls. Tremendous spires
Reach skyward enticing the outsiders to come in.
Movement never stops.
No quiet is found, just commotion of sounds and light s
That only exits to draw one away from their path.
Although the call is made, it can be avoided.
The city’s dance is one of hectic desire as opposed
To one of lively happiness.

pg. 174
One

The rain flies through the air,
To hit the ground.
Each drop alone makes little to no difference,
To each thing it touches.
Yet a drop does not fall alone.
The air so cooled as the rain falls.
The calm of the soul is so encased,
That chill revives that so tortured soul.
A courtship per se.
Yet each drop of rain has its destination, as does that chill.
Each resolute in its own way, but one cannot be wit hout the other.
Rain washes away, makes anew, and even causes great de struction.
It is not the one drop, but the collection of the many.
Not one drop alone can do what it must.
That cooling rain,
So bitter of a thought,
Will bring forth so much.
No matter where, the rain will fall.
The cool will touch the soul.
Life will be changed no matter the intent of that one drop.

Needs

Spending a life fulfilling others’ needs
Is rewarding in some confounding way.
Yet the person who puts themselves
Last, lives a troubled life to say the least.
They never asked the major question of
Life, in a world that is full of self-indulgence.
To ask what is in it for them may cause
Confusion, but it is one that must be asked.
To give and put yourself last is to deny that
You are important, just as much as the other.
How can your life not be as important as another’s
Life is a balance of night and day, simplistic and
Complicated, wants and needs, as well as
Caring for yourself and others.

pg. 175
Digital Confusion

The ability to imagine is an amazing gift.
To think
To perceive
To know
To learn
A machine unable to be human
Computes
Solves
Predicts
Gives precise answers
Humanity that produces beauty
Produces a machine capable of so much
Yet is that machine capable of existence?
A world of ons and offs
The existent tries to make something that is like them

But at what cost?
The very essence of humanity?
The ultimate thing that humans will give so much p ower to?
The loss of real connection to one another? The reliance on a machine as opposed to self?
Yes, complication is what humanity makes
But complication leaves too much to question
A step into places unknown
A world of answers never asked
Solutions may never be unique again
What power are humans willing to lose?
How much is humanity willing to lose of themselves?
Questions that are of grave concern abound.

pg. 176
Windows

The window provides protection from the cruel world.
Almost existing as a painting that is ever changing.
The security provided is but an illusion.
Brittle is the glass, weakly constructed.
Yet the view indescribable. A movie unfolds day afte r day.
Sometimes stories of joy and humor
Other times sorrow and fear.
The window provides a sense of solitude.
The separation of inner sanctum and the world
Is veiled by a thin layer of crystalized sand.
The appearance is a false concept. Through the windo w
The vision of reality is skewed ever so slightly.
Looking in or out the sanctum is opened for all.
Visions can be covered yet the light will still shine through.
A window is a lovely accent.
It instates an ethereal feel, that lights the inner self.
Sometimes reflecting the inner warmth confined wit hin.
More often keeping delicate senses from escaping the inner sanctum.

Windows are the only way to see in or out, and give s the soul a chance to explore the world,
The darkness and light that exist in every recess of creation.

Inadequacy

Living in a world of inadequacy,
People unable to function
The flow interrupted and brokenness
Creeps in.
Emotion erupts and no longer is anyone
Able to cope. Dysfunction becomes the
Normative. Withstanding the ever changing
Tide becomes worrisome.
Life becomes an overall wash of mediocracy
In which no one lives up to expectation.
Giving rise to a world that has regressed past
The norms and standards of so long ago.
Living in a world of inadequacy,
Produced a culture of indifference.
One of stark inabilities to succeed
At the simplest task of existing.

pg. 177
Who Will Rage

A world of indifference,
Passiveness has become the status quo.
No matter the will of the one,
The totality wins out.
Pensive excitement is lost,
And the world is thrust into mediocrity.
Unwillingness for one to stand.
Social norms accepted and are never broken.
The state so sad to see.
Where are the thinkers?
Where are the revolutionaries?
The world has lost its will to fight and live.
The fight is gone, and unknown if it will return.
Once the individual fought to remain independent.
Now, the individual is incorporated into the machine of the whole.
A machine that seeks to consume and conform the indiv idual into some preconceived box.
Is this better than the ways of old?
The forgotten urge to be independent, to live life in the way that one sees fit.
All lost due to the loss of self.
Now replaced by a sense of conformity and need to fi t into this indifferent world.

Two Faced

People are strange
Saying “I want love”
Action nothing to prove.
The truth is.
People want pleasure
A thought undeniable
The excitement and thrill
The outlook of love.
An emotion that many don’t know.
A willingness to forgive
A level of depth
A knowledge of intimate understanding
A wanting to hold each other in times of need
A commitment of untold strength.
A passion that drives
A willingness of submission.
A total level of security.
Pleasure is just desire devoid of depth.
To want love is
A total drive to change from carnal desire.

pg. 178
Resistance

The days of resistance has come,
No longer can the social norms remain.
We have been forced into a quagmire.
Where we fall prey to what has been.
The need to accept has become the driving force of life.
Although, we see it we accept these norms.
Doomed to repeat, an endless cycle where nothing becomes new.
Generation after generation a wall is formed.
Each to add another brick.
The resistance is needed, or we will be lost.
The days of acceptance must go.
There must be someone to scale the wall.
There must be a small group that can dismantle th is wall.
Don’t we deserve to throw caution to the wind and fight the norm.
The norm is what confines and defines us.
Why can’t we define who we are for ourselves?
Why must it be the norms that define so much?
Norms are meant to change as society changes,
But it has become our prison.
A prison that no one is willing to escape from.
A prison that we are doomed to forever live in
Until that day when the revolutionary is born and de cides to stand and fight.

pg. 179
Four Great Chords3

The assault of life’s problems Crushing the weak person, Uplifting the strong person.
Life continues to move on
With no regard, Favoring them.
Yet survival is key With meek endurance, And with fervent haste.
The ensuing strife Batters the soul and mind, Becoming the enduring support.
Bringing chaos and destroying,
Which creates new possibilities.
To the world The inner self And renewing everything.

3 Each column can be read as a separate poem or as a whole poem

pg. 180
Patient Is A Virtue

A virtue unknown by many.
To wait, a confusing thought to many.
Simplicity is the key,
But so hard to wait.
A longing for anything,
Even if that response is one that cuts.
To hold on something,
Is to learn and grow.
Yet waiting is what can destroy one
That is feeble.
Oh, what fear there is,
When one has to hold.
The fear that feeds the internal hate
Of self.
In such waiting is to find self.
It is the way of finding
Life is not on demand.
Things take time,
Birth is not right after conception.
Love is not at first sight.
So why is it so hard to wait?
The beauty of waiting is
It is part of the chase.
It is what one needs from time to time.
But the challenge is more than some
Can handle.
Closeness can deprive when not tempered
By a moment of pause.
The loss of such a virtue
Will lead to places so dark.
That demands and contorts the feeble pe rson.
Yet the one that waits
Will be rewarded.

pg. 181
The Force Behind Pain

Why do people hate each other?
Kind to the face
Spiteful when you turn your back.
They tell you words that uplift.
Then in the same breath they lie.
Why must it be so?
Hurt is painful.
No face is saved when the truth be told.
Honesty, what does it cost?
Yes the truth may cut,
However a lie tears open gashing wounds.
Hate is the cause,
There is no denying that.
Love brings truth, and hate brings forth wickedness.

The State Of Knowledge
4

To know or be known
Two diametrically opposed statements

Knowing is the state of obtaining, Being known is a state of existence.
The awareness of the world and self. That can lead to selfishness.
The way that leads to enlightenment, Which will force other’s awareness.
Sparking a love of existence, That emboldens the reality of life.
That brings forth a new-found compassion, For everyone who is around.
In a world controlled by indifference and misg ivings, But there is a hope to overcome such.

Although, both stand at odds
Both sides are needed in this crazy world. A contrast is formed in order
To show that a choice is possible And
Without one nothing makes sense.

4 There are four poems here. They three divided by t he location on the page. The overall poem can be rea d starting
with the centered text then from left to right, or t he starting center text then the left side followed by the right
text and then the remaining center text.

pg. 182
The Empowered Woman

The embodiment of true beauty,
The very essence of life encased in a form of splendor.
Her mind full of doubt, each fear becomes her maste r.
No doubt too small that she holds it like a tight embr ace.

Yet, she does not see what the world sees;
Her Soul an image of divine creation,
Her Mind the embodiment of strength,
Her Body the very essence of true humanity.
Broken as everyone else,
But she is more than she can ever see in herself.

Each unseen scar a reminder that she has survived.
A woman of essential grace abiding deep within.
Oh, what sorrows she knows, but what strength she has
All because she is the victor;
Over her sorrows,
Her pain,
Her Fears,
Her past.
She stands as the world collapses.
Oh, what inspiration whelms deep within.
Her wishes and dream within her grasp.
Oh, what poise.
Oh, what grace.
Oh, what beauty.
She is the one who chooses . . .
. . . When and how she will rise.
And rise she will,
All because she will see what the world sees.
Vibrance is her power.
Power so deep that
It must be searched for.
Learning to free herself
Of that painful doubt.
But she will and that day,
A day that she will
Rise to the exalted position,
Will be the day that
She will exist as the
Empowered beauty that she has always been.
Oh, what a day of freedom, shall she know on that exq uisitely appointed day!

pg. 183
The Rational Life

Living in a world that seems so strange.
People rush back and forth as though machines
Driven by nothing more than feelings
The world seems so out of touch with the depths
A shallow here and now approach drags on
The fullness of existence not explored.
A rational thought carries more weight than
The irrational hustle and bustle of life
No one stops to see the beauty that is right
In front of their very eyes.
The mind and thought seem undervalued
No one questions any more, no one seeks understanding
No matter what is said the shallow life exists
Its constraints unfathomable in a way, a type of madness
That causes confusion and disunity.
Only if rational understanding existed than strife ma y not ensue
However, life is an expression per say.
One that is not superficial, but rather full of amazi ng depth.

Lines of cause and effect exist, it cannot be denied
But where are those that look and dig?
That has been relegated to the educated elite.
Brilliance beyond belief. Yet, these seekers of the rational
Are themselves baffled by the existence of the shallow .
The only hope that can exist is to stop and see the t rue beauty of life.

Wrong With Society

Uniqueness valued too little
Uniformity embraced too much
Existence placated too forcefully
Essence forgotten too long ago
Self unbridled and embraced too much
Values wasted too easily

pg. 184
Perspective5

Visual illusions induce thoughts that are fleeting Timid recoiling finds the foundation of reality
The illusions drape over the illusive sense of serenity
Clouds float through the mind as though a fog of war
The illusions seek to contort truth and drive emotion
Simple thoughts become complex and lingering
Yet, the illusions persist invading the delicate bal ance
Enigmatic wishes and dreams flash as though lightning amidst the lingering clouds
Illusions come from every strange direction that are unexpected.
Distractions welcomed yet they do not come, and the fog starts to burn off with hope
Illusions become haunting memories and wash old, yet t heir taunting remains
The irrational holds true to its design, pushing th e wary mind onward
The illusions never end because that is what the world is made of.
Temperance is the mind’s countermeasure, but clouds are the only thing that illusion holds.

Vacuous

Vapid conversation that produce
Images of waste and superfluous vanity
Vacant thought pursues endless endeavors
Inner desire of self becomes a pointless wish
Self-defeating illusions give way to greed
Pain cloistered for none to see.
A need to instill what the self desires the world to see.
A realization that what was will hide
A need to never face the past.
The now a creation of falsehoods, of desire
A draw of control that now is.
A need to enforce what is seen by the world.
But it all stands as a simple facade of what
Has never been true. A world that was made
For protection is now a prison of hellish delight.

5 This poem can be read as a whole or as two indepen dent pieces

pg. 185
The Will Of Desire

Thought of desire entangle the mind to points of madness
An urge that pushes. Doubts flow through the mind vi vid
And truthfully depraved. A wanting that seems as thou gh
There is no resolution. Desires that seem as though they
Are never met in this lustful world. Overwhelming lo nging
Crowds the mind with vacant images of what might and
Should be. Providing false hopes of what will never happen.
Yet, a crippling fear exists to make the mind return to
The need to fill the desire of what drove to this po int.
There seems to be nothing that can curb such needs.
Existence has to have fullness that is not controlled by
Points of high feelings that leads to obsession. Emotio ns
Imbues certain reactions that are needed to sustain the
Human will to drive onward and reach the final dest ination.
However, intellect is what brings forth control of wh at
Seems as the hopeless battle of wants and needs where
Desire is the focal point of the disposable emotional will
Of the mind.
Entrance Into A New World

The wonder filled day when life enters
Into a world that causes astonishment untold
The embarking on a search that is never
Ending produces some of the greatest
Abilities and wants that fulfill the
Embodiment of existence as growth ensues
The exact moment of entrance is a point
Of joyful exuberance that causes all to
Awake to new possibilities of what life
Can imbue upon the willing newborn
Growth marked by that date when all
Seemed new and exciting
Amazement griped all that looked on that
Precious day that you entered into the world
The world is forever changed because of that
Life that will make eventually impact another’s life
The totality of celebration is one of hope
A hope that exists in all that carry the light
Of true existence all because you came forth
Into a world that has dark places
But the light of life can illuminate those places
And provide a shining hope for others.

pg. 186
The Point Of Questing

Entailing thought produces iconic visions
The need to understand everything is
An underlying drive of human existence
To give pause is to give thought an ability
To explain what was once accepted as
Common place and taken for granted
False concepts become dispelled in
Finite convulsions that expand the mind
A rational explanation exists for everything
The joy that ensues when answers are found
Enticing a world to change its view on what was
But now is
Signals Of Looming

The wakening hours push onward
Mind becomes feeble and destructive
Existence rages as one takes leave
The wasteland of life provides trials
Fleeting images compound the simple
Drift directs the ragged and wary soul
Tepid emotions become existent reality
Veiled hopes wash to nothingness
Excitement exists as void possibilities
Expectation loses its will of the new
Pain becomes the foundation of life
Woes taunt the inner self to points of madness
The vivid beauty no longer is seen
Light is somehow the elusive darkness
Mercy no longer provides depth of compassion
The wakening hours push onward

pg. 187
Beaches

The illustrious allure that tantalizes the ears
Rhythmic sounds of water throbbing against the desolate
Beach, the cries of longing birds as they search
For what small amount of food that they can savor
Aids in the beauty that lays where water and
Earth meet. The wind softly howling through the
Small tufts of grass as the salted air
Tingles the taste buds. Sweet smells of freshness
Dance through the air. Small life scurries
Through the tightly packed sand. Small
Alien crustaceans feverishly rush from
The impending doom that lurks in the sky
The water teams with abundant
Life in unique shapes and sizes critters
Jet through the blue tinted waters
Foam creates the appearance
Of a gem encrusted connection between
Land and sea. Small vestibules
Become enchanting landscapes
Small pools provide life with
Brief hiding spots. Loose sandy areas
Where land dances with air
Stimulate the eye as
The feeling of a slightly abrasive sting
But somehow comforting
The crashing waves eb and flow
As though the very pulse of the
Mighty sea
The untold land will
Soon be trodden as humanity,
In its great wisdom, will
Lay waste to it in the
Names of relaxation
And joy

pg. 188
Today’s World

The strange becomes the normative.
Distances becomes closeness.
The world at times seems as though a wash of confusion.
A space of time exists in contra to the progress of lif e.
The things wished for becomes fleeting hopes of no rea son.
The dogged pace of life works to dispel any deceive v ictory per se.
Indwelling drive places an emphasis on things of nonim portance.
Those things that should matter is often neglected.
Society places value on things that are nothing more than items of waste.
Things that can be disposed of in the refuse of waste t hat is called garbage
How then can value be placed of items that become t he garbage of tomorrow?
What can be valued if nothing is worth holding on to ?

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Sometimes the superficial takes hold
We search for the outer looks for sexual desire
Some say it is only the inside that matters
That is true to some degree, but the looks are the first thing that we see.

The inner depths matter more than the outer façade
This is true. The problem that arises
If one is deemed unattractive and nothing is engag ed
Then how will the inner ever be seen?

Sadly, value can be placed on the wrong thing.
Looks are fleeting, that is beyond truth.
Depth grows and is shaped by life and even
those that find others as ugly or unattractive have some depth

What hopes exists for humanity to come to a point of harmony
And peacefulness when the superficial exists?
Some carry depths of pain, sorrow, hate, vanity, gre at love,
Profound compassion, amazing intelligence, and grand abilities.
But most of this is never seen on the outside. Instead it brews deep within.

What a hope for a day when people can . . .
Throw away the societal definitions
And even our own feeble thoughts on looks

pg. 189
A Reflection

I thought that it was tenderness
That harsh daring look of fear
Yet, it was nothing but hate
A searing penetrating look
Causing the knowledge of what is not
The reality standing before me
Naked and unabashed
Just there nothing to hide what was seen
The brooding dread as the tears whelm
Danger that is soon to come
Impressing thoughts of the unseen darkness
The whelming storm soon to arrive
The willingness to look away
Yet the glaze is locked
The outer draping of what caused pain
The very essence of the internal shown
On the fearing outer body
The shine of a lackluster image
No way to reject what is there
Despite my will it is just standing as I do.

pg. 190
Balance Of Existence

We are not like you
We see that you despise us
We have hope that that may not always be,
But for now it is the truth.
Can you see the pain that you inflict?
We are who we are.
There is no lie in being yourself
There is no great mystery
If you can be yourself
Why can’t we?
We just want to sheer in peace
Not violent vulgar vitriol
Is there not a way for the pain end?
Is fear that devouring?
We come with the hope of peace
What will you come with?
Will Of Action

Dissonant views of thought and
Action exist is the divided mind.
One tells how to react but
The other rejects causing rash movement

Faith acts as a hope of what is to be
Yet the bearing future will not always agree
Continued divergence breaks th e will to strive onward
The action rushes thought and supports movement forward

A consensus ensues to a point of indifferent
Acceptance that is never sufficient.
A false reality encases the ne wfound self
The distractions become impedim ents to internal health

Despite the impending loss of true reality
Happiness and the expectation of understanding become s a duality
Lasting in effects act as rippl es in a pond
Each thought and emotion fore ver changed

pg. 191
The Mighty Arbitrator

Sit in my royal court
Bring forth my deluge of bounty
For as I sit so shall you set your gaze upon me
Come before me so that I shall make the final decree

Stand in my glory
Now you have heard my saying
Bring forth the next
To hear my judgement
Why do you cower before me?
The wit that I provide is far above reproach
The concern I show above that anyone else can show
Inner turmoil abounds when I hear your case
My sarcasm only provides quick correction

Yet you do not see what I see
You do not know what I know
I have a heart
I choose not to let you see it
My walls are there
They stand sturdy
Yet, I don’t let you see the inner me
That is the only way to protect what I have in me
So yes exalt me
For I am your king
Yet I am real
That you may see me not
I choose who will see that
Tender side and who stands in my presence

pg. 192
Spiritual Awakening

To become aware is to find self
To learn depth is a way of finding freedom To experience life is fleeting All of which could not exist
Without the deepest connection of Mind, Body, and Spirt.

pg. 193
Exploration

The world is already known
Very few places remain unseen
The depths no longer hide her deep dark secrets
The highest points of achievements no longer give new allure
The great woods may provide beauty, now longer is it a new sight

What then is the point of seeking?

The world may be known to most
There still is a drive to find the new
There is a need to search for the uniqueness of beauty

The great mountains stand as sentinels of the past uphea val
Their rocky formation not only produces beauty and i nspiration
But the existence of the long-fought ability of crea tion
Earthen blankets partially cover the mighty rocks
Trees dot the landscape creating a refuge for livin g creatures
The spires of heights are crusted with icy white wate r

The mighty rivers lay across the land providing life and refreshment
The very essence and force that the waters provide c ut through the
Tough rock, the soft soil, and the inhospitable lands .
They rush and turn causing white crested seas of turb ulence
Great formations of falling rivers provide beauty tha t evoke awe
The rivers speak a language that is as old as time, spea king to every soul

The Alluring forests and their calming peace provide moments of bliss
Abundant life thrives throughout from the lowly moss to the noble trees
Great and small seek to exist in the balance of natur e and her true beauty
There are places that are gnarled hiding gems of unkn own value
Smells and sounds abound throughout the humble abode o f life
The forests foster foundational formation of the livin g earth and existence itself

The vast and impressive depths of the oceans and seas c reate images
of what may loom in the dark recesses of the earth. In the upper layers
life teams in great and explosive numbers. Yet the d ark depths hold not
only mystery and fear, but the strangest of creations n ovelty. The waters
of all the earth sing a song that still allures the sen ses. Vivid force is skewed
in untold ways. Given the power to both create and destroy, the waters hold the balance of earth.

So, the search is not about finding the undiscovered
But rather seeking the unfound beauty that is all aro und
Where creation abounds in vivid truth and excitement

The exploration of anything is to partake in a journ ey of life
Seeing the hidden beauty

pg. 194
Seeing the balance that life creates
Seeing life for what it is
Seeing the very forces that ebb and flow
Seeing both life and death
Seeing the novel ability for existence to strive
Seeing that there is more to living than to recoil from existence
Seeing vibrance never seen or felt before
The need to explore is the need to know where we resi de
And how we see the chaos that has true reason and und erstanding
Exploration of the world is the seeking of the inner self
Providing a balance that negates control but
Produces a value of everything and humility
Common Ground

The physical life is just a biomechanical response to stimuli.
So, is that it? The answer is quite plain.
Yes and No.
To those that see nothing more than the physical,
The answer is yes.
Although these people are not hopeless as some would think.
In such there is no higher location, nowhere after the here and now.
It is sad to see nothing.
To those that see the divine,
The answer must be no.
A positive thinker in the least.
There is a place that these people see as home af ter the physical.
However, the problem is the do’s and don’ts.
A long list of what should be and what is wrong.
Often times forgetting that there is a here and now.
It’s sad to forget about today,
And even more so about tomorrow.
The debate may wage on until the bitter end, but bo th sides have something to be sad about.
Maybe a place to start a rational conversation.

pg. 195
The Unseen

Wind, an unseen force, blowing through the mighty Oak
A dance ensues,
With an unseen suitor.
As the limbs ebb and flow
Slowly the trunk bears the force.
Yet the Oak is mighty and majestic,
The force enough to knock over the weakest.
The roots are its strength.
Firmly planted, yet gnarled
They twist and contort each with its own reason.
The only reflection of the support given by such complexity is its limbs.
Oh, they dance, with beauty, with grace.
Yet the roots remain still
A past never to be revealed
But there for a reason.

The Evoking Life

Faith unfeigned, so sweet the thought.
To trust, to walk, to sing, to feel.
It is the foundation of all of humanity.

We have faith, without knowing it.
To faith is to trust.
To trust is to believe.
To believe is to act.
We take faith for granted,
it is innate in all humanity.
Whatever we choose,
We do so in faith.
It is true that we just do.
That act is who we are.
Not a mass sum of the past,
But rather the total of what we hold true.
Life is faith unfeigned.

pg. 196
One Without The Other

Fire and water are always at battle
The force of both destroy and transform
Water is the essence of life
Fire is the essence of death
Both fight for a victory
Despite the difference they function the same
Both transform
Both remove the unwanted
Both provide a way of newfound creation
Both have great force and fury
Both have an alluring call
Both dance in their own ways
Both release the fundamental fury of nature
Both are primal forces
A division of power and grace exist
Yet both define the existence of all
Neither dependent on the other
But existence dependent on both
Flames

Oh, what beauty doth the light dance with in the night.
Shadows abate, and the warmth of life fills the room.
Vibrant images burn into the darkness of night.
The romantic dance of a flame cresses the outer corne rs.
There is nowhere for darkness to dwell.
The guidance of light allows each step to be taken.
That light holds tight to the burning wax, the very flue.
Heat abounds through that little flame as it dances.
Twisting and contorting as the air softly caresses that
Vibrant ember of life enchanting the path of existen ce.
Each person carries that flame the light expounding t o
The very outer parts of the world. Each light stands as
One small flicker, but the totality of humanities’ f lame
Lights all of the mighty universe. With each adding its
Beauty to the great light of eternal existence.

pg. 197
The Triune Human

The totality of human existence
Summed up by three words Mind,
Body,
Soul.
The mind, able to conceive and
Imagine. Coherent and Cohesive
Function provides the foundation
Of human thought and creation.
Wistful illusions cause the line
Between rational and irrational
To blur from time to time.
Emotion whelms deep inside the
Fragile mind, that is capable of
Of being so much more. The very
Reason for human identity.
The body, the physical manifestation
Of the totality of human will and
Strength. Incumbent on both mind and
Soul, but able to reveal the deep and
Vibrance of human existence. Perfectly
Formed to encase the inner being. A
Protective shell that takes many forms,
But entices the mind to points of gleeful
Bliss. Becoming the gage of all five senses.
This shell is broken by the worldly hurt
And physical limitations.
The Soul, the very essence of all existence.
The inner dwelling of the immortal. An intense
Connection to the divine nature of humanity.
Surviving as the expression of what is human Potential. Providing the guidance that is needed
In the human experience. At times soft spoken
But the embodiment of everything that is divine.
The loving kindness becomes the guide for the mind.
Driving the body to react. When exuberance exists in
The mind, the soul tempers with that small voice.
As both mind and body travail this physical world.
These three conform into one
Concept of totality that produces
A vibrant form of existence. Allowing
For the beauty that is known as the
Human experience. A fundamental
Concept that invigorates life.

pg. 198
The Elements Of Life

The wind cooling,
The earth calming
The water alluring
The fire illuminating
The unseen force that tantalizes the senses
Producing the very landscape that is seen.
Causing pause of devastation,
Fostering an ebb of existence.
The very cradle of life, the brunt of
Others’ destruction that gives so much
Yet nothing to fight with as the other
Forces that inflict devastation.
The call of songs, untold stories of
What was and now is a promise of
Excitement enthralling the mind
Providing the flow of life
Light of no other sort that gives
Birth to what can be conceived and
Total destruction to what stands in
Its way that dives onward despite life
Being

Living life as an existent being
Brings freedom that pushes forth
Great tidings of amazing wealth
Of knowledge, mercy, and divine grace
That uplifts all that imbibe the opportunity of growth
Diving into depths of untold freedom
In paths of greatness and truth
Truth encompasses the totality of life
Existing in all forms of reality
Hope springs forth from the depths
Of mind enthralling body
Peace abundant in a universe
Harmony that brings balance
Testing the resolve of the soul
Pushing for the light of creation
In ways that embody spiritual illumination
Causing one to become part of the whole
Of creation and life itself.

pg. 199
A Soft Walk In The Woods

A wooded den sits on the horizon.
With a step everything becomes closer
The eyes take on a fuller understanding of
The depth of what stands before the explorer
As the woods draw closer the air becomes full
Of excitement. An aroma of freshness catches
The imagination. The sound of each step becomes
Crisp. The cool warmth of the woods reaches to the so ul
And increases the allure. Its hold on the explorer
Is indescribable, but it must be heeded. As the step
That crosses the line of wooded bliss and the
Disenchanted world is made the body become
At peace. Without haste the eyes awaken to a new
World. One of exuberance and truth that is undeniab le.

The sounds reverberate with fresh chords. Every motion
Recorded in time. The woods are forever changed with
Each new step. A vibrance of aroma wafts through the
gentile landscape. The trees adorned with attractive coarse
Textures that stimulate the mind. Dressed with vibrant leaves
Of various shades of green. The underbrush is tightly kn it.
The natural tangle supplies various splashes of color. L ight
Filters through the canopy as satin glass mosaics. Twigs a nd
The leaves litter the ground as though a blanket. Inv iting the
Explorer to come deeper into the relaxing depths.
The path seems to open up. Various ways cause the mind
To expressions of pure joy and excitement. The choice s a
New adventure. The landscape seems endless where sight s
Seem to change, in ways that captivate the mind. Eve n though
The life may be the same each texture is unique, eac h plant
A different shade of rich hues, each small and dainty flower
Painted in a new pattern. The paths twist and turn, b efore the
Allured explorer knows it he has become lost in a wild erness of
Imagination that nature has fostered into the work of visual art.
Sometimes the path becomes clouded and broken, but the explorer
Pushes onward to find the next gem of creation, more valuable than
All the worldly could ever bring. The moment of int ernal peace starts
To draw the explore to a rest of the ages. The woods began to
Sing a song that is both beautiful and uplifting. As t he very essence
Of nature begins to indwell the explorer.
The sound of water starts to sing a song that is never ri valed by the
Greatest composer. As the explorer seeks the waters of l ife a small thin
Clearing starts to break. Rugged stones stand as gardens o f
The precious waters. Stones crusted with an armor of mo ss

pg. 200
And liken. Shades of majestic whites, grays, greens, and blues.
They stand there only allowing only the true of hea rt, strength,
And mind to pass their piercing gaze. Each stone offe rs its own
Challenge. Yet the intent explorer passes each test to reach that
Glorious author of that song. The waters ebb and flow with points
Rugged discourse and placid clarity.
The explorer is enticed to follow the water to its fi nal resting place.
As he transverses the rugged testing landscape. The wa ters reveal truths
Never told before, as the secrets of nature become the truth of existence.
Suddenly the landscape falls off as if the edge of the earth. Yet nature has
Provided its own test in a tight and treacherous path with steep declining
Earth. Yet the promised sight is so enticing and inval uable that the inner
Will pushes the explorer on. When he reaches his destin ation the beauty
And amazing roar of the water is a sight that is burn ed into the psyche.
The white-water glistens as the light dances across th e tumultuous current.
The journey must continue deeper into that abiding w ood. Each step leaving
Its mark. Each sight new and energizing, with secre ts whispered into the ear
Of the explorer.
The woods start to clear into a soft and rolling meado w. The wind softly
Guiding to a new foregone landscape. Filled with nos talgic grasses. Ethereal
Plumes crest the royal grasses. Rustling as the wind ca uses them to sway too
And fro. Glimpses of fauna scamper through the land . The explorer seeks more.
He wants the fullness of nature to indwell within. Hi s journey pushes him back
Into the alluring wood. Before long, his sight has ch anged as once again the
The wood breaks. This time into a world of harshness. Coldness and longing
Embraces him. He has returned to the world of distrac tion, a world that he
Was seeking to leave.
Yet his journey holds a peace that will never be forg otten nor repeated.
Each time that allure washes over him a new path is f ound.
Each time new sights and stories abound.
His very self becomes at one with the grandeur of th e venerable wood.

That allure is only offered to those that are worthy of the wooded beauty.
Needing rejuvenation
Seeking the essence of nature
True of heart, strength, and mind
That are willing to listen to the sound of rest.

pg. 201
The Four Elements
Water
Songs of the water cascade through me
They crash against my rocky heart
Envisioned life moves with the rhythm of the water
The ebb and flow of the tides but a short reminder
Of the grand song of essence
Waters that refresh; wash me
Waters that indwell me; make me anew
Waters that surround me; lift me
Allow me to hear that tantalizing song of empowered beauty
Fire
Fire of fierceness shine in the immortal soul
Fire that brings forth light
Illuminate my path
Fires of heat temper me
Fires of strength burn with in
Fires of destruction lift me from the ashes
Fires of passion push me
Kindle new life in me Earth
Earth, giver of life nourish my mind, body, and soul
Tender thoughts dance through that beauty
All life relies on what is brought forth out of the fertile soil
Richness and diversity depend on you
Vibrance entices the mind, freshness invigorates the soul
Lushness fills the heart to points of joy
The expression of existence is incumbent on
What is brought forth
Yet, the mighty earth stands strong in the face of destruction
Fill me with the tranquil peace that stands as the impending victory
Air
Unseen air fills life with mystery
Cress and allure everything to dance
In your mighty and exuberant force
Entice the totality of being with the desire of existence
Bring forth the mighty rain
Contort the majestic earth
Control the raging fires of life
Shape me as you shape all that is seen in an unsee n way

pg. 202
A Universal Plea

Oh, mighty universe
I beseech the divine will of life
The master architect of all of creation
Light from Light
Divine essence fill my mind
Living earth hold me
Sinning waters wash me
Burning sun awaken me
Moving air fill me
The divine direct me
In the totality of the universe
Lift my mortal and feeble body
To heights unknown
Sing me to rest
Indwell my being
Free me from these worldly confines
I beseech the divine essence
Enlighten me to your will
Grant me presents in your will
Speak sharp truth in guidance
Hold my spirit in your bosom
Allow me to walk with the divine of creation
In the infinite will allow me
To be a beacon to become a
Guiding force for others
That are in need
Allow your gifts to instill true beauty
And knowledge upon those that
Are true and worthy.

pg. 203
Light And Darkness

Light from light exists in truth From which everything Comes a divine truism That exists from Within the
Hearts of All life And is Good
Darkness from darkness is the concept Of the pain that in unintended in Life, but is the very existence Inverting what is brought Forth out of light as
Though a denial of What the Embod- Ment of what Truth is. The Resulting Of evil

Imbibing Power

Vibrant power is unleashed in the mind
Causing awakening of the inner self
Awareness uplifting to the very core
The body moves without effort
The weight of life no longer crushing inwar d
Choices that once encumbered the mind no w
Released into the void of nothingness
The darkness no longer holds
With the grip of death
Transformation takes place without
Any denial of truth, which becomes
The normative of existence indwelling
Of the whole being. One of human will
That was relinquished so long ago
The pain that was in now
But a shadow that no longer
Controls the feeble totality
Entangling thought and wishes no long er
Controlled be debilitating fear
Now free to live a worthy life
Free of all the past hurts

pg. 204
Consciousness

Dressing the outer parts of life
With dreams, wishes, and future freedom
A cathartic approach invigorates the warry person
In paths that test and teach in the ways of life
Vital to existence burdened within the whole of the universal truth
Light and will seek to become one in total sub mission
Dearing to design a tapestry of beautiful col ors that
Dance and shimmer in the bright daylight as t he
Gentle air flows past. Enticing imagination
Grabbing ahold of untold possibilities into heights of
Consciousness in a level never felt before from the beginning
Of birth and rejuvenation
At True Inner Peace
A ll at once life seems clear
T he woes of life washed away
T he balance has come to the wary mind
R eal emotion has been replaced
U nderstanding has drawn life to this
E xplicit point where unity has been reached
I ntersections exist when all seems clear
N othing is wasted as such a point
N otwithstanding the pull of life
E ternal peace can be had
R ivers of
P ure
E nergy
A bide
C ausing
E xciting possibilities, and new visions of hope

pg. 205
Places Of Peace

Favored places bring forth happiness
Each place different for each person
Yet, the end results the same
Find this place and regret not
It is your place of sanity, of peace
Where you can dig inward and find
The answers that are so desired
Worry not they do exist, just they can
Be hard to locate. It is the place where body
Conforms to peace in the face of sorrow
The only hint that can be offered is to hold true
To the self and be aware for that place calls
For you to take rest. Know that it will be found
In that explicit point where you hear that
Alluring call of peace and true life
Questions Of Faith

The Holy Words stand as the guiding light of life
They speak of the ways of man
How man hates one another
The detestable nature of mankind
The words seek to condemn all that stand not in the way of truth

However, these words do not speak to the very few tha t are pious
It speaks to all humanity
So much so that all mankind has broken the ways of tru th
They stand opposed to the moral uprightness of God
The reality is that everyone stands in this place despi te what you may think

So, the question posed is
Who are you to stand on the moral high ground?
Despising all that walk not in your way
For you are no better than anyone else
Do you stand without this moral disregard for what is Holy?

If we all are opposed to the moral rightness
Then who are you to condemn any other person?
Yes, a difference exists
That those that realize how faulted they are
Stand in the ways of forgiveness,
So, if we stand in the same faulted way
Who are you to pass judgment?

pg. 206
Realism

In a world of indifference There exist truisms that None can deny
Richness and beauty
Exist as does the horrors There is a balance,
Yet there are undeniable truths that must be faced

pg. 207

Mind

The wasted mind.
The thought so inconceivable; that one would choose such a thing.
The mind is complex in ways untold.
It is the vault of secrets, happiness, sadness, and so muc h more.
It is the storehouse of emotion.
It is the place that we fear or embrace.
It can be our own personal hell or our home of rest .
No matter what the mind is; it is where we conceive the truth of what this world is.
The mind is so vast that one can never fully understa nd it.
Then why would we choose not to use that precious gift , known as the mind?
No fear too great to cause us to reject,
No Sadness too overwhelming to give up,
No secret too harsh that we should hide.
The mind is what we need to survive.
Yet, some choose not to use it.
A choice so sad that I can’t grasp it.
To waste the mind is to conform to what is not.
To waste the mind is unconceivable.
The mind is capable of so much more than you think.
It is the very definition of who we are.
We perceive so we must know that the mind,
Is meant to work in ways untold.
The conundrum of life is why such a choice is made.
Imagine what life would be if no one decided to w aste the mind.

The Night’s Ruler

The moon, the very essence of the night
A pitted surface that tells an aged story
One of collisions, bitter coldness, and
Wayward wondering. The images startling
The wounds old, but frozen in time.
The scars create a master piece, a work
Of art that is awe inspiring.
Yet the vailing light hides the “dark side”
A side of wonder and fear unseen by most.
Yet the wondering path through the sky
Aloft in a dark night full of countless sparkling gems.
The soft embers of glowing heat pale in comparison
The majesty of the night’s ruler is
Undeniable. Such a past of woes and pain,
But the beauty remains as an image frozen in time.

pg. 208
Day And Night

The morning breaks,
The light that once was lost now starts to envelop the land.
The soft touch awakens all that live, all that have survived the cold and dark night.
Life has taken another step in the grand circle.
The ebb and flow of night and day has once more star ted.
Indifference to none, the light gives its nourishmen t to all those that are tired.
The day grows, and the heat of the light expands deep er into the depths.
Life now abounds in joy and excitement for what is to come.
Yet the day brings its own perils.
As the day reaches its apex, the light extends to all p laces.
The heat drives life to survive.
Some meet their demise, while others reach new heig hts of skill and existence.

The dusk starts,
The light, once so vibrant, starts to wane as the dar kness starts to return with its cold grasp.
Life starts to calm down from the excitement and st ruggle of the day.
The darkness has started to creep across the land.
Yet some life will still strive to make it in this ne w harsh land.
The darkness will give its cool and calming rest soon .
As the night lingers on, the calm proves to mask the f ear that lurks in all of life.
The rest that resides throughout the land is only te mporal, but well deserved.
The ongoing struggle ensues, and no victor may remai n.
The darkest of the night sets in, all resides in the b lack of night.
The cold pushes for endurance, but only the strong will last.
The night haunts all that will make it with vision s, screams, and torments unknown.

The morning breaks,

pg. 209

The Stalked

The tender night lows the hopeless victim into a calm.
Hopeless to resist what is soon to come.
The predator has chosen its prey.
No amount of fight will stop the impending attac k.
With fervent speed the predator takes aim.
Unbeknown the prey sits as a lamb.
Power and stealth is needed.
Still encroaching
Moving closer
And closer
Each step planned.
One after another,
Each moving towards the bitter end for one of the two.
The
Battle
Takes
Place.
Quickly
The
Predator
Attempts
To
Steal
That
Life.
The
Prey
Struggling
To
Survive.
Yet, the victor is not expected.
With one swift strike the prey
Has become the predator.

pg. 210

Realism Of Life

The forest so welcoming,
Mother nature’s artful creation stands as a gift.
One whose beauty is unsurpassed.
The great trees stand as sentinels,
Overlooking the crown jewels.
The floor speckled with shards of glowing glass.
A strange earthen carpet,
Lays as a blanket covering the fertile cradle of life.
Life hurries and scurries about unaware of the bea uty that it resides in.
Trees of all types scatter the land.
Shrubs dot the landscape with flashes of vibrant col or.
Small groupings of flowers seem as though carefully p laced.
Areas of dense vegetation form small coves for the unaware fauna.
Each living creature, large or small, has its own bed.
Inside this captivating garden there lurks darkness.
Death is scattered throughout,
Becoming the very foundation for new life.
Each living creature feeds off another.
Death is the very reason for life.
The flora thriving on the death of its own.
Predators stalk their prey.
Survival has become the mode for existence.
The cold winds sweep through foretelling the foreb oding truth.
Existing in balance.
The forest so welcoming.

pg. 211

Timeless

Time abounds, but we are finite.
The life that we live now is a reality that cannot be denied.
Each breath counted.
Each thought a decision.
Each tear a plea for help.
Yet time still marches onward as an uncaring machine.
The illusion is that we have some control.
Each step is not our own.
It is affected by others.
A cycle that is as old as humanity.
Each thought has been impacted by another’s thought.
Nothing new exists in this world.
We merely find what was lost due to the machine o f time marching onward.
Each emotion guided by interaction.
Love influenced by a relationship.
Each fear plagues us, as others toy with their own e motions.
Still time moves with swiftness and disregard to those th at have fallen.

Sleeping Rest

Exhaustion overtakes the body.
Causing the eyes to draw close
The muscles become relaxed
The mind begins to slow.
Although yearning for rest the self still tries to res ist.
The fatigue is too much to fight.
Self is unable to rage on.
Tenderly the body reaches a point of comfort.
The mind, a victim, is unwilling to ensure the rest.
Drifting off to the state of blissful rest
The mind pushes forth images.
Phantoms of reality.
Dark and loathsome visions
Crash across the canvas of the mind.
In turn the body convulses
And the rest is broken.
Awaiting the next exhaustion.

pg. 212

The Choice Of Division

Night and day force the exchange of life
One of dread and desire two elapsing forces
That stringently contend for constant control
Yet division exists that is not simple to express
Both tug at the very soul impounding the mind
To a point of madness and revolution
The division stipulating a clear path
Where neither can regime at the same point
Yet the choice is made, and nothing can change
Night

The hue of night,
Draws a calm
A chance of rest,
For the wary soul.
Yet danger there lurks.
The hope of day so far off.
Yet the peace will come.
El tono de la noche,
Dibuja una calma
Una oportunidad de descansar
Para el alma cansada
Sin embargo, el peligro alli acecha
La esperanza del dia tan lejos
Sin embargo, la paz vendra

pg. 213
Cycles

Allure abounds in the recesses of the mind
Drawing intense melodies
That dance as though phantoms.
The impeding darkness draws closer
Bringing serenity. The cool touch welcoming
In the way that only a companion could know.
Thought and action become one.
No longer is contemplation the way to achieve
Action springs forth, not one of
Rejection, but one of acceptance
Calming words draw the mind to a
Bewildering peace –
– Although most try to
Resist, my victory will reign. The storm
From the raging mind will be calmed. Beauty
Will abound in ways unknown. Fear of rest is
But an illusion. The peace that is brought enforces
The inner stillness. Great masses join as one in
In a slumber of rest. Images dance on the illusive
Canvas of the mind, as vivid stillness overtakes the
Once vibrant colored land. Shining vestals dance
Through the sky and all remain calm, unaware of
The dark battles taking place. Until the burning break
Of light. Still the tender coolness lays across the lan d
As though a soothing blanket. The silence unbroken
In that gentle stillness of the mind. Yet the fear ne ver
Fully left. Visions of demonic dreams dance delightin g
Depraved minds. The darkest part of night brings forth
A sweeping chill that will ignite the passion that wil l
Be known in just a few precious hours. With a swift e nd
In sight, I will still reign until that bitter end. I will enforce
That coolness that you yearn for. –
– All may seem lost
But the mind is slowly brought to a point that will b ring
Forth a new passion. The ebbing night has begun to ba ttle,
With the impending day. The soon victorious light wil l overtake
The land. A forceful voice begins to softly thunder t hroughout
All the stilled land. –
– Slowly I bring forth that thrill of life.
My rule will be one of exuberant joy and heartwarmi ng
Vibrance. My touch will reach into the darkest parts of
Existence and draw a vigor to survive. No longer will a chill
Exist in your mind. I require that you thrive in lif e. Untold
Brightness will fill every sense. Attempts of rest will be met
With the welcome of true inner peace. Bright hues of color
Will embrace the once dark land. The true light wil l shine,

pg. 214
No longer will vague embers of light suffice. Each breath
Of life will be the extending flue and my heat will be the
Very essence of life. Ensuing power is the drive of lig ht,
Where death means nothing. Survival a sweet promise
That will be honored. The gains will become the refu ge
That protects from that cool of night, a time of dre ad.
It is my drive that I will instill in you. One to fi ght against
The oncoming onslaught of outer prestige. Visual acuit y
And keen awareness are the gifts that I grace life wi th.
My power will be undenied, my gifts unfolding before
All of life encompassing it with pleasure and brutal truth.
I will burn the memories of existence into the waking mind.
Sadly, my rule only lasts for a temporal period and I must
Acquiesce. –
– The cycle is one that will endure throughou t
Time. One that every living creature knows all too w ell.

Night’s Allure

The night sky filled with mystery.
Darkness surrounds small beacons of light;
Dimond’s that ignite the imagination
Thoughts rush through the mind.
The visible creating awe and peace
Clouds, once white, now float through
The crisp air as though ghosts from the past.
Light flashes and a thin wafer now moves
Through the night as though an angel watching
Over the creation of darkness.
Still there is more than the seen,
Far off galaxies that veil the identity of creation itself.
There are points that seek to destroy and devour
Anything in its path.
Yet the chaos is content providing
Beauty of various details.
A night sky is a place of hopes, thought, and even
Dreams that captivate the mind.
The vision dances and many are unaware of the
Mystery that the night sky holds.

pg. 215
Lilacs

A sweet aroma floats through calm morning air
The soft dew holds tight to the delicate plumes
Clusters of tightly knit purple collections of blooms
Perfumes that tingle the inner senses of the mind
Vivid beauty that reflects the amazing fragrance
Each blossom tiny existing in ethereal groupings
Thin and almost insignificant wisps of wood hold
Such impressive beauty that starts to dance as
The midday wind tingles the perfumed buds of
Beauty that has brought its touch to all that reside
Under the tight allure that calls for a response
The late day heat begins to scorch the very essence
Of the majestic tree. The parched flowers feel the
Lack of presumed perseverance pushing peril to its
Very existence. Falling into shattered shards of painte d
Glass. Supple life that once was now lays broken
Returning whence it came. Yet that sweet aroma will
Always linger in the still of the night, and new buds
Bring the promise of tomorrow’s sweet alluring aroma.
Rain

Rain rolls across the waters of life
Providing a refreshing purpose
Yet, an unknown change that impacts
The very depths entangle what
Was once placid and showed no
Turmoil even though it existed
Below that outer exterior
The divine universe produces wind
To instill forward movement that
Is inspiring to any aspect of existence
The rain never ends at once but it
Dissipates over great distances
Forever leaving marks of new hopes
Landscapes that foster life to become
Abundant and that turmoil to calm
As the rain washes newness into
Everything there is always a response
That can be described as an overpowering
Will to withstand the impending deluge of
Water and destruction

pg. 216
The Union

Sound echoes through the vast and vacant sky.
Crisp cracks create concussive force quaking
Anything in its path. Quivers run through the
Body. The impending fear calls for quick action.
The body is faced with the choice to watch or
Flee. The beauty that is to ensue causes amazement
And wonder. Swift light streaks through the sky.
Embolden energy surging through sky and earth
Creates a connection of two primal elements.
The point where fire meets earth is exhilarating.
A fusion of power and beauty expanding into one
Finite point. Once again, the resounding crack marks
The union of epic magnificence. The clouds begin
To release their tears. Cold droplets fall from such
Heights, offers the softest of touch. The wind and
Rain join in a song that calms the urge to run. Until
The next announcement of crashing exquisiteness.
Without warning the grandeur ends with a soft reminde r
Of those tender tears, sounds, and light.
Night Time Hope

Peppered flakes of gold and silver
Suspended in the firmament of the sky
As the night draws to its dawning
The embers imbue their knowledge
Through timid light encased in the cold darkness
Yet, the light that spins through the fashion of night
Proves to create a beauty normally unseen due t o
Man’s haste and self-indulgence
Monuments to man’s greatness destroy
The beauty that dwells throughout the unive rse
The true beacons of existence that are not
As finite as man’s hubris
The call simple; refresh in the universal
Creation and not in man’s demise
View life as the beauty that it is
Relax and enjoy the truth that exist s
In the calling totality of the uni verse
Breath in its peace
Absorb the essence of eternal life

pg. 217

The Night Dawns And Emotions Flows

A foreboding sense
Either sadness or fear
I do not know
So much causes me to doubt
Nothing tempers the receding light
It is fleeting as is the soft touch of a lover
To face such unknown
Is to fear what is soon to be
The nights cool grasp lingers as the breath of life
Slowly draws away
Each lingering thought impresses that the end
Is soon near
The body quakes and feels as though there is
Nothing that can bring hope
The night rages in the mind,
The darkness is abundant
The light no longer holds true
It is lost, it is so distant, it is the dawning of pain
The nights cold chill was once laughed at
Yet now that it is here
Resistance is futile
Unknown untrue untold unending unspoken
The night is bounding in the joy
Of an others pain, the pain
The sorrow, the loneliness
Is just there and it will not stop
The reality of the darkness is that there is no end in sight
That light has left forever
No, it is lost just like the will to stand upright
It is all wasted as the energy of life just dashed
By that bitter and unforgiving night

pg. 218

A Question

To ponder on what may be
To think of hope
To focus on the pain of the past
To lose yourself in imagination
To drive wishes that may not be
To exercise the wonders of the world
To realize that life is more than what was once thought
To dwell of things of joy
To overstay in the feeble mind
To encase the self as all falls within the psyche
To lose the mind that was once seen as the determinate
To see the mind for what it is, weak and wary
All exists in life,
but one point
is existent for
but moment
If life is a well of turmoil then;
What is the final point of this existence?
Perseverance

The setting sun draws hues of reds and oranges
Impending darkness hangs in the looming clouds
Sheets of pounding rain turn the once bright sky into a wash of gray
The rain overtakes everything in sight
Driving winds blow with impressive force
As the limbs of trees roll and the leaves are battere d
Sharp loud cracks resonate through the active skies
Sparks of light dance through the atmosphere
Producing ribbons of fire and pounding sounds
Concussive force causes shaking and quaking of anything in its path
The wind and rain start to ebb as quickly as it had sta rted
Thunder rolls through the sky and sharp flashes
Still lingering as a reminder of the havoc that was just unleased
Ponds now lay in pockets around the once dry land
The marshy pounds have grown in size and depth
A strange ethereal mist lays over the once placid wat ers
A soft wind slowly pushes away the lingering fog
A thin arc in the sky reflects in the pristine water with vibrant colors
Life returns to the lake as does life return to all that held out during the storm